Hello, Lover

16/788/14 s.d.

Hello, Lover

I am reminded these long days of our adventures in the Kaskata spiral, do you remember? Sunshine peeking through forests in the sky and clouds of light beneath dark waters… I think you will agree when I say that memory could never do it justice.

So often I find myself reminiscing, as if our days together were so long ago. Before we left the Defensive I was always afraid that it would feel like we were lost, forgoing the structure and rigid schedule for private work and personal freedom. I am not sure exactly what I think now, but what I do know, what I have always known, is that I am never lost when I am with you, and now, in your excruciating absence, sometimes I think that I am loosing my way again.

It is strange, my reality feels like a daydream, but I cannot fathom what it is I did to deserve this, and those thoughts turn into hurricanes sometimes. In these moments I miss you most, because it is lonely in the eye of the storm, and we have so often had the luxury of braving these dark waters together.

Oh, Lover, you mustn't worry for me, though, because the world around me is beautiful, I am living my dreams surrounded by deeply generous people in the pursuit of understanding our world. What could be better than that?

I have had little time to write to you these days, but our trek to the city has been forced into an unfortunate detour by thick clouds and their dangerous voices, and I am almost thankful for the delay, because Lover, I have so much to tell you.

It is saddening, but the habit of looking over my shoulder to tell you something, or to simply see your face has almost faded. Instead, these days, I find myself drafting letters to you in my head, weaving intricate words into something beautiful for you; I often have to scribble the sentences on my skin to avoid losing them.

In the evenings since our travels began, the convoy sits around the fire in conversation, music is often played; their instruments produce a sound that is hard to describe in its beauty. It was on one of these occasions that I was introduced to a lovely local who goes by the name Idris.

In conversation with him I am sure that I have found a wonderful new friend. He tells me of his own lover, Alisa, who lives in the city and whom I will presumably meet once we arrive. He asked me if I have someone myself but quickly interrupted his own voice. He said, ‘oh, you do. I can see it.’ When I asked how he could tell, he said simply ‘Your eyes filled with love.’

It is funny, Lover, I never realized how clearly I wear my love for you; still I couldn't hide it, even if I tried, and I don't think that love is something to hide, so I am lucky, because I have never had to try.

These nights are long without you, but melancholy keeps you close to my heart; these reminiscings bring your voice to my ears and for now, I suppose that will have to be enough.

Forever yours,

A.

xxxxxxxxx

serpens (in order):56/787/14 10/788/14

icarus (in order): 64/787/14 14/788/14

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