Uncertain

She won’t stay.

What a mood breaker. Why does my mind do this to me? I know she loves me. Her head is on my chest, her breaths coming with the ease of sleep as the dawning sun shimmers in her hair. I just want it to stay like this forever and there’s no reason for me to think it won’t.

Except I'm sure her last lover thought that too.

I sigh heavily and slip my arm out from under her neck, careful not to wake her so I can go use the washroom and splash these thoughts from my mind. I stare at myself in the mirror, wondering if I’m good looking enough for her, a good enough person for her. I look nothing like her ex and I know she’s not in it for the looks, but I find myself thinking of working out to look better for her anyway. I could tone up a bit.

I hear her waking.

“Mmmm, babe?”

“I’m just in the washroom. Be right there.” I run some water through my hair then head back out to bed.

“You okay?” She asks me sleepily.

“Yeah, just not all there yet.” I lie, kiss her tenderly and smile. She looks at me like she knows something has been bothering me. There’s no point in saying it again. We’ve discussed it and she’s assured me that we’re fine. I know there were many reasons she left him; it wasn’t me. And yet, I can't help feeling guilty for taking her and worried that someone else will take her from me.

“I’m hungry.” She says as she rolls onto her back and stretches languidly. Such a wonderful view. “Should we make something or go out?”

“It’ll take a little longer if we go out, but if you’re not starving I’d love to take you for brunch.”

“Yes! You know I love brunch.”

“You know I love you.”

“I do.” She sits up to kiss me. “Let me go pee and get washed up, then I’ll be out to get dressed.” She hops out of bed excitedly to use the bathroom. She doesn’t close the door all the way, so I can still see her as she gets into the shower. She wiggles her ass, knowing full well I’ll see, then the shower curtain breaks the view.

I flop back on the bed and put my hand to my forehead. She does so many things to me, mostly good things, but some are oh so bad. I shift around my arousal.

I decide that I’m more hungry for her than I am for breakfast and head in to join her in the shower.

“Care for some company?” I ask, stripping off my boxers.

“Always gorgeous.”

She is partially soaped up and I hold out my hand to take the loufa, offering to scrub her back. She moans appreciatively as I rub circles over her back and shoulders. I drop the loufa in favour of feeling her with my hands and give her a firm massage. She turns toward me and leans in for a long kiss, caressing my body with her hands as well. The shower has graciously washed away the soap and I nibble my way along her jawline to kiss her neck. She tilts her head, allowing me to explore more of her neck and throat with my mouth. My hands find their way between her legs and her breath catches as I rub her inner thigh. She grabs my hair and pulls my head back up so she can kiss me deeply. I spin her around and pin her to the back of the shower where the water can’t wash away her moisture.

“You’re not too hungry for a little delay are you?” I ask breathily as my fingers make their way to the opening of her vagina.

“I think I can wait a little -ugh- while.” She replies, grunting with pleasure as I press inside of her.

“I don’t think I want to wait for MY snack.” I whisper in her ear before trailing kissing down her body. My tongue finds her clitoris and she grasps my hair, pressing me in and spurring me on. I don’t need any encouragement; her excitement is catching and in this moment, I want nothing more than to make her climax. With my free arm, I lift her leg up over my shoulder, wrap my arm around her thigh and pull on the top of her pubic mound to pull her clitoral hood away from the clitoris my tongue has been caressing. I press my attention there and take pleasure in the moans coming from above and the pull on my hair.

Her moans turn to wails of pleasure and she presses her legs to the sides of my head. I relent but resist her attempts to pull me away. I let her catch her breath and her sensitivity to abate, but I hold her firmly in place letting her know that we are not done. I kiss her thighs while she runs her hands through my hair and flex my fingers, testing. She flinches and takes a sharp breath so I wait.

The next time I try, she relaxes into it so I begin again, slower this time, letting her pleasure wash over us both. I pull my fingers in and out with long, slow strokes and revel at the swelling and pulsing surrounding them. Pulling my face away, I look up to see her head tilted back, her eyes closed and her chest rising with deep breaths. My thumb circles her clitoral hood gently, avoiding the overstimulation of direct contact for now.

She looks down at me adoringly and I smile up at her, squeezing her close to me then turn my mouth back to replace my thumb. I dig my nails into her ass just enough to get a reaction and pull her hips forward with both my free hand and my busy fingers. She presses down into me and I set my intentions to giving her a second orgasm. Her movements become erratic and I think she’s about to cum but first she sinks down to her knees with me and pulls my face to hers and kisses me passionately.

“Keep going.” She pleads between breaths and I do, bending my fingers and pressing in on her g-spot. I put my free hand behind her neck and pull her into a deeper kiss until she throws her head back and then I bite her neck and hold her firm as she stiffens and trembles then falls limp in my arms. I let my fingers slide out of her as we both sag to sitting in the tub, holding each other and breathing heavily. She kisses the top of my head and laughs our her mirth.

After a few ragged breaths, she shivers.

“Oh! The water has gone cold!” She kisses me then jumps up and offers me a towel.

“I kind of like it. I’m gonna wash up real quick anyway.” I reply and reach for the soap.

I wash quickly and welcome the warm towel she brings me a few minutes later.

She’s dressed now, casual jeans and a printed T with her favourite band and an open hoodie - my hoodie, I realize. She grins at me, both asking permission to keep it on and knowing that I love it on her.

I quickly dress similarly, grab the car keys and hold the door for her.

It isn’t a long drive to our favourite brunch spot and we make small talk on the way and as we wait for our food.

Her food is growing cold as she talks animatedly on a new hobby she’s picked up. I do love when she gets excited like this.

There are no guarantees that we will be together forever, whatever the reason. I am just happy that she wants me with her right here, right now. That little voice will always be there, but I won’t let it stop me from enjoying what I have.