That Guy..."Don't Be Him..."
An Auntie B's Advice Column
“Come on baby. I know your head hurts but I’ll be quick. Just let me get in there and rub one off. You know I can make you cum.”
“Would it kill you to dress up for me once in awhile? Put on some lipstick and lingerie. I work hard all day, I don’t understand why you can’t make an effort for me.”
“Hey baby, I know we don’t know each other very well, but here is a pic of my dick…wanna come over and help me get rid of this hard on?”
WHAT DO THESE 3 MEN HAVE IN COMMON? WELL FOR STARTERS NONE OF THEM ARE GETTING LAID LATER!
Oh boy….Really? I mean reeeeaaally?!
You all know these men, sadly, some of you may even be these men. They walk around a la Night at the Roxbury style, nodding their heads to the beat of their own music, completely clueless as to why they are not succeeding in their quest.
Soooooo, in order to assist the males out there in Cyberland, your Auntie is taking you to class. Get out your pencils boys. Your gonna want to take some notes.
THE LADY BONE’S CONNECTED TO HER MIND BONE…
So here is the deal. If you want her to respond, you need to turn her on. If we feel that you are looking for a cozy for your cock and not a night connecting with us you might find yourself left shaking in the cold.
If you make her feel denigrated, used, or put on the spot, chances are shes gonna dry up faster than the Sahara during a heat wave.
The woman who is made to feel desired, wanted and sexy is a woman who is far more receptive to being physically connected with you.
Classic “That Guy” lines that did not go over as well as they thought:
Oh yea. Take this big cock. You fucking, dirty bitch. Tell me who rocks your world. I’m gonna ruin you for other men.
Did you cum? Well….. did you?
Oh shit! Baby! That pussy is lined in gold. Damn this feels so good (as his head has been in my shoulder for the past 10 minutes and he’s forgotten there is a person attached to said…well you know…)
I’m gonna cum in your mouth. Open wide….
SO……WHAT DO YOU THINK HAPPENED AFTER THESE LINES WHERE UTTERED IN THE HEAT OF THE MOMENT?
A. Orgasm like a banshee and indeed was ruined for other men?
B. Realize that I have the best vagina in the world and have a plaque made in honor of it?
C. Fake my orgasm, silently giggle, and try my best not to roll my eyes during it all?
IF YOUR ANSWER WAS C THEN DING…DING…DING…YOU GET A GOLD STAR ALONG WITH YOUR COOKIES AND MILK!
Cause here is the thing, only you are a porn star, or she is a porn star, and you are both filming a scene, you have to help a woman get into the “dirty zone”, even then, if your version of dirty is focused only on your experience and your appendage you are probably going to lose on this one.
If you want her freak flag to fly high and proud, give her a reason to unfurl the damn thing!
SAY IT WITH FEELING
So if you have been following along you will see that what you say is just as important as when you say it. Nothing gets a woman wetter faster than a man who makes her feel as sexy and confident as he believes she is. One easy way to set the tone for the evenings fun is to get her going from the beginning of the day. A few key texts sent throughout the working hours can help go a long way towards helping her want to enjoy wicked games in the night.
Take a look at some things that you can send to your lady that help set the tone for the evening ahead. As always, modify them to your language style. I can promise you, if you are consistent with working on her heart and mind, barring any medical conditions that mess with her sex drive, these techniques do get results!
Things you can text or say on the phone to help set a very sexy tone:
- Just thinking of you and looking forward to seeing you tonight.
- I hope you’re having a wonderful day. Can’t wait to wrap my arms around you later.
- Hey baby. Just wanted to tell you how lucky I am. You make me happy and I’m so very glad to have you in my life.
- Do you have any idea how sexy you are?
- Just sitting here at work and you popped into my mind. Wanted to tell you I was thinking of you and I can’t wait to see you tonight.
- Hi honey. Get out that red dress and some heels. My mom is picking up the kids and I want to show you off tonight!
- Tonight is you, me and your favorite bottle of wine. Can’t wait to spend time with you, no phones, just us.
- I love you. You make me smile. Just wanted to you to know.
Did you by chance pick up on the theme of these texts?
See the pattern that is beginning to flow?
Not a single one of these has any thing to do with sex! I know right? While dirty talking is fun and serves a purpose, the key to helping her get there is to first make her feel wanted and loved.
So often men go about this the wrong way. They do not understand that foreplay has nothing to do with your dick. It is about helping her feel your desire for her, helping her understand what that you need her and want her. In doing this, you will be shocked at how receptive she is to wanting to express herself in so many other ways, most which you will be the beneficiary for.
Now fellas, I want you to take this advice to heart. So often I hear from men who say “She’s just not interested in sex”, “She is cold” “She doesn’t want me anymore”. Often it is not that her sex drive is gone, it’s that her head is so full of insecurity and worry that the signals are getting crossed!
By helping her to understand that you value her, cherish her and want her, you will go a long way towards helping her show you through physical expressions of love.
A SUMMARY FOR THE CLIFF NOTES GUYS
- Engage her brain and her heart before you try to engage her thighs.
- Know what kind of language she will respond too. Not all girls want Christian Grey (Well some of us do but not all…)
- Let your actions speak as loudly as your words. If you’re love life is feeling as rusty as the Tin Man from Oz, the little things you do is the oil in the can.
- Intimacy is not always about penetration. If you can make her orgasm without your penis, you are too quote J.J Walker “Dynomite”.
Last but not least, there are many ways to express yourself physically with a partner. If she is not in the mood to have sex, you can still have a very erotically charged, fun night. Creativity isn’t just for art class, fellas, get out them crayolas and draw outside those lines!
There are several more articles coming out on engaging with your woman and helping her feel as special as you believe she is so check back in soon. Make her believe she is worth it cause she is, and she will be much more receptive to showing you that you are too!