How Clean Are You?

By now, we all know that we are so much more than our Sun signs, but I put this little list together for fun; for some giggles. When analyzing your personality, life, etc., it is very important to look at the entire chart and highly recommended to seek the advice and guidance of a professional astrologer who can analyze and help you understand your chart. I look at natal charts as a sort of blueprint of your soul contract. There is information on how to order a natal chart and analysis below.

But for now, let’s all enjoy a little giggle (remember to laugh at yourself, not just others.)

1. VIRGO

Is anyone surprised Virgos are at the top of the list? They are so obsessive with being clean, and the most serious germophobes are Virgos. You have a hidden stash of white gloves in your bureau, and you use them on everything and everybody. Germs shake in terror when you enter the room. You can actually eat off of your floors, but OMG you never would. On the other hand, Virgos can be overcome with feelings of helplessness when it comes to things being clean and can be sloppy in weird places because at times, all the worrying about germs can just be too much.

2. ARIES

Seeing clutter gives you a headache. Aries are minimalists. And you disdain sloppiness as a sign of weakness. “What? You can’t manage to fold your socks and put them away neatly?” They seem to say as they look down their nose at you. You are the drill sergeants who expect beds to be made so tightly you can bounce a penny off of it. Garbage makes you cringe and if you could load up all the earth’s garbage and send it to another planet, you would be okay with that. You scrub your dishes before loading them in the dishwasher because secretly you suspect that the dishwasher is lazy and will not able do as good a job as you.

3. CANCER

You keep the cleaning products companies in business. Your cabinets are full of spray cleaners, deodorizers, bleach, peroxide. You have to try every new product. Every little spot of dirt has its own product, and you own all of them. Your home and family are very important to you, and you will make sure everything is spit spot including yourself. You carry deodorant, toothpaste, toothbrush, and a spare pair of panties everywhere. Personal hygiene is very important, and if you do not shower or bathe at least once a day you become very “crabby.”

4. SCORPIO

Obsessed with the dark side, you attract dirt like sin. You see this as a weakness, and heavens knows Scorpios cannot exhibit any sort of “weak” behavior. So, you scrub your home diligently as if you are trying to remove the remnants of a crime scene. You are this way with your body also. It must be kept purified and perfect. Even if you drag that body through mud and debauchery (metaphorical or real), you will scrub away any evidence. You are meticulous about your teeth and brush at least three times. As attracted as you are to the underside of life and the darkness within us all, you will not allow it to attach to your home or body. You can be an exercise fiend also in an attempt to rid your body of ill health and toxins (which is not a bad thing).

5. CAPRICORN

Cleanliness for you is all about keeping up appearances. You and your home may appear spotless, but there is grime and clutches of dust bunnies in the corners. For God sakes don’t look under the sofa cushions unless you need coffee money (make sure you do not attempt this unless you are wearing rubber gloves). Superficially, you have it all together. Peel away the wrapping paper and you’re a mess. You are fine, not showering every day, just sniff your pits and bits and if you don’t gag you go on your way. Wash your face before putting your make up on? Maybe, sometimes, probably not. It’s all about appearances. And appearances for you are really only slapping on a clean layer of paint.

6. TAURUS

Not so much clean, as orderly. Everything has a place, and everything should be returned to its place. If there is some grime on the dishes, that’s okay as long as they are in the right place in the cabinet. A stain on your blouse, that’s okay as long as there are no wrinkles in the blouse. You clean for company by dumping everything in the closet or under the bed. In your mind, that is its place (for now), and you’ll sort it out later. Masters at procrastination, everything can be put off until “later.” You constantly lose things because you can’t remember where you put them because in a momentary lapse of attention, you assigned the object a new, special safe “place” to be. Usually, you pretty clean hygienically. You want to always smell nice and will take looooonnnnngggg baths. You probably have ten different scented soaps and 20 bottles of expensive perfume in your bathroom. Disorder makes you dizzy.

7. GEMINI

Oh, the twins. They just cannot let their right hand know what their left hand is doing. That plays out in that you can be the most horrific slob and then turn into a dervish and your home looks like an operating theatre. You tend to be a bit narcissistic, so your personal hygiene is impeccable, and you look down your nose at other people who aren’t as perfect as you. Being a “twin” you have the skills of two which makes you feel superior. When you are in cleaning mode, your home is amazing, when not probably your bathroom is the most disgusting. People will drive to McDonalds to use their bathroom before using yours. Be better.

8. SAGITTARIUS

You might be the funniest and brightest person in the room, but it’s been weeks since you have taken out the trash, and your sink is overflowing with filthy dishes (can you learn how to scrap a plate, for Gawd’s sake). In fact, from time to time, you just throw it all away, dishes, sheets, clothes, underwear and go out and buy new things because you just can’t get it together enough to clean. Not always the best with personal hygiene (when was the last time you flossed?) It’s been roughly six months since you flossed. Yeah, you’re cute, but you stink. Be better or hire a housekeeper. Take showers. You have had people break up with you because your apartment is a filthy dump.

9. AQUARIUS

Your mind runs like a machine. You pay your bills on time. Your checking account is always balanced, but your house is disgusting. You tend to hoard because you worry you will need something if you get rid of it. As for personal hygiene, you do things halfway. You will rinse off in the shower, but not bother to wash or use soap. You will brush your teeth, but not floss or use mouthwash. You just can’t be bothered. You are okay with bathing once a week or until someone complains. Get some garbage bags, donate some of the junk you have accumulated; you can write it off on your taxes and schedule regular bathing with soap. Get out of your head; you live in the real world.

10. PISCES

No one wants to hurt a Pisces feelings because no one wants to see the Crocodile tears start welling up in your beautiful round luminescent eyes. But that’s not me. Honey, you’re a slob. Quit making excuses. Yes, cleaning is never ending, but it has to be done. Quit making excuses. Yes, it will get messy right away but if you stay on top of it, you can avoid finding yourself and your home on an episode of Hoarders. Take pictures of your treasured items and then get rid of them. Enlist the aid of an Aries friend to help you be tough. And you do know you should change your sheets every week, right?

11. LEO

Royalty does not clean. That is it in a nutshell. And Leos are the royalty of the zodiac. So if you are a Leo, make sure you are making enough money to hire a housekeeper. You know you have more important things to do than cleaning, such as gazing in the mirror, even if the mirror is covered in grim and filth. Personal hygiene can be iffy. Why should you HAVE to bathe, wear clean clothes, etc.? You are the King/Queen of the Jungle. People should love you no matter what you look or smell like. Unless you are in wooing mode, then the house is clean, the body is perfect, the clothes are immaculate, but when not looking for romance, it all falls apart. Quit looking at yourself through rose-colored glasses. Hate to tell you, you are just one of us regular folk.

12. LIBRA

In your case, the scales tip clearly toward sloppiness. It is very difficult for you to get the scales balanced. It all becomes overwhelming very easily, so instead of cleaning, you just put on some reasonably clean clothes (another sign famous for sniffing clothes to see if they can wear them again) and go out looking for more interesting things to do and people to meet. Orderliness can seem too much for you, and you enjoy the drama of having to search for your car keys. You love the image of being “cute and helpless.” And being a slob, in your mind, can make you seem helpless. “how can little old me be expected to get my hands dirty and clean?” You do realize there is a city of cock roaches living in the pile of pizza boxes in the corner, don’t you? Personal hygiene is the same. This is another one who thinks rinsing off is sufficient. Buy yourself some nice, scented soap and use them!

As I said, this is just fun.

Julie O'Hara 2023

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