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Virginity Vs Him

How to choose between your commitment for your virginity and your love for him.

By Kitty MinajPublished 4 years ago 3 min read
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Nothing hurts like watching the guy you love beg for it, it even hurts more when he tells you it’s okay. I really wonder, I mean I don’t know how most girls did it but to me breaking your virginity is the hardest thing ever. Although I wish I was not a virgin, but most times I wonder….

I wonder how it feels to wake up with a hole in your vagina, or do you really wake up with a hole? I wonder about the pain when the penis is entering the vagina, that really seems painful and I’m sure it is. Will I enjoy my first time? Will i satisfy him like a normal girl would. But most importantly after he broke my virginity what’s next?

Can we get married now? Can you promise me forever at least? Will you still like me like you used too? Would you still need me? Although I see love and affection when you beg for it. My fear is that it might not be true love even if it’s real. Yes, it’s feels amazing, and really warm. Then again maybe that’s how lust feels like.

Maybe it is love but how will you know when every time he touches you, you end up in bed and next thing you know your jean is off, his shit unbutton while his hands are squeezing your breasts going down under your legs with an amazing feeling that makes you gasp as you touch his hand to stop it…

To stop him. Because as much as you love him, you love yourself more. And I don’t know why, but I know that no matter what eventually he’ll hurt you. Maybe after letting him in, because you only feel his love when he touches you. Most times he acts like you’re just his friend, not even trying to get in your pants. Truth is sex is all he wants.

But every time you stop him, and he gives you a very cute puppy disappointed look, "Oh please, babe, do you know that you are hurting me…” as he gets off on top of you angrily then cuddle you like you will run away. And in that moment I swear, although you will feel loved, trust me guilt will deal with you. You will find your self fighting with your decisions; your heart wanting to let him get the cookie and your mind sticking to the virgin plan.

The world will feel like it’s shaking in a romantic way as he squeeze you so tight, giving you an amazing feeling which makes you question yourself if you should just let him in or not. And in that moment it’s like you stack between your commitment for your virginity and your love for the guy...

And it’s hard to choose because you will eventually lose one and probably regret your choice.

I love you so much. But as much as I am committed to you, my virginity is all I’ve got. To the point that I don’t mind dying a virgin than to get my heart torn in regrets with a hole in my vagina. Though I don’t have to choose, because love shouldn’t be about sex, sex is just the icing on the cake. I can have both I believed but you said I couldn't. I guess I have to let you go. I am committed to you but my commitment for my virginity is more important. I am a virgin with a plan and I am not going to ruin that plan for unsure and realistic feelings

-Patience

relationships
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