When Adulting Gets Too Intense, We All Need a Sexy Retreat

It was a Friday night midway through one of the covid lockdowns. We were with our bubbled friends, doing a wine tasting at their home. Their kids and ours were eating dinner upstairs. We were talking about how hard it was to find alone, adult time. Between work and school from home, and tight social bubbles, the kids were never more than 50 feet away from us. And our kids are teens — they neither need nor want that proximity.

And at that moment, we came up with a brilliant idea. We would find a one-month rental on a downtown Air BnB. It would be adults only; the kids would not even know we had it. And either of us — or both — could retreat there whenever we wanted. If we wanted an afternoon tryst, just tell the kids we were going out to the grocery store. If we wanted a sexy evening get-together, we would simply ‘go out for a walk’. An overnight away — that might be a little tougher to explain — but we knew we would come up with something.

It felt like a brilliant idea. We looked into it but, ultimately, couldn’t find anything downtown that met our standards. Not to sound like a snob, but the places we could find in the areas we wanted — they all seemed kind of ‘studenty’ and we didn’t feel we would love them.

But it got the wheels spinning on adult places we could retreat to, during and after the pandemic.

In the past, we had always been spoiled. When our kids were little, despite the busyness of parenting, adult time came easily to us. We — my wife, myself, and our friends — were open with our kids about parents needing time and space to be together. So we each had areas on our houses that were ‘adult spaces’. When they were quite little, and very predictable sleepers, we could even get up to some shared sexy shenanigans after the kids went to sleep.

But kids grow to teens. And teens never sleep and they know everything that goes on under their roof. We need, as adults, places to go where we can embrace our adultness.

The Air BnB didn’t work out. But it did unleash a raft of creativity and has landed us in a tremendous space. So, for those of you looking for adult time, here are a few things we came up with:

Our Cottage as the adult playground. For better or for worse, our kids will rarely come to the cottage. It has no wifi. And that seems to be a show stopper. We were disappointed at first, but then we started to realize that we do so much as a family, maybe going to the cottage together was not a hill to die on. So, we flipped it on its head a bit. We decided that, since the cottage was mostly only going to house adults, we would make it our space. We brought up tons of fur blankets and pillows, a nice martini, wine and Prosecco glasses, and a nice bar and wine collection. We got an awesome record player and loads of vinyl. And it’s become the place we go to play. Tiny bikinis, long sunny afternoons with drinks, and maybe a little pot or mushrooms. Countless afternoons and evenings in the summer and fall just being adults, recharging our batteries away from the kids. And the kids, happy at home with UberEats.

Downtown suite hotels for the more opulent evenings. Early in the pandemic, we discovered a gorgeous condo building that rented out a few of their units on a nightly basis. They have gorgeous 2 bedrooms, with baths, balconies, nice kitchens, and living spaces. We started a monthly ritual, that we still continue today. Finish work early on a Friday and meet at the condo at about 3:30. My wife would lead us through a short yoga class, to let us unwind and change channels from the workweek. Then a glass of Prosecco or a themed cocktail on the balcony and everyone getting showered and dressed for dinner. We would then do takeout from a nice restaurant, and then all have a long, sexy night together. Having our huge space, with no curfews, indulgent massages, costume changes, no fear of children coming in, no bedtime, and no wake-up time. Luxurious.

We love our kids, and we love family time together. But we also love our adult time. I am so happy we’ve found a way to prioritize each.