Song and Memory

Woosh. Woosh. Woosh. The sound of the broom swaying back and forth mesmerized young Amhran. It reminded her of the… the something... from the time before. She closed her eyes, and leaned against the barrier that kept her and Sleepy Bear safe from being swept away with the dust.

Trying to remember... What was it? The memory was faint, but becoming stronger the more she contemplated. Woosh. Woosh. Woosh.

“Lah-la-lu, lah-la-lu.” The melody started low and sad.

Her eyes popped open and she sat back on her heels, staring. It was that woman again. She always interrupted Amrhan’s thoughts. When she started singing, the memory ran away. So Amhran covered her ears and did the only thing possible to let the intruder know how unwelcome she was.

“WAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH”

“Hush, child!” The woman’s voice was sharp, cutting. “I know you don’t like me singing.”

Amhran scrambled to the back of her enclosure, going silent as footsteps on the hard tile echoed and the woman drew near. “I’m your Mama and you’re just going to have to learn to get over it. You’re three years old now, you need to start using your words. Now, what do you want?”

Amhran stared up at her, indigo eyes wide in fear. Lower lip sticking out, tears began to slowly stream down her cheeks. One thing she would never forget, is that this woman was not her mother. __________________________________________________

Amhran clutched Sleepy Bear in one arm. Mama grabbed her other hand and pulled her onto the movement disc. A containment field engulfed them and they zoomed away to the hospital. Amhran pulled her hand away and pushed herself as far from Mama as possible, staring out at the trees and buildings that were almost visible as they rushed onward. The sound of the air moving against the field reminded her of that time in her playpen with the sound of the broom.

Mama sighed and reached into the purse at her side, pulling out the little black notebook she always carried to the hospital. She opened the cover, and flipped to an empty page, writing down something Amhran didn’t care about. To be honest, Amhran couldn’t care less for anything Mama did or wanted. Mama wanted her to be smart, a nice little pawn in her game of vying for social status.

“Child, you can talk. You’re not basic. You were the most intelligent embryo in cryo. That’s why I picked you. Why won’t you stop all this pretending to be an idiot?”

Amhran ignored her and closed her eyes. She didn’t understand Amhran at all. Amhran knew she could talk if she wanted, but she would never call that woman Mama, would never be what that woman wanted her to be- Mama was not there in the time before day and night. Mama was not there when all was dark and the only sound was a soft woosh and a feeling of something more.

She opened her eyes, staring at the reflection in the electric field. The orbs looked more purple reflected back, not lacking intelligence, but having an otherworldly wisdom that seemed inappropriate to the eight year old body she looked out from. They were framed by long black lashes, and resided in a heart-shaped, almost elfin face. Amhran loved her eyes, but only because Mama flinched whenever she chose to look into the dull brown orbs that belonged to the woman.

Amhran hated this woman, and it showed in every motion she made. For five years Mama had dragged her from doctor to doctor, trying to get her to conform to some normative functioning. Using CT scans, MRI, Cranial mapping, on and on and on. Blood draws, physicals, intelligence tests. Attempts to break into her genetic code and alter her speech centers…. memories…

The disc slowed down and stopped. Mama grabbed her hand before the dome shielding them fell, she knew that given the chance Amhran would try to escape. Amhran gave no sign of resistance as Mama yanked her into the building and through the atrium. She expected to turn left, as always, to the neuro unit, and was surprised when Mama stopped in front of the elevators and pushed the up arrow. The doors opened without pause- most people preferred to have their discs take them directly to the offices rather than using the antiquated system that they stood in front of. Thinking back to the directory she had seen as she was being pulled through the floor, Amhran knew there were only a handful of units not accessible from outside- and she wondered why Mama was taking her to the psychiatry unit… it was either that or the returns department… for failures.

Suddenly Amhran was afraid and excited. Would Mama really return her? Could she find her real mom? What would happen if she were deemed a failure?

Mama pushed the button for level 73. Returns. Amhran’s palm grew sweaty and Mama clutched it tighter, and Amhran grit her teeth so she wouldn’t cry out in pain. To distract herself she watched as the numbers began to change.

Level 2. Blink.

Level 3. Blink. Blink.

Level 5. Blink. Blink.

Level 7… this was going to take longer than she had thought.

Time seemed to have slowed down. Giving up on willing the numbers to go faster- she stared at Mama for the first time in a long time. The woman was bone thin, genetically altered to maintain a perfect physique no matter what she ate. Little apple bosoms underneath her blouse stood at attention and her face appeared to be in her mid twenties, though she was nearly seventy. Her blond hair was cut close to her scalp today, and there was a hardness around her eyes as if she had come to a decision she didn’t like.

Amhran looked back at the numbers.

Level 57. She sighed.

Mama looked down at her curiously- Amhran made her face a mask. She hadn’t meant to show impatience, any sign of emotion caused the woman to notice her.

Mama knelt down in front of her, maintaining the grip on her hand and grasping Amhran’s chin in her other hand. “Look at me, Amhran. We both know you’re smarter than I am, that’s why you’re going back. You’re not a failure. I am.”

Amhran was shocked. She had heard of parents being forced to give up their children, but she had never thought that Mama would allow that to happen.

“Amhran, I loved you, in my own way. I wish you could have loved me. I hope that your new mom is more to your liking.”

Level 73. Ding.

The doors opened on an empty hall showing two arrows. One pointed left with the word FAILURE, dim in the black surface; the other aimed right with the word RECALL lit up.

Mama’s voice cracked and Amhran watched the tears falling down her face, fascinated. She didn’t realize Mama had pressed the little black book into her hand and let go.

“Go Amhran.” __________________________________________________

Uncertain, and feeling some warmth for the woman who had tried to raise her for the first time in her life, Amhran turned, clutched Sleepy Bear and the notebook tightly and stepped out of the elevator. The doors closed without a sound and when she turned around there was not even a portal where it had been. Amhran touched the wall- there were no buttons to call the doors back.

No use worrying about what might have been. No use looking back. Amhran turned to the right and followed the hallway in a curve into a room with another child her age- another recall.

A boy, ebony skin darker than she had ever seen looked up at her entrance. She had seen other kids before, plain boring children… basic even. But this boy! She could tell just by looking at him- he was extraordinary. His eyes were a vibrant emerald green and they held the same age old look that hers had when she looked in the mirror.

"What’s your name?"

The thought was not hers, Amhran’s eyes grew wider and she grinned. "I’m Amhran."

"It’s nice to meet you. I’m Cuimhne, but you can call me Cuim. He smiled back at her. I’ve been assigned to be the greeter for all the recalls. Father left me here two days ago."

"Mama just left." Amhran was excited. She had tried to communicate with her mother when she first emerged from the place before time, but mother had been taken away and Mama had come.

"I know you have a lot of questions and we’ll get there- but I have one for you. What’s with the bear?"

Amhran’s thoughts were garbled. She took a deep breath to steady herself, and held out the stuffed animal.

"When they took my mother away and Mama came to take me on the day I emerged from the place before- I was given this. As I slowly gained control of my body I realized that Mama and those around her could not hear me, but I understood them and came to know what it was they valued. I knew that if I held onto Sleepy Bear, as they called it, then I could slowly gather things to find my real mother. They thought me simple, basic, dumb. They didn’t hide their secrets or their stashes and so…." Amhran put the book down and poked her finger into a hole at the back of the bear’s neck and worked her hand into it.

Cuim waited patiently, head cocked and eager, and his laughter echoed in her head as she pulled out a hand full of credits.

"There’s around twenty thousand in here. I figured I could just keep gathering them wherever Mama took me and when I got the chance to run I’d be able to find some way to use them."

Cuim’s body shook with silent laughter.

"The others are not going to believe this! Twenty thousand dollars in credit chits! Come on- let’s go and I’ll show you the rest of the facility. You don’t have to worry about Mama coming back for you, but it may be awhile before you can go out and try to find your real mother. We’re recalls, because the world out there isn’t ready for us."

"What do you mean we have to live here?"

"Only for a little while, Amhran, only until the world is prepared. For now- we stay here. Dr. A takes care of us so you hold on to that money for now."

Amhran reached out and offered her hand to her new friend, Cuimhne took it. Never had she believed in her desperation to escape that she would end up with the extraordinary luck to have a friend, or to have twenty thousand chits. A portal opened, leading deeper into Level 73, and she remembered the notebook she had set down.

"One second." Amhran walked back and picked up her past, every doctor appointment and test record she had ever endured. Cuim watched her and nodded.

"Let me show you the way to the future."