They All Laughed

Some legend has it that one day — it was actually the middle of the night — most body organs were having a discussion as to which one of them was the most important part. Important how, some of us could ask? To life! But they are all important that way. Very true! But could any one organ, one singular part, or a part of a part, be crowned the king, or queen, of all parts? The optimum organ! The Don of organs!

The brain, of course, wanted to stop the talk before it even started since there was nothing to debate. It was, after all, the greatest of them all. It even used the mouth to make a point.

My name says it all

I’m the brain of everything

you can ever pull.

Not so fast, bookish brain, said the heart. You all know what I am. I spread all that is needed for life. I propel your nutrients through blood. You need me all the time. Even oxygen, life’s gas, takes a ride through my streams. I am the most important part. Even love is my domain. Brain! Let the mouth speak my name!

I’m the heart of all

high spirits of life, never

scorned or forgotten.

You got to have a brain and a heart to work things out, said the liver. Yet, without me you would all quiver. I do almost everything. I do not do the dishes. There are hands for that. I do not walk you around. There are legs for that. The feet just help a little to stand upright like a civilized ape. Will the brain allow the mouth to praise my vigour?

I’m the liver that

always delivers since I’m

just a good giver.

I cannot keep down anything you have said, stated the stomach. No one in their right or left mind can stomach you except for yours truly. All these so-called nutrients pass through me, that is unless they are shot into veins or through the ass.

Did I hear anyone call my name? asked the anus.

No, they all laughed! I was talking about the ass, not you, puny hole, replied the stomach.

Do your worst, brain! Let the mouth tell my tale, pursued the stomach!

Will I stomach them

if I cannot digest their

everlasting death?

We have heard enough, said the kidneys. We always speak together. We are two to any one of you. The brain may have two hemispheres, but each performs a different number. We purify you all except for the liver that purifies its impure self. Thank Evolution! Do I digress? I have made my case. Brain, pretty please! Enable the mouth to banish you all to anonymity!

We kid you not since

as one, we’ve all the fight to

kidney this and that.

There are other couples around, said the lungs. The heart mentioned oxygen. We wonder why. We treat it well enough for the lot of you. We could suddenly let much of it go nowhere necessary and trigger a long enough cough to have all of us quarantined for a sonnet of days. I will stop at a haiku of seconds if the brain opens the mouth.

Two lungs we are at

war with air and wind albeit

oxygen is dear.

A thunderous roar was suddenly heard. I bet you can guess which part opposed all that had been said. The prick, of course, no matter the other names that it likes to oppose. Penis is too academic. Dick has too many undertones. Cock is too noisy especially at dawn when it usually sleeps. A phallus is too Latin from phallos in Greek. Then there is pee-pee, mickey, lunch box, knob, chopper, tool, equipment, dipstick, ding-a-ling, dong, one-eyed trouser snake, shaft, ramrod, root, boner, length, meat, pudding, pego, John Thomas, Johnson, machine, manhood (nicer without the hood), thing, winkle, middle leg, third leg, old man, joystick, pencil, pisser, prong, putz, rig, rod, Roger (Waters), stalk, stiffy, tonk, tube, weapon, yard, willy, horn, how’s your father, peter, plonker, todger, langer, dork, pecker, weenie, wiener, schlong, whang, whanger, intromittent organ, membrum virile, virile member, nerve, person (?), propagator, tarse, verge, pizzle, loom (loon is missing), needle, pillicock, pintle, and runnion. Go ahead, brain! Let the mouth spew all my story!

I rise to every

occasion whether it’s wet

or simply wetted.

I only agree if you are gay, which you are not most of the time, sniggered the pussy.

My favourite, I say. But you knew that already. Sorry! I am just the narrator.

I grow life. You just fuck it, continued the pussy. I was even partnered with gods. Oh, they mistreated me and my kind, but we persevered and are winning the fight. Without me, all of you, especially the prick, will wither and die, for real, not like Mr. Prick (Sir sometimes) that always yearns to die again and again. But then, what could one expect facing the acrobat here before you. I stretch. The prick simply elongates. Some are amazed when I can fit a hand, an arm and a leg, forgetting that a baby can pop out better than a salmon jumping the curve. Sonnets have been written about me; songs and ditties too for the less literate. Cats have it made not because of being felines. Pussy is their real name. I do not even need to speak of my best friend, the cute clitoris. I call her, Clio. Hello, brain! Can you let the mouth open for me? Yes! That is what I said.

I open for red

roses and close for words of

insincerity.

Other lesser parts assessed every single one of their virtues. The pancreas, though little, could be a sleeping giant ache. The bladder was a nuisance when overacting like a strain (or is it drain). The spleen and the gallbladder never spoke. The ears, nose, and throat asked for a specialist to call their shots. Yet a physician is not a part. The mouth had spoken too much, so its importance was sensed as secondary to any one or two parts. The skin enveloped everything like the space-time continuum. And there were many other little and or long parts that did not believe in pride.

I am the greatest. I am the greatest, repeated the anus. You laughed before but I will laugh last.

The entire body wobbled with laughter, declaring, you must be dirty insane.

All dirt comes from you. I only let it out as farts and parts, some of them pouring out and down like flooded rain. I could shut myself to prove the point.

You would not dare, replied the brain, the heart, and the liver. The others just stared without shame.

OK, then! the anus said and declared bankruptcy. The hole is now closed.

It did not take very long for almost everyone to agree that the anus was the best part of all parts, no matter all the shits, hemorrhoids, and warts that it could bring forth with its worth, and whatever the prick left. Only one part refused to admit defeat. You can easily guess that it was the prick. Even the testicles disagreed with its stance on whether the prick was standing or at rest. You better amend your posture fast. No one wants to die from constipation, stressed both testicles. Another couple! So, the prick has its own threesome from the get-go. What a prick!

Brain! clapped the anus.

Yes! replied the brain.

Order the mouth to say what is on my mind! LOL from the start!

Anus they named me

asshole I am whether you

love or adore me.

Of course, they were never happy again, except the anus, no less, that became the talk of the anatomy of the ass. The anus had surpassed all expectations. Think about it for a short while! I will wait…. The anus climbed the ladder near the top being topped only by the pussy. Though, as you may know, in some circles, some squares too, it loses to the anus by an inch (or is it a centimetre).

...

I am sorry if you expected some real sex. You know, where pussy, prick, and ass are seriously involved somehow throughout the tale. Well, I did mention pussy, prick, and anus (ass) quite a lot. I even went all the way to shit. No! I did not tackle piss or any golden spills. But, hell! I have to leave something for your imagination. Respect your parts! Some are irreplaceable, some are unique, and some, just one, is a prick. And if you do not have a prick, you are a goddess.