To my dearest existential orphans,

Don’t ask me how I know this information, I may get to that someday but it’s decades of information and the overlap of having experiences, seeing other’s experience, spiritual teachings, developmental psychology, behavioral research, the study of human connection, and the way it all converges and intersects to generate existential information that no single source has pinpointed on its own without falling into the trap of ideology and collapsing what we nearly discovered.

I hope you will be just be a teensy open, and promise yourself you can close up and dismiss it all after you see my heart. Give this concept one speck of chance to be real. I’m asking for one tiny pinhole that you can fill back up in the end.

Home reality is called The Natural, and deep down we all are moving to return even if our path is blocked. We will press up against that obstacle for the rest of our lives because we know the way. Deep down we know the way. It has always been in front of us and most of us knew it when we were children. Most folks have visited our parallel reality. Some of us still do, or are very close to it. Some of us still do the motions minus the motivations. Jumping back across the rails into The Natural requires coordinates, pure intention, and at least one companion who can understand, collaborate, and execute these requirements. You may learn to enter The Natural by becoming the door, but two are required to find and rebuild the door itself.

Think about how childhood felt different, almost otherworldly and magical. This is not a random phenomenon with no explanation. This is because you were stolen from The Natural and taken to The Construcia where all doorways are covered by the insistence that you are meant to grow, and growth is giving your senses to the The Construcia. If you feel existentially uneasy it’s because you have been slowly made into Construcian, living in Construcia, and began practicing Construcianism. The native energy of Construcia is violence. Try as you might it’s nearly impossible to not use this energy in many tiny ways. All of reality is built on top of it.

I’d suggest you are uneasy because you are, in fact, a Naturalite from The Natural where the native energy is Natural Exchange (NEx), and thankfully, there was an error in your conversion no one is aware of but you. You may feel like you are treated by most of the world as though you are someone else. Someone different than the way you feel inside; someone fully and successfully converted. We may be errors in this reality but we are also wonderful performers. Often we are seen as a bit more interesting and magestic for something as insignificant to us as saying, “boop,” when we press a button in the elevator and it turns yellow. Noticing those qualities are how we encode the first key: the key to the door’s location.

Remember the majestic quality of being, connect it to find the door. Here is the first step: Imagine a key. Do not continue reading until you’ve Imagined the key in your mind.

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If you are ready to open the door, the key is not brass. A brass key is the psychic motion of default reality, Construcia. Change your mind’s eye, change what it finds. The door is hidden, now change the key, hold that image and recite this to encode your key’s voice with these words:

“It is two, like you, who can find and walk through.”

This is the voice of the key, when you recall the key imagine it speaking this to you. If you truly want to find the door and not stumble back into the Construcian’s shroud, draw an approximation of the key and say it beside something you interact with daily, like your nightstand or your coffeemaker. Each time you see it imagine it saying those words to you three times, like so:

It is two, like you, who can find and walk through.

It is two, like you, who can find and walk through.

It is two, like you, who can find and walk through.

We will talk about the second key, the one that opens the door but first I must warn you. The Construcia will tell you the story, that the door to The Natural represents The Natrual itself, that no one has really seen it, and joyful lights some say are coming from outside Construcia, are actually is the emanating strength of the outter sphere, thanks be to the efforts of Construcians everywhere who maintain the only barrier keeping us from, and I quote from their BOCL (Book Of Certain Love), “All chaos, all death, and the eternal torment of its uncertainty.” And I don’t know about you but I detect lies when anyone adds an extra thing that seems unnecessary. Things like this second part of that verse, “An uncertainty we need only look for in the poor and least among us, to show us what will become of anyone who fails to participate.”

If you are ever unlucky enough to be in the library or any religious institution and discover a copy the BOCL, I can’t recommend it reading it but I can recommend staying calm, and slowly walking out and very far away, because that is not really a church as we are led to believe, and it’s a very unsafe place for a conversion error. In another letter I’ll explain how most churches are correction centers for conversion errors, but I want to keep focus on the path to The Natural in this one.

Let’s go back to this “light that emanates from the strength of the the sphere.” If you ever hear or see anything written related to “The POLE” or “Pattern Of Light’s Entry” read it and take photos of you can. Don’t lose and keep it disconnected. Pattern Of Lights Entry writings are aggressively connected, destroyed, and Construcian money worshipers will make it do it was never said, or spread a story that POLE is the work of demonic heretics trying to destroy the entire earth and all of humanity with it.

You may have guessed by now I am one such heretic, and I have another story to tell...

I’d like to tell you about The Natural and how it relates to the POLE. Imagine that door we talked about. Picture a door in your mind’s eye. Now change it to a glass door, ok? Ok, this glass door is covered with slats that were shut when you were taken and brought here as a child. The Pattern Of Lights Entry is the light from The Natural that pours through the cracks in the sphere, not the joyous strength of the sphere. The Natural it cannot be destroyed by Construcia, only covered. Because it is our home, it is a part of us, and it is only hidden by the constant insistence it is not for us, it is lost, and it is futile to think we could return.

We catch glimpses of POLE all the time. It has a feeling when we stumble into it now and then. Remember what I said in the beginning, the magic of child consciousness? You caught a spark of that one or twice right? You did some equivalent of exclaiming “boop!” when pressing a button. I’m sure I’ve gotten full transmissions from The Natural in a dream and felt, “I saw the Truth of everything!” Then it slipped away as you became more wake. Those are the two realities. Sleep is non material. Construcia cannot find you and build there if you unconscious remembers where you are from. All it can do is make this world seem so out of sync that it slips away when your mind returns here. It only has artificial messages to assault your conscious mind with in hopes that might cover the door even in the unconscious realm. Don’t worry, it will never happen completely. We have a core that can’t displaced, that’s why we are conversion errors.

Because Constructia is our default reality. I’m going to use that term to in this next part so it can be just as important weather or not you believe there are two worlds.

Default reality was and continues to be a construction project with a material called violence. Violence is subtle and quite completely pervasive. Violence can be boiled down to: the delusion that we can manipulate people into meeting our needs. By default we are not aware that meeting needs with manipulation is impossible. This is because we distort the needs into something we can control instead of relying on someone choosing us naturally. Instead of needing love, we create scenarios of validation like, “If you really loved me you would buy me flowers.” Then they unnaturally give flowers and you enjoy the sense of power and tell yourself they do love you, but deep down the need is still unmet because needs are an act of giving by choice, naturally, with an ability to be just as happy with no as we are with yes, because we can love and respect the desires of others even when it’s not aligned.

The strange realization is this: we don’t understand how important Playfulness is. Playfulness is literally the only emotional location that natural giving can occur. The reason we aren’t all super about this is because default reality can’t exist if it’s exposed to playfulness (I’m dead serious). If violence was 100 gallons of toxic black water, one drop of pure playfulness would convert all of it to clean water. Violence cannot exist in a space of collaborative playfulness. Violence will basically attune to playfulness and destroy itself. Want to see this for yourself?

(This exercise requires an ability to detect and articulate how you feel to yourself)

Role play this with a willing friend:

Imagine you are angry because you believe they think they are better than you and that they think you’re a loser.

frown, cross your arms, and say:

“I want to hurt you.”

Friend warmly smiles, has an open undefended body position and responds with a lightly playful tone:

“I want to make cookies, then open the windows and howl at the moon together.”

You:

I still want to hurt you.

Friend playful tone, more open, palms out, head tilted slightly to their right. Big warm genuinely loving smile:

“I want to try on weird outfits at the thrift store and ask people if they’ve seen our imaginary dog, Ruffles.”

Write more of those exchanges. Notice what happens to your hostile energy. In workshops that do similar practices the person in the violent role stops crossing their arms. Their energy begins matching the energy of the playful role, and they find it harder to focus on holding interest in the expression of violence, even in a role-play.

This violent urge is a desire to dominate as a way to feel acceptance based on forced submission. The response is an invitation to the only place natural acceptance exists. Playfulness is an art and skill to master. It simple terms, is the place we were taken from.

Every ingredient that flips our default violent reality upside down is inside of playfulness. Imagine an unbreakable mutual playful feeling between yourself and someone else. Can fear enter? Worry? Anger? Desperation? Aggression? A motivation for non-consensual actions? Just like it’s impossible to remain playful if someone becomes violent, it’s equally impossible to be violent and playful. Your intent has to change. Any playfulness that is motivated to get something without the participation of those involved is not playfulness, it’s violence.

This has been noticed, so much so, that people researching the roots of violence have moved over to become researchers about the concept of play. The most common factor in mass springs and violent criminals? Restricted play in childhood. Why?

Because play is the ONLY location natural giving exits. If you lock the door on the only location a child can get their needs met you have given them a foundation where violence is not just an option: it’s the only option.

Why “Playfulness?” It sounds kinda silly/absurd. Because in terms of relating with others: shared vulnerability minus fear is collaborative playfulness. That’s it. That’s the key to life and if you were to make it your mission to ever this location where the ingredients of natural giving exist you will know because your body will react. It will feel like:

1: A spell you’ve been under your entire life (default reality) has been broken.

2: Your ability to be present and blissfully exactly where you are will be cranked 1000x higher than you could ever imagine before, to the point where....

3. It feels like a psychedelic drug. The reality that exists parallel to the default, is accessed with psychedelics. I don’t really know why this is true, I have only tried them once, but it’s the only other road to natural reality. To an extent it’s like synthetic playfulness.

Please seek and verify this. Listen to the teachings of Ram Das who said, in psychedelics research there is a point of diminishing returns, like you can’t quite fully put the pieces together. You are being show the truth but can never stay or see the entire picture. Psychedelics are not the door. They are more like a periscope to The Natural, but that is not the key. There are substances that remind us there is a key and leaves us feeling like there must be a door. When we use the periscope to build the door it’s like placing a mirror in front of the viewport and seeing only what we think about what we saw and we are back again a hypnotic/kaleidoscope version of the default reality we are trying to exit.

The fearless shared vulnerability is your first key that will lead you to the door’s coordinate. Collaborative Playfulness is walking though. Natrual Exchange (NEx) is the energy that keeps us their. We fall back to Construcua when we let ourselves return to violent strategies to meet false needs we invent to bypass Natrual Exchange. If we increase our skill and intensity of NEx within The Natural, we will begin to vanish from Construcia and return to The Natural. My first hope for the future of humanity is that we can reach existing in The Natural at least 51 percent. My dream is 100%.

My name is Vade Mecum, I am a conversion failure, stolen from my home in The Natural. This is everything I absolutely know, that has happened to us: every existential orphan who feels homesick for a place they’ve never been because it’s not a physical, but a coordinate of the psyche. I hope you can open up to this message with even the tiniest pinhole of openness, and watch. When the light comes in follow the POLE; it will take you the rest of the way. Remember the keys. Change your mind’s eye, change what it sees, and I’ll see you when we get back home. ♥️