Top Ten Reasons Why Women Cheat

Want to know why women step out? Why did they decide that the “good wife” model is obsolete? I know you do.

These are the top 10 reasons why women cheat.

1. He was a “good provider,” but I never felt much passion for him.

The good provider syndrome.

He’s a great dad, a good person, but doesn’t light one iota of fire in your pants.

Not one.

You need a little bit of a bad boy in the sack. Someone who doesn’t do what they’re told. Someone who keeps you on edge (both literally and figuratively). A man, dammit. You need to be held down.

Mr. Good Provider isn’t it.

2. He’s an ass.

He treats you like shit — time to turn the tables.

“Let’s add some wood to the fire” of this relationship — time to incinerate it! Payback is a bitch. Then you marry one.

3. I want to leave, but for financial/religious/family reasons, I can’t.

Yes, see my other article. Copy and paste.

I know. I know. The “what will everyone think” outcome. I’m stuck, too — the almighty ka-ching. I don’t want to be broke and alone, either. I’d rather lie and get dick.

You would, too.

4. He’s addicted to porn and he’d rather masturbate than have sex with me.

I love porn.

See below. I know my PornHub — I have an account; that’s how into porn I am.

Believe me, I’m no prude. But, my hubby hides his porn use, and God only knows what else.

5. He has erectile dysfunction and won’t do anything about it.

Ding ding. That’s the winner! His dick won’t work for me.

Maybe for Lana Rhodes. She could make Jesus rise again. Seriously. I’m in awe of her ass — it’s a force of nature.

6. I’m not attracted to him any longer.

Here’s looking at you, hubby. Mr. Beer Gut. I can’t stand your bulk. Your burps drive me insane.

“Do you want to maybe join a gym?” I suggest. “Try to take care of yourself,” I add. Since you are stroke central at this point, and I’m NOT wiping dribble off your chin when it happens.

“Hell, no.”

“You would feel so much better,” I say.

“I’m perfectly fine.”

Yeah, no, you’re not perfectly fine. I don’t want to have you anywhere near me.

7. I think he’s secretly gay.

God, this would make me so happy in a weird way. It’s not me, after all!

But I don’t think I get the rainbow bridge ending.

8. He cheated, and now it’s my turn.

Ah, revenge is sweet. Forgive and forget?

NO WAY.

You’re out for dick. Level the playing field, so to speak.

“I’m desirable and sexy, and I’m going to prove it.”

9. He’s boring and bad in bed.

I need the Lewis and Clark lover. One who will map out the territory.

Explores every ridge and valley. Not afraid of risk. Respects nature. Has a good head for direction.

Not a hubby who won’t reciprocate oral and lasts a few minutes. He should be left in the wilderness.

10. Dead Bedrooms

Worse than bad sex is NO sex. That’s my boat.

Celibacy sucks.

I didn’t sign up for masturbation 365. I’m not dead yet.

Did the top 10 reasons hammer it home yet?

Guys, if you need to put this on the refrigerator so you can remind yourself before you open another can of beer, by all means, do so.

Why do women cheat?

If you’re not fucking your wife, someone else is.