The Last First Date

Equivalent Prime Date January 23, 2022 E-48976, IDCT-1675384

Well, I finally reached another Earth. I was beginning to think I would never find another one. Over ten thousand consecutive shifts before I woke up here. By far more than any other streak I have encountered. It is a very indescribable feeling to close your eyes, only to suddenly become existent in a wholly different way. Even after all these years, I do not think I will ever get accustomed to the phase shift of entering a new universe. Despite my eons worth of experience, I have not found the shifts any easier to cope with. I do not know if this universe has a god like some of the others, but it cannot hurt to thank Him or Her for creating this Earth. I will take the rest of the day to acquaint myself with this world and prepare for tomorrow, where at the very least I will get to see her. I can only hope she will be getting the Merlot.

Equivalent Prime Date January 24, 2022 E-48976, IDCT-1675384

Seeing my young face in the mirror never fails to exhilarate me. I have lived thousands of lives worth of time. I’ve seen every possible wonder in every possible existence of Earth anyone could have imagined. Yet, seeing myself at 26 again, and knowing that I will be seeing her today…………….there is not a happiness in all possible existence that has topped this feeling. My first glimpse of her is always the same. She will be sitting at the table by the window, wearing a red blouse with white polka dots. She’s checking her makeup in her pocket mirror. She takes her glasses off momentarily to ensure she isn’t missing anything before replacing her glasses, quickly closing her mirror, and putting it back into her purse.

I will get to relive the happiest moment of my life again today. Hopefully, she will get the Merlot.

Equivalent Prime Date January 25, 2022 E-48976, IDCT-1675384

Riesling………….unfortunate.

Yet, I will be staying in this universe longer than I typically do. Absence truly does make the heart grow fonder. While she didn’t get the Merlot as I’d hoped, her mere presence is intoxicating, and I want to stay with her as long as I can. After my extended “travel” which brought me here, I want to remain myself for a while. I know I cannot save her, but we can have some happy years here. I need these years.

Equivalent Prime Date April 22, 2039 E-48976, IDCT-1675384

She was diagnosed today, on my birthday no less. The sting is lessened as I have known to prepare myself for this for the last seventeen years. In this universe, it is a brain tumor. She will probably hang on another two or three years before…………..well, we all know how it ends. I’ve grown very fond of this universe and it’s peculiarities. The domesticated sharks are always impressive. No definitive plans yet, but I may see about taking her on that Lunar Cruise she has always wanted to go on. Her smile is worth anything and everything to me. I will miss it.

Equivalent Prime Date March 11, 2043 E-48976, IDCT-1675384

She’s gone.

It was quick, and she lasted more than a year longer than I anticipated. She was strong in this universe.

Alas, I am now back to square one. I will be leaving this universe in the morning. As always, the record needs to be maintained. If my matter generator were to fall into the wrong hands, that universe could suffer unimaginable horrors. I would certainly be killed in that universe. Then I would never get to reach our happy ending.

I will need to make more preparations than usual this time. Official record follows.

“My name is Jeremy Fulton. I am equipped with an Inter Dimensional Consciousness Transference device and matter generator. The generator creates matter from latent energy permeating throughout the universe. This act fundamentally breaks the laws of physics from my Prime universe, the one I was originally born into. Therefore, a device with such capability makes it inherently dangerous if used improperly. It is equipped with a self-destruct, which only I know the method to deactivate. If this record is found, it must mean I have been killed and my equipment recovered. If my traveling here has caused anyone or any entity hardship, I offer my sincerest apologies. Please do not give my body any special postmortem treatment. Simply dispose of me. I have no family to inform or relationships to bother. Have a nice day.”

It is difficult to explain my reasons for my travels to those who have never been in love, so I would much rather not worry about trying. The pieces are there for those who may find these and wish to know. Maybe I will publish these some day when I find our happy ending…………….when she orders her glass of Merlot.

Equivalent Prime Date January 23, 2022 E-48977, IDCT-1676067

Another Earth. I am thankful this one came along sooner. One universe I passed through was complete agony. Wherever I existed and in whatever form I took, all I could experience was pure pain and fear: Inescapable and never ending. On my first Earth, other scientists smarter than me predicted any other universe could be wholly unlike my Prime one. If not for my automations on my generator and IDCT device, I’d have been stuck in that miserable existence, or one a thousand times worse. To not get stuck in some hellish existence, I implemented ten-minute timer that must be manually deactivated. If not, the matter generator analyzes my form, generates a lethal compound specific to me, and eases me into a “death” in perfect sync with my IDCT device to shift me to another universe.

Safely in this new Earth, I can put that hell behind me. After my 48,977th “birth”, I am back again in my 26-year-old self, and am eagerly anticipating tomorrow. I get to see her. Yet, my mind keeps wondering……

……………..When I finally reach the perfect permutation for our happy ending, would I ever be able to tell her all I’ve done? All the versions of myself I essentially murdered just to be with her. Would she understand? Could she?

I have often asked myself what am I doing. Am I a homicidal maniac hell bent on chasing the unattainable? Am I a serial suicide victim too obsessed with her death that I needed to die thousands of times instead of grieving like a normal person of my time would?

I’ve been through endless permutations of existence and I still don’t know if there is such a thing as “right” or “wrong.” How can I assign a morality to my actions when morality itself doesn’t even transcend one existence, much less infinite ones?

In all the universes where existence is capable of the complexities of higher life forms, the only constant I’ve experienced is love. My love for her endures across the vast gulf of all things. Isn’t that enough? Does my noble pursuit justify the cost?

Equivalent Prime Date January 24, 2022 E-48977, IDCT-1676067

I’ve lived far longer than anything could hope to imagine, save a few deities I encountered in my travels. For a time, I considered myself among them. I’ve gained almost incalculable knowledge and I am, for all intents and purposes, immortal. Isn’t that what a god is?

But I have since come to realize not only am I not a god, but also I have no desire to be one. Gods are limited in their infiniteness. To be a god, you cannot hold favor over some of your creations or subjects instead of others. If you do, you are no better than the whims of your subjects. Gods must be immutable and unwavering. Gods must be cruel, but just in the laws of the universe they create.

I love, so I cannot be a god. I’ve spent my “divine” gifts traveling the ether in search of my most beloved. I calculated every possible outcome for our lives in every universe in which we coexist. I yearn to give her the life she wanted, with the children she’s never been able to bear. I have conquered eternity to make her happy.

I’m unusually nervous today. I’ve relived our first date more times than I can remember, but I find myself anxious to see her again. These feelings bring me back to the first time I saw her. I can almost smell the freshly brewed coffee. Hearing the indistinct chatter, punctuated by the clashing of porcelain plates in the kitchen. My heart pounding as I rounded the corner, mere footsteps from my gorgeous fate. The first time I saw her glass not yet filled………..

Equivalent Prime Date January 25, 2022 E-48977, IDCT-1676067

All the millennia I’ve lived could never be enough time to describe my elation when I saw her waiting for me……….sipping a Merlot.

Equivalent Prime Date November 4, 2023 E-48977, IDCT-1676067

I’m going to see my bride today. It’s funny though. In all my eons of existence, this was never how I dreamt of seeing her. I always pictured her walking down the aisle in some grand church like her grandparents were married in. Her father escorting her towards me, with her tears ruining in seconds the makeup she spent hours getting just perfect.

The ultimate reality was far more beautiful and precious. While her father had tragically passed months earlier, he had lived long enough to see his only daughter deliver the news that he was going to be a grandfather. The candid photo of his face tearing up in unspeakable happiness is the same one we placed in his empty seat.

She walked down the aisle five months pregnant, somehow looking more gorgeous than I’d ever been able to conceive.

Equivalent Prime Date November 25, 2025 E-48977, IDCT-1676067

Our second child was born today. We named her Rose. She loved the name, and I loved the tribute to my travels. I learned so much from the universes where she drank Rosé. The heartbreak of her loss in those lives was more profound due to all she taught me before she passed. Knowing this would be my final universe, I felt my final life should contain something of my experience that endures beyond me.

Equivalent Prime Date February 18, 2035 E-48977, IDCT-1676067

Our son was born today. To call him unplanned would be a disservice to the idea of surprise, but now that I see him, I cannot imagine continuing in this universe without him. His sisters wanted to name him some fancy name after my side of the family. No matter how hard the girls pressed, she always noticed the look in my eye. She knew it wasn’t what I wanted to do.

Instead, we named him after her father. Luckily for me, Merle will be a constant reminder of the perfect beginning to our happy ending.