That 90s Crime

"You’re not going to victimize me too, are you?” John Bobbitt asked an interviewer. This came on the heels of renewed interest in the 1993 case that made him and his now ex-wife, Lorena Bobbitt, household names. The one where Lorena cut his dick off and both were tried. That case brought the issue of marital rape to the forefront of national conversation. It also made people wonder about his dick and if it worked, or so he thought. This, my friends, was the crime of the decade (OJ who?) and it's time to take a look at it in a more modern way.

By both accounts, Lorena and John Bobbitt did not have a good marriage. He claims that she was a gold-digging hussy, who forced him to work jobs that he detested in order to give her the material things that she craved. Maybe she listened to Madonna's Material Girl a few too many times? John also alleged that Lorena went through his Army pension like bars go through bottles of vodka.

Conversely, Lorena claimed that John was a no good piece of shit. She alleged that he would often beat her and forced her to have sex with him multiple times, also forcing her into having anal. In her allegations, she said that he forced her to steal money from a former employer in order to help them keep the house because his drinking was out of hand. It seemed that the one thing that they both agreed on was that this marriage could have been the inspiration for Britney's "Toxic." As bad as they were for each other, they couldn't quit each other. That was until one fateful night.

John and a buddy had gone out drinking. Even though he and Lorena were separated, they were still living together and sleeping in the same room. The friend was staying in the guest bedroom. What happened next is anyone's guess. John says that he came home drunk and stumbled into the bed with his lovely bride. After a bit of seduction, they had consensual sex and he fell asleep content, only to wake up a few hours later covered in blood with his cock missing.

Lorena, unsurprisingly, sees it differently. In her version of events, John came home drunk (they agree on something!), but the seduction did not happen. Instead, she says that John forced himself inside of her and after grunting until he orgasmed, he fell asleep. It was then that she realized that she was trapped with him and the only course of action that she could take was to chop off the part of his body that she detested the most.

Neither of them could predict what would happen next. Lorena and John Wayne Bobbitt became overnight sensations. This crime took the war of the sexes to a whole new level and started conversations that continue to this day. Lorena chopped that dick off and ran out of the house with it in her hand. No one is quite sure why she ran with it, maybe she was going to make a model dildo? At that point, there was no saving that marriage. How do you come back from castration?

John was rushed to the hospital and his penis was reattached. He tells a story that he called his mother after he got a boner after it was sewn back onto his body. Because that's the first person that guys want to talk about erect penises with. “I called my mom from the hospital. My mom answered, and I said, ‘Mom, I can’t believe it! I got an erection.'" What a heartwarming family moment that must have been.

Lorena was found and arrested for the mutilation. John made his way through the media circuits. No one wanted to hear about what Lorena had been through, everyone wanted to know if the dick worked and what his orgasms felt like after the surgery. In fact, the story caught the attention of porn legend Ron Jeremy who also approached John about appearing in a porn with him.

Before he could though, John and Lorena had twin trials. John was tried for marital sexual assault, and Lorena was charged with malicious wounding. Both were acquitted of all their charges. That's right, neither one of them faced jail time for the alleged abuses that were perpetrated against the other. In this battle of the sexes, it ended up being a draw.

After she walked away from the marriage and potential jail time, Lorena found a new husband and settled down. She now lives the middle-class life that she always dreamed of. Her husband should probably sleep with one eye open though, who knows what she will do if she gets mad at him one night. Maybe they joke about it?

John did not follow that same path. He starred in two porn movies: Uncut and Frankenpenis. The latter happened after he decided that his penis was not perfect, he wanted it longer and thicker. Since he was already notorious and had money rolling in from the former porn movie, he had a surgery done. It is something that he says he regrets doing. Frankenpenis is not easily found online like Uncut is. As for why he went this route, John says he needed to show the world that he was still a fully functioning man. "A porno seemed like the best way to show my penis worked." Even in the face of everything, his macho pride needed to be proven that he could still squirt out cum and make babies.

After his porn career didn't go anywhere, he was offered jobs, but none of them lasted long. Though they did last longer than any of his subsequent marriages. Of four ex-wives, including Lorena, all four have accused him of beating and raping them. He has been acquitted of all charges. Yet, when there is smoke, there is fire. Of course, that is not how John sees it. Nope, he's the victim here. “I didn’t batter Lorena. And those women after Lorena—the ones who were using me, my name, as a stepping stone—I didn’t batter them, either. I’m a Marine. I’m trained to protect people, not hurt them.” Aren't Marines taught to fight and kill? Seems to be a very lackluster defense here.

So long after they became media sensations together, John tried to friend Lorena on Facebook. The request was declined and his former wife blocked him. She's happy in her new life, even as he continues to spiral into a pit of despair. With the 25th anniversary having passed, it has became clear that these two will always be tied together. Lorena leaves us with these words:

"I never meant to hurt anybody, I never hurt anybody before. It just happened."

That's so 90s.