The Dateability of the Jujutsu Kaisen Men

Jujutsu Kaisen should be renamed “Hot People: The Anime” because literally every character is attractive. I’ve finally decided enough is enough; we need to discuss how dateable a lot of these guys actually are. And in advance, I'm so sorry if I drag your favorites, I promise I love them all, and all your choices are valid.

I’m focusing on anime only because I’m not too caught up on the manga (I’m so sorry Toji fans, I know he’s very handsome). Also surprise!! I have two of our fabulous ladies in here because I'm bi and they deserve admiration.

Mahito: -10/10

I have to get this out of the way because no. Sir, stay away from me. Don’t turn me into a dinosaur, don’t give me a creepy smile. This man has “pulls the wings off butterflies and enjoys it” energy and I’m not here for it. He’d probably treat you like some kind of experiment or something. The only plus is that he looks like he has soft and bouncy hair, but that’s not enough to get him out of the negatives by a long shot.

Apologies to the Mahito fans, you guys are stronger than me.

Suguru Geto: 3/10

And speaking of soft and bouncy hair, Geto would be 100/10 if we were just going on looks. He has the most unreal, luxurious hair and I would risk him murdering me just so I could ask him what shampoo he uses.

Oh Geto. You break my heart. If loving you is wrong then I don’t want to be right. Sadly, Geto isn’t all that dateable. While I have to give him a few points because he’s handsome and seems like a great conversationalist, it’s a little difficult to look past the whole mass murderer thing he has going on. That and his…questionable philosophy is a hard no for me. Plus, he gets a few points knocked off because of the centipede curses he used in the JJK 0 movie. I’m terrified of centipedes, Geto, keep that nonsense far away from me.

Sukuna: 2/10

My friends are going to hate me. Listen, we all love Sukuna. He looks cool as hell, and I like his smug characterization, but dateable? Dateable? HE IS A THOUSAND YEAR OLD CURSE CRAVING CHAOS AND DESTRUCTION. Sukuna isn’t a nice guy, to put it mildly. However, he gets at least a 1 for being hot. So why a 2, then, if he only gets a 1 for being hot?

Because we have to acknowledge the elephant in the room. Sukuna’s original form: The multiple arms, the mouth stomach, the mouth hands... I’m sorry, but everyone was thinking it, and someone needed to be brave enough to say it. I wrote this part specifically for my massive Sukuna loving pals. I see you queens, don’t worry.

So he’s not dateable, but at least he’d give you an interesting night before he slaughters you mercilessly.

Shoko Ieiri: 8/10

My bisexual side is officially here. Shoko is a doctor with some cool healing abilities, which is amazing in itself. She’s soft spoken, super chill, super pretty, and laid-back. I love her so much, oh my goodness. She’s also made of steel in her own way, and she’s always on top of her game when it comes to the work she does. Having someone with very low-key energy around is always a plus in my opinion, so she gets a high rating.

Utahime Iori: 9/10

Utahime!!! I love her!!! Where Shoko is great because she’s so chill, Utahime would be the girlfriend who would absolutely back you up if you needed it. This queen would fight your enemies and bite off anyone’s head if they bothered you. Utahime would support your ambitions, give you a reality check if you ever needed one, and be your cheerleader if she liked you enough. She’s so underrated, and deserves a high rating.

Kiyotaka Ijichi: 7/10

Ijichi needs more screen time. He’s just an anxious man. To be honest, he’s probably the most normal out of all the adults here. Ijichi would be so easy to be around. Can't you just see how domestic he'd be? Ijichi would have your name in his phone with a little heart emoji, I just know it. You would definitely be on equal footing with him, as in you’d both probably make decisions together, decide on cute little dates together. Ijichi would make for a relatively stable date.

Yaga Masamichi: 8/10

DILF.

We weren’t getting through this list without a DILF and guess what, that’s Yaga. Yaga has a stable job and he’s good at managing things without being too overbearing. Also he had to teach Gojo, so he knows how to deal with stressful people and still keep himself in check. And did I mention he makes cute plushes? That means he’ll make you cute plushes. That’s a massive win. Yaga’s another underrated pick here, but let’s be real. We love an established, put together dude who makes cute things. Also he’s totally shredded, so points for that.

Miguel: 7/10

I had to put Miguel in here, even though he has the least screen time out of anyone else on this list, but that’s how much I love him.

This rating is based primarily on the fact that Gojo was so rude to him (legit, Gojo bullied him so bad for no reason) and because he took good care of Yuta for the past year. Anyone who’s nice to Yuta is immediately a winner in my book. Also Miguel looks like he’d give the best hugs. Can we have more Miguel appreciation please? If we don't get more Miguel in the future I'll be so disappointed.

Satoru Gojo: 6.9/10

Ok…I’m prefacing this by saying I’m someone who has Gojo literally tattooed on my leg and has an entire shelf in my room dedicated to 18 acrylic stands of this man (with two more currently on the way in the mail and at least five others bookmarked to buy later). I love Gojo.

Gojo is NOT DATEABLE.

I only gave him a 6.9 because it’s a funny number, and he’d be good for a short term date. Picture Gojo whisking you away to some fancy, exciting excursion for a weekend. That’s all Gojo will give you. He’s emotionally unavailable and wouldn’t have any interest in anything serious. Honestly this man has “doesn’t do the dishes” written all over him, and I simply can’t have that. He’d be fun to hang with though. Picture a friend you could call on a whim and say, “I want to do (insert fun activity here), wanna come?” He’d join you. Hanging out with Gojo would be fun, but for the love of all that’s holy, don’t let the blue eyes draw you in.

Kento Nanami: Infinity/10

Nanami is perfect. Do you hear me? PERFECT. He would cook for you, load the dishwasher, do the laundry, listen to you after a stressful workday, the list goes on. Put a ring on this man.

Nanami is easily the most put together of the selection on this list. He’d be the most considerate person of your feelings. He has the vibes of someone who would remember the littlest details about you. You told him your favorite flower? He’d give you a bouquet of those flowers months down the line. It’s honestly so devastating that we don’t get to see a more domestic side of Nanami in the show, because it’s what the fandom deserves.

If there's one man from Jujutsu Kaisen that needs to be real in order to restore our collective faith in humanity, it simply has to be Kento Nanami.

Did I drag anyone’s favorites? Probably. But that’s what you get with a show with really dynamic characters. They may not all be dateable, but at least they’re interesting and fun to watch. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go daydream about Nanami baking bread.