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Virginity, what's the big deal about it?

A discussion about the concept of virginity past and present

By Kaitlynn EsquibelPublished 2 years ago 5 min read
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Virginity, what's the big deal about it?
Photo by Quino Al on Unsplash

What makes a person a virgin and has that term lost it's meaning through the years? In the early middle ages when there was knights and king and queens a woman's virginity was a prize for a man especially if that man held a royal title. They would often do virginity checks and if the woman didn't bleed on her wedding night after having sex then she was deemed not a virgin and would often be killed. Thinking about what was normal then seems pretty harsh now. Many women don't want to think about having to bleed during their first time but back then women would carry viles of pig or other animal blood just in case they didn't bleed. The middle ages was extreme in how they handled most things including females in general but it is important to note where most of these concepts started.

Let's fast forward a bit to the 20th/21st centuries or modern day for some. When hearing about virginity or someone being a virgin, you will picture a female who is pure, innocent, naïve, never been touched by another man, etc. Why is that? Does it have to do with the way we have been raised to assume innocence and virginity in the same sentence? In the bible we have the "Virgin Mary" and that is one of the earliest virgins that are listed that I remember being taught about her. I'm pretty sure there are some other examples of virgins in our culture but she is the one that comes up the most when mentioning the word virgin. For all the astrology fans out there the sign Virgo or as it is also known as the maiden or the virgin. I am a fellow Virgo and I recall others would snicker when they heard the term Virgo meaning virgin. In most depictions of the sign she is shown with angel wings furthering the idea of purity.

Majority of us have taken a sex education class at some point in our lives and we all know how certain topics made us blush and snicker. The sex education class I took in 7th grade heavily focused on us ladies to "not have sex before marriage" and to remain "pure". While the males in the class were not given the same discussion. There has always been this divide between the sexes (not genders) and the topic of virginity. For those who identified as males it was normal for them to lose it as fast as they could. I remember standing in the lunch line in high school and overhearing some guys talk and one of them said "Yeah I slept with her but it wasn't good. It was her first time and all but I the sex was so bad I think I'm going to break up with her". I was appalled to what I heard. A female is looked at to not have sex with anyone but also know everything about it. If she loses her virginity quickly she is labeled a whore. If a male waits to lose his he is labeled a "pussy"/"wimp". All because a person does not want to have sex. So why the stigma? Why do we as a society care about the word virginity?

If someone is waiting until marriage then they are looked at either two ways. 1. Good for them for following the bible. OR 2. The sex will be so terrible I give them 2 months tops before they divorce. Even if it's not for religious purposes if that person just doesn't want to risk getting pregnant young or just doesn't feel ready for sex sometimes people assume it's about religion. Why do we care? Because it is labels and conversations that make people feel forced to give in to what society wants them to do. If you feel constant pressure from your peers to no longer be considered a virgin, sometimes can lead to regret later in life. I've known friends whom have said "I wish I didn't give my virginity to the first guy I kissed.... I wasn't comfortable with my body and I should have waited until I was". Peer pressure often forces us to make decisions based on what our peers are doing at the same time whether we feel we are ready for those decisions or not.

How can we flip the script and make a new meaning for the word virgin/virginity? I personally believe the less and less we use it in a negative connotation we take away it's negative power. If someone wants to have sex then they should have sex when they feel they are ready and should not have to put a time limit on when it is okay to lose it. The movie 40 year old Virgin with Steve Carell is a perfect example as to why you don't need to put a time limit on when you should have sex. You are not really losing anything you are just having sex so why should there be a label about losing something attached to it?

I want to say I'm not criticizing anyone for the choices they make with their bodies. I think we all are ready to have sex when we choose to and who it is with. Sometimes we wait while our friends are hooking up and having sex with others but we don't feel the same and that is okay. If you are waiting until marriage and that is a decision you are set on, then I'm happy for you knowing your boundaries. Others that are waiting until they are comfortable with their partners, only you know when you are ready and if the person you are with doesn't want to wait till you are comfortable then they are not the right person. Trust me I know from experience. If there is anything you would like to add or comment on please comment below.

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About the Creator

Kaitlynn Esquibel

Sometimes all you need is a good book and a cup of tea to start the day off right. Other times it's life that throws a story at you and you can't help but catch it and run with all the crazy twists and turns life throws your way.

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