Stella Artois

When I turned 18 not only could I buy cigarettes and rent a car, I could finally have sex with older men, legally. Back then we didn’t have such genius apps like Grindr or Scruff where ordering a man was similar to ordering food, “add spice, no fat, double meat”. We had the next best trashiest thing, Craigslist. For those who know you’re probably wondering how the fuck did a 18 year old boy know about the personal adds on Craigslist?

At the age of 14 I worked at “Bay Area Young Positives” a center which supported HIV positive youth and adults with resources like food, shelter, medication, or just a place to hang and feel safe. While other kids after school were busy smoking weed, studying, or some other type of activity. I was busy listening to one of our clients Rox, talk about the boy on the bus she had fingered that day. She would then go into further detail about how one of them looked just like a dude she “Topped” from “Craigslist”, hence why she put her finger in his pants in the first place. I asked Rox what “Craigslist” and “Topping” was. She popped up from the couch and walked over to my computer to say, “Let me show you, baby”. Our manager at the time shouted “GIRL, he is way too young for that”. “He’s gunna find out one way or another!” she answered. Rox pulled up a chair next to my desk and logged onto Craigslist.org. “On Craigslist you can buy furniture, find apartments, or even a job! And if you click right here, you can get dick too.”

She pointed to the Men seeking Men tab, and I clicked it. . There they are, real time ads of men looking to meet up and get off. A lot of them seemed like all they wanted to do was just party! I really loved partying! Also there were a lot of “Subs”, I thought, is it some sort of weird fetish I don’t know about… Playing with sandwiches? I was very confused.

During my year internship at BAYP I stored information in my brain, upon other queer vernacular and culture, not knowing when It would be useful. When I turned 18, after a terrible breakup, It all came rushing back to me as I was wanting to get on with my life. I logged onto Craigslist.org, hit the forbidden tab (M4M) and there he was at the top.

28 y/o Muscle Asian Top, looking for White Sub Twink. - m4m (Sunset)

I clicked the link, nervously sent my photo and my stats and favorite sandwich, hoping for a reply. This man replied within the hour telling me he can pick me up from my house to bring me to his and that I can sleep over if I want. Another hour passes, I get a call on my cell. He’s here.

“Bye Dad, I’m sleeping at Kelli’s House!” I yell from the door.

As soon as my front door made the clicking sound of being shut, I got a feeling I’ve never experienced before. My entire body starts shaking from the inside out. I was scared. I gripped onto the railing as I slowly made my way down the stairs thinking, Here I am about to trust a perfect stranger to take me to his house then maybe have sex with, and all the while hopefully not get killed and my bones thrown into a lake? I try to muster up some courage and eventually reach the bottom of the stairs to approach his car. My teeth were chattering like I was freezing cold.

I got in the car. He greeted me with a kiss on the cheek. I examined him. He's handsome, definitely older than 28, wearing a windbreaker and a SF Giants cap. “Are you cold?” He asked. “I am” I replied. He blasted the heat. “So, want to get pizza & beers?” I look at him with big hopeful eyes. “YES” I spat. “I’m Brian by the way” he kindly remarks. “I’m Kyle” I reply smiling, teeth still chattering. “Cool, let’s have some fun Kyle,” he said. My shakes all the sudden had dissipated, I relaxed. He made me feel safe all within 30 seconds, and we drove off.

We got a large clam and garlic pizza from Gaspares which is my favorite pizza spot in San Francisco, and a 6 pack of Stella Artois from Safeway on La Playa on the way to his house in the Sunset District. In that time I learn that Brian is a Cop, I tell him that I’m in school and I’m only 18. He asks to see my ID, I show him, He smiled. 

We finally arrived at his apartment in the Sunset. He lived on the top floor and his view faces the ocean. It was a pretty large 1 bedroom apartment, and maturely decorated. Black leather furniture, modern wooden dinner table, art on the walls, very clean. I think to myself, “OK obviously is put together, so maybe I won’t die”.

We sat on the cold black leather couch. I reached for the pizza as Brian put on some music for background noise. He offers me a beer and says “Don’t worry I won’t arrest you… yet!” I laughed nervously, took the beer and clanked cheers with him. As the night progresses so does my lack of consciousness. But I felt safer and safer with him, “He’s so charming and witty.” I thought, Maybe dating older men is better for me since the younger ones are underdeveloped and crazy, and I truly need a mentor. After an hour or two he asked if I wanted to go to the bedroom. I nodded. He then told me to go to his bedroom, strip down, get on my knees and ass facing up.

I look at him perplexed as he cracks another beer open. “Ok” I got up, and headed to his bedroom. I felt him watch my every move.

I entered his room, It’s dark, black sheets on his bed. I get naked and put all my clothes in a corner. I climbed onto the bed with my “ass up” as he requested (I’ve never done this before) and laid there with my face facing the wall.

Brian enters the room. I don’t hear him unbuckle his belt or anything.

Then his cold finger touches my perked hole. I clench. It goes away, then comes back wet and he slides his finger into me. “Is this ok?” He asks. I reply, “Yeah it feels good!” This guy is really nice, he’s like taking care of me in all ways possible! Then after a few minutes his finger leaves. All the sudden I feel something harder and much colder touch my hole. It kinda feels like a penis but it’s not, it’s harder, like glass? Brian had shoved a full Stella Artois in my butt. “Just relax, I’m going to take care of you” He says as he caresses my back. I try to relax into it, but I can’t help but to think what I look like in doggy style with a BEER BOTTLE UP MY ASS. I look back finally. Brian is completely naked, his body is hard as a rock, and so is his cock, which was very large. My butt took the last sip and then he pulled it out.

Brian climbs on top of the bed and puts his cock in me. Now he’s actually fucking me. Beer isn’t coming out at all. All I can remember is truly having the best sex I’ve experienced in my life yet. It was wild. And he made me cum hands free. I realize when he pulls out that he came inside of me too. He looks at me “OK you're all filled up, you should probably go to the bathroom now” I laugh nervously, hop over to the bathroom and shut the door.

It’s lit by a candle and I can see myself in the mirror in front of me as I sit on the toilet. “What did I just do”, I think to myself. For a second my intuition tells me to leave, to go home, protect myself, comfort myself. And then like a lightning bolt comes crashing down on that idea. I say to myself, “No, this is good, I deserve good sex like this.” But then again I think.. “This guy just came inside of me, without a condom. I’ve never had sex without a condom, even with my Ex. I might get HIV! Holy shit Kyle! You’re an idiot! What the fuck!?”.

I’m partially losing it in the bathroom for a few moments, and Brian calls out. “All good?!” to which I reply “Totes!”

I think again. “Ok, alcohol kills bacteria, like maybe the beer can kill HIV, maybe that’s why he dumped a beer in my ass, so that he could fuck me without a condom!?” I start to fart out the beer and cum.

The self talk continues. “Well don’t let him know your nervous, this was the best sex, you want this again, play it cool!”

I clean up and leave the bathroom. He lit a candle in his bedroom and is now playing a song I’ve never heard before. It was called “By your side” by Sade. He signals me to come lay next to him. I climbed into his embrace. At this moment I felt that safety again, at this young age I didn’t know the difference of being preyed upon, or truly loved. So I just went with it.

“Kyle by the way, I’m HIV negative and clear of all STI’s. I just checked this past week”. Brian says.

“Oh yeah!? Me too, I got checked a month ago. I say. I now feel calmer. He turns me around, and I pass out.

The next morning I woke up. Brian has some coffee ready for me. He’s was up for 4 hours already.

I apologized for sleeping in, and he sad not to worry, that it was cute. And while I was sleeping he thought of something and kind of went ahead and planned it.

I ask him what that is?

“I wanna take you to Joshua Tree, lets go camping this weekend”

I laugh, “Wait seriously?!, We just met and now we’re gonna take a trip together”

He says, “Yeah! I mean you had fun last night didn’t you, and didn’t you feel a connection? Let’s do this while it still feels good”

My intuition speaks to me again. Don’t go Kyle. You don’t know this man. Then again a lightning bolt strikes me down. “Ok, fuck it, lets go, I’ve never been!”

We finish our coffee and then Brian drives me home.

I told my parents that this weekend there is a last minute dance competition in SoCal and my dance team got asked to compete in it. Both of them were hesitant to say yes. But they miraculously do.

The next day, Brian meets me down the street in a rented red Prius. I didn’t ask questions as to why he rented this car, I just went with it. So, Halfway through the drive I was adjusting myself to give him road head, and once he came, launched myself back into my chair, wiping cum from my face. I go to the glove box for a tissue maybe, and a gun is revealed. “Don’t worry, it’s my off duty weapon”.

Kyle, What did you get yourself into?