Innate

Part I

I dreamt of the Michigan River again, last night. The cold waves lapped my feet, mom sat in the lawn chair, happy, waving, as E yelled, “Come on it’s not that cold, once you get in”. I yelled, “Naw!” “What, you scared?'' He shouted. That was it, I heard my big bro’s challenge and plunged in. It was freezing— sub-zero, but only for a few minutes. We were happy then. I wanna be happy again. My phone vibrated, announcing, uber was en route. I snapped out of it, and searched for my right sock. I have to get out of here.

The concrete streets of my hometown sounded better, compared to the monstrous events I experienced in this sham of a country paradise last night. I was tricked into thinking the moon that sparkled off the creek, and the quiet soothing music of nature was a representation of peace. Instead, it was numbing before the bite.

I shook my head and tried to knock the images of bovine features on human faces. Anthropomorphic nightmares attacking, ripping out throats of hungover teenagers in an abandoned barn, turned into an illegal rave. Fun turned to violence, with a rude awakening in who or… what I am, as my arms mutated into copper swords.

Now, I stood amongst antique lamps and doilies in the living room of my family's old plantation home. The smell of savory biscuits n’ gravy tried to coax me to stay. I was deciding whether to tip toe, or barrel out the door.

Too late. Aunt Geraldine, blocked the entryway, wiping perspiration off her sepia skin. My heart dropped at the look in her eyes. Aunt Geraldine, is usually smiling, laughing, teasing, cognac clutched in her red scarlet lacquer manicured hand. Now, her face was grim. “Sit chile, I won't bite.” Aunt Geraldine said, and sat. I crept closer to the dining table where she sat. Aunt Geraldine poked out her lips, frustrated. “Efrem, sit”. I sat, quickly. Her look of empathy stilled me. She reached for my hands, gripping them tight, closing her eyes. I stared, terrified, as she gripped tighter. I flinched when she sucked in quick deep breaths, and shuttered. Tingling crept up the back of my neck, and around my ears; our heads jerked involuntarily. Swift, heavy calm fell over me. Darkness took me. A peep of light called out at the end of what seemed to be a long hallway. Lost and confused, I walked down the stretch of darkness until I reached light, only to find the light wasn't very light at all; just gradations of darkness. I breach an intangible threshold. Red hues everywhere— a claret caste sky loomed casting shadows instead of sunlight. I coughed violently, amidst thick smoke, stoot and ash. I blinked rapidly before gaining my bearings. A rumble of explosions jolted the ground, accompanied by angry flashes of light.

There was no grass, no animals, no trace of bugs to be found. It was a void of natural sound and organic movement, other than my own. The smell of toxic char, mingled with exhaust like the fumy, chemical stench of traffic. What bothered me the most was the lack of people. I helloed, for a human response. My spirit fell as I recognized the decayed Fleur-de-lis symbol everywhere— Louisiana destroyed, antique buildings now rubble; large rocks, debris mixed in the once vibrant landscape. I walked miles before I recognized people in the distance. A man and woman sat at a fire. With excitement, I approached. “Hey!” I screamed, they didn’t even look my way… could they hear me? I continued screaming with no acknowledgement. Irritation grew into short uncontrollable breaths, my heart pounded. The panic was stronger than my needtobreathe. I fell to my knees, sucking in as much air as I could; my breath finally caught up to me. I stood up in front of them— stopped in my tracks. I couldn’t believe my eyes. There I was staring at my own face— old, really old, like 40— horrified. My skin was jacked up, covered in patches and growths. I am wearing a freaking eye-patch. In spite of all that, I looked strong, imposing, wiser. My one eye gave me the chills, it knew too much.

My cousin Luellen, aka Lue, had a similar skin condition. She was old too, but powerful, calmer. The Lue I know is edgy, like a live wire ready to detonate. Animated by the conversation, Lue sat up straight, and her cloak fell flat. I stepped back and confirmed my suspicion, Lue's right arm was missing. I reeled.

“You guys can’t see me, can you?” I whispered, then plopped down in front of them, accepting the fact that I was alone. I started to get up, but something strange began to happen. The wind drew me back, first a little, and then a lot. So much so, it was as if gravity was being swept from beneath me. I no longer had control of myself; the wind picked me up and pulled me towards the other me. My body was now attached to his. “Wha… what’s happening?!!” The attachment turned to absorption, and that absorption turned to a bright light. I felt the same heavy calmness when Aunt Geraldine grabbed my hands. Where was I going now? Things started coming into focus, now staring at the spot I was just sitting, my eyes began to take on the being of this wiser self, his memories became my memories. Molecularly, I expanded— now two souls in one.

Part II

“We need to get back to the others,” Lue said. “They’re here.” She continued.

Everything came crashing in my head all at once. I thought, they’re here? Who are they? I know... not in my mind, in my older mind, who “they” are. The first unit, seven of the best fighters we have at our disposal. A mix of species: human, fey, were and more. They just completed the mission— infiltrated and destroyed one of the largest feeding grounds.

“Good, unit two?” I said. Lue snapped impatiently, “If you get up from this useless chanting, you’d know. Come and see for yourself! I told you before I am not your…” I cut her off, “Calm down, please.” Lue jumped up, turned away, closing her eyes a moment. I waited… proud, because she’s light years from the girl who would have laser-singed my ears for telling her to calm down. She coolly sat, stared at me, then spoke softly. “They need you, we need you, right now. We can’t afford having our leader checked out, or on a mental sabbatical.” Lue looked in the distance at the war. She swallowed, fighting back tears. ”We are losing,” she murmured. I shook my head. “I have seen victory... your mother, saw the victory.” Lue barked a painful laugh and said, “before or after she went insane?” I tried to reassure her, “I have faith.” She shook her head, “faith without works Is dead.” The alarm sounded, a raid began North of us by the blasts in the horizon.

It wasn’t Lue or incendiaries that got me up, prayer and meditation is as important as strategy. Aurora’s return is what did it, I need to lay eyes on her. I stood, and quickly noticed my new vantage point, expertly tilted my head back and forth, compensating for the eye loss. A flood of memory information came up about the loss. The old me pushed it back down, having recovered from that tragedy. We walked towards a massive boulder in front of a bunker, where two soldiers stood. One in a hazmat suit completely unrecognizable, and the other bald, shirtless, huge, with knives and spears strapped everywhere. They both had large sleek pewter assault weapons; they saluted me. Auggie and Winter, the best sentinels. Auggie, a water sprite whose skin is too sensitive to live outside of a hazmat suit, and Winter, an orc halfling we found in battle. They were some of our first students.

We entered home, the compound— a cave turned sanctuary. The cool tan stone, colorful weaved ottomans, metal carafes of cool welled water, a welcome relief from the wasteland above.

Aurora sat with fellow soldiers, my heart stopped. She cut me a wry look. I just met her last night, and didn’t even know her name. But the old man loves her, so much so my heart can barely take it. She is our soul mate, and there is more, I can feel it. She carries our child. A rush of fear surfaces. She shouldn't be here, but I can’t tell her not to fight. No one can tell her what to do. She’s a warrior.

I heard Lue corralling the units, her voice boomed, “alright, maniacs! Let's debrief, we have a lot of work to do.” She trailed off in the background.

I continued to watch Aurora for a while. She noticed, smiled, and walked towards me. “Out thinking again, I’m glad to see you back in one piece,” She said. “How’s Lue?” I shook my head, smiling. “After a long battle, what do you think?” Aurora smirked, “probably refreshed,” we laughed.

I moved in, pressing my body into her, feeling two heartbeats. I whispered, “How are you?” I fingered the heart-shaped locket that consummated us in secret. I shouldn’t have asked or touched her, she doesn’t want to appear weak. “I’m fine,” Aurora bristled, pushing me away. I laugh, but it's quickly cut short. What is that? That prickling feeling —warning, danger; it haunts me like a cancer. One of the students urgently blows the horn. For a moment, I watched everyone break into disciplined chaos. I was confused about what was happening, until the old me kicked in. Slowly, in my peripheral vision, behind Winter, I see Toni, a new student, stand, pull out a blade, and slash Winter’s neck -- quick, fast and hard. “Noooo!” I screamed. My blood ignites, my body transforms, now with ease my arms morph into glistening copper swords. Aurora takes flight, shouting, “The rear, the rear”! The ground beneath us quakes violently. A gas bomb ignites. A swarm enters like an avalanche of distorted bodies. I see Lue’s glow in the mele’. She’s a deadly dancer, dispatching lasers from her body, decapitating, maiming the intruders.

We never saw it coming. The explosion rocked the interior, throwing us. The smoke settled. The trader in our midst lacerated our heart. I begged God, Allah and the universe for forgiveness, as I eviscerated every foreign entity in reach. A distorted crazed face of a demon leveled it’s shaft on Aurora. My right arm formed a massive Khopesh, slicing it in two. Another explosion rocked us, and the interior collapsed. I crawled over my comrades and debris in search of Aurora. I found her, but not the way I wanted to.

I held her in my arms, crushed, defeated, angry— every emotion shot through me, spinning. Before I could land on one— a flutter, a heartbeat. I need to feel two beats, two forms of life. I gasped, No! Then, I was snatched away from my older self, watching my own sorrow and confusion.

Is this the loss? I grasped at my future me, desperate, attempting to reach myself. I can’t! Before I knew it, I was yanked, back through the darkness. Aunt Geraldine’s voice inside my head, dragging my spirit back. Stop! Don’t take me back, I need to know, I thought.

Aunt Geraldine clutched my face hard, “come on baby, come back to me.” I sucked in air, doubled over, clearing my mind, orienting myself. Aunt Geraldine squeaked, I was hurting her, digging my nails into her wrists. I calmed my breathing, and saw the table knocked over, biscuits and gravy splatter on the floor. Aunt Geraldine whispered incessantly, “you're alright, it's just “a” path.” “It won’t be anyone’s path.” I reassured her. “Then we fight,” she replied.