Uncertain Revelation

I stare blankly at the darkness that surrounds me in my desolate cell. My heart constantly pounding with fear, not knowing what lurked behind the daunting silhouette on the walls. I clutch onto my thin blanket, tears falling aimlessly towards the side of my pillow. I try not to whimper nor make a sound, for the Great Leader would hear my unfaithfulness. I’ve been replaced by gritty dirty skin, long jagged hair and a blotchy uniform with #83924 tattooed on the right pocket. I’ve been here for several months but I always seem to lose count. They said to me that they were going to help me, take me to a place filled with happiness, love and peace; I still long to see it. Even though it alarms me when they see into my eyes, my mind is still as free as a bird; but that’s what I believe. I know what they are trying to do here, brainwash and manipulate us, they want us to do their dirty work, but who though?. I’ve seen my brothers, Henri and Alexi, they too must of thought the same, but now I know they don’t; they don’t recognise me. I don’t exist anymore. As I close my eyes to gain some sort of energy, I am lured into my related dreams. A glimpse of my mother, tears trailing down her cheek, I turn to meet with my father, sadness consuming his soul. I peer down, blow out my candles. My mind clears itself. That was all.

I turn over to be greeted by the bright light of the Warden#89’s torch.

“Wake up maggot #83924, time for the hearing”, the warden laughed.

I struggle to move but eventually I force myself up. I’ve gone limp, unable to fully control my body. The pain within my bones is almost unbearable. I drag my feet to my morning position, standing tall awaiting for the final morning call. Clearing all cells, we “maggots”, enter the hearing chambers and take our lonesome seats. I notice my brothers, but once again they don’t notice me. I look down trying to remember them in my memories. Staring up towards the ceiling, a screen appears and the Great Leader takes place before the Euro Empire Army Force or the E.E.A.F, they scream war cries. They showcase hate, fear, bloodshed, violence. My heart trembles, the evil, it was horrid. This was just the usual routine, I guess no one could help us. We hardly eat or talk. I still don’t understand. We all thought the new government was going to help us but it betrayed us. Their torturous ways defile my beliefs. Slowly and painfully, I feel myself becoming immune to it.

“Alright maggots, rise and lead out to Battlefield #234556”, the warden shouted over the intercom.

We take our positions and push ourselves forward. Aligned, the wardens hand us new weapons, none ever seen before. I begin to scream in mind for help, but no one hears me.

“Shoot these unfaithful maggots, they want to hurt us, they want to hurt…the Great Leader”, the warden exclaimed.

It’s wrong, I can’t do it. The children, the mothers, the fathers. Their crying, their bruises. I can’t. Children scream and attach the guns to the moulds of their hands and take fire. I stand staring into the distance, but the eyes of the wardens penetrate my conscience. My hands shaking, I take fire. Releasing three bullets, I hit three children. They drop like flies, blood spilling from their wounds. What have I done? I drop the weapon and back away, the warden meeting up behind me. I gaze up and see Warden#89 signal to come inside. Like zombies we file in to our tombs. Stale bread with a side order of maggots awaits our presence. I take a bite, more satisfied than before. I leap to my bed and close my eyes, I don’t know what to think or feel or say. My eyes fall heavy into my sockets. I can’t move. Am I asleep, in a coma, dead?

Eight Years Later…

My eyes open. I don’t feel the same, I don’t look the same. What happened?

“#83924, time to rise and shine maggot, you’ve been asleep for a while, it’s time to use you properly”, a deep voice explains.

“You just weren’t functioning properly”, a young girl says.

I stand tall, with hate in my heart.

“Those disgusting maggots of Pasifika Empire, we must wipe them out, annihilate them all…NOW!”, I scream.

A smirk appears on the face of the warden. He seemed familiar. Warden#89?. I’ve never felt like this, but it feels so real, so me. I look back at the warden and wait for his word.

“You ready maggot?”, the warden asks.

Two men enter the room, blindfolded…trembling.

“#83924, time to kill these maggots. They want to hurt us, they want to hurt…the Great Leader”, the warden explains.

My heart turns cold and hatred grips my insides. I pick up my weapon and point the end towards their heads. Their blindfolds, unwrapped they stare into my eyes. I recognise them, but I can’t make out who it is. Do I know them? I try to search my memory, whilst my fingers shake towards the trigger. I search around my memory. My mother, my father, my birthday…I search but the anger inside me was so strong I could not bear. I grip the weapon tighter and hold it closer to one of the men. I don’t want to do it, but I have to. I shoot one, I shoot the other. Their bodies limp on the ground. I smile, then my mind flashes back…MY BROTHERS. I fall. Could have been them?

“Well done maggot”, the warden said rewarding me.

“Very good, excellent”, the young girl says as she claps.

“What a shame you had to do that maggot?”, the warden says.

“What do you mean “it’s a shame” ?”, I reply.

“There are things we need to do, our minds keep us from doing it, our memories. We just have to do it. You’re free to go back to your cell #83924”, the warden said.

“Let’s just say they knew you well, as did you”, the young girl laughed.

My mind entangles in the words of the warden and the young girl. How could they know me?. My mind turns back to that moment. The two men, the weapon, my hands, my hate. Their eyes looked right into mine. It was. It was them. My brothers, my hands, my murders…

I try to grip back my sanity. I return to my cell and find a small notepad in the pillowcase upon my stained bed…

“They took me a long time ago, it was my tenth birthday. It was 2028. I don’t know what’s going to happen to me. I saw my brothers, but they don’t even know me as if I don’t exist. I’m so scared but I can’t cry out loud. So I just keep it to myself. I always wonder, was I living a reality, was I living at all?. We’ve been at war with Pasifika Empire, but they never told us. They’re using us, they’re brainwashing us, manipulating us to their dirty work. I’m only ten years old, and I’ve already killed three other children.”

I lean back, trying to take it in. Is this me? I don’t believe it. I’ve always known we are at war, didn’t I?. I throw the note to the floor, turn onto my side and fall to sleep. (That could have been my way out). Why should I try, I’ve already come this far?