Filthy logo

Soul Lifter: Polyamorous Hero

The Valiancy of One Man's Love and Humanity

By LP SteinbeckPublished 5 years ago 7 min read
Like

In the beginning, I knew him only as Suman, from an insomnia group online, living 5000 miles away in the UK, and I was ignorant to the nuances of polyamorous relationships. He was handsome, intelligent, and funny from the first group message and pictures shared all around. Of course, he would be taken, the love of another, and I hadn't bothered for details. My understanding of polyamory was only in its definition, in black and white.

"The practice, state or ability of having more than one sexual loving relationship at the same time, with the full knowledge and consent of all partners involved."

It really hadn't reached my heart, however, that I could be with and love a man already having other women which he loved. My only experience with love had been my monogamous marriage, and it had been happy and satisfying. The sudden death of my husband the year prior had left me certain I would never again invest myself completely in one person. It was too devastating if you lost the person that was your world.

The polyamorous way of life I was only exploring online was supportive, fascinating, and surprisingly, just seemed like regular people, only with fewer hang-ups. My original romantic interest in the UK faded out and found another, yet the handsome friend Suman had consistently remained in touch. He had casually shared pictures from vacations, and happy poses with a partner, sometimes nudes.

He sent a prepared statement explaining birth defects he had as a result of VACTERL association, including imperforate anus, absent kidney, conjoined fingers, and cervical rib. Treatment and surgeries had been central to his beginning years, then continued to be a theme he handled on his own for decades. Suman bluntly told about the painful break-up of his marriage, loss of his business, and subsequent care for depression. It was only then, after decades of thinking the best had been done to aid him, that a nurse took notice, and he eventually had a method that put more control in his hands for self-care and comfort. I never heard self-pity in his telling, but he wanted me to know him.

His openness drew me, and I found him to be beautiful, intriguing, though unconvinced it would ever be more than online banter.

Let's be honest, no matter how much communication you have online, it lacks realism, and there is a part of me that wonders, 'Is this person real?' and, 'Will we ever meet?'

It all changed one day when he told me he would be visiting less than two hours from where I lived, and would I care to join him in his suite for that week? He let me know he would cover my expenses, not to be concerned with that.

(Really?! Me?)

It was exciting; HE was exciting; the stranger that wasn't a stranger.

I knew what worried me was not being good enough. Would he tire of my imperfections, and get tired of hearing mention of my late husband, too? I didn't want to be a disappointment to someone I sincerely liked, and he was traveling such a distance. Last but not least, what about... sex? It was a suite with one bed, but if he didn't desire me upon meeting, I simply planned to drive the two hours and return home.

The more I learned about this man, my thoughts were eased, because it was clear he had a compassionate nature and empathy for those that had medical issues of their own. He knew about heartbreak, and depression, and didn't hide from it, as many will. His girlfriends each had ongoing, often chronic health issues, though I was to learn first-hand he sought the woman within, giving depth to his relationships that doesn't exist in those based solely on sexuality. He amplified the beauty we have inside, and are afraid to show, as it is readily ignored when your body didn't make the grade for those whose affections are rooted in the visual.

Suman suggested we meet at the hotel, since they had a shuttle to transport him from the airport. Anxiety grew as I got close to the city, even though I was 99 percent sure everything would be fine. I hoped. I knew he would be weary from his travel, so maybe just a low key meeting, and then...

Then what, exactly? I was nervous, and it was mostly because I wanted to feel as positive in person as it was now.

I was trying to get parked at the hotel when I saw and heard him, and as soon as I was free of the cage of my car, suddenly everything was alright. His smile helped my dread disappear, and as soon as we were in the suite, he offered his open arms. We kissed, and I do adore kissing, and even with the travel, and the fact he had just spent a week with one of his girlfriends, there was a mutual desire.

'Don't cry,' I told myself, 'Do Not.'

Suman said my name. He said it and made me feel what was true, that for the next week, we were for one another and no one else, and it was alright to be happy. He insisted on a shower before bed, but the look in his eyes, and his caress made the minutes it took seem like hours. I busied myself setting up my Cpap machine for use when I sleep.

The arousal of my body, and my hungry arms tempted me to go into the bathroom. I was ready to do so when the water stopped, and soon he was out, nude, and that place between dry and damp, skin moist, mouth moist, and me moist, as well. I shed my clothes to feel him flesh to flesh, hugging, kissing, moving to the surface of the bed like a dream, hands meeting their new home for the week ahead.

The main thing I want to share about my time of intimacy with Suman, was that he somehow must have known that repressed tension was inside of me. He had no barriers, and he never said 'No' when all I wanted was to touch him again. He just allowed me to know him, explore him, be held, and there was no derision for what I sought to try.

Though my experience was profound, he knew I hadn't crossed the boundary and 'let go' sexually. One afternoon, he persevered in loving me until I reached a climax that melted my last ounce of stress, and held me as I cried afterward. He just loved me unselfishly.

Our week was also filled with humor, and the standards of vacation such as hot tub, swimming, eating, taking pictures. Suman found out my best friend lived in that same city, and I had yet to meet him. He knew how vital my friendship had been and continues to be, and he insisted that we meet up right away.

Suman and I were mistaken for newlyweds at a show by a Frank Sinatra impersonator. The lady chatted with us, and Suman shared his polyamorous lifestyle with her, and that he has X number of girlfriends.

She took it well, though as he and I walked back to our suite, I questioned about the number of partners, because there was one more of which I was not aware.

"Why, it's you, Laura darling, if you would only have me. You don't have to say anything now, just please give it some thought. I love you, Laura."His voice, his gentle-yet-crisp British accent... I squeezed him close, and we made our way slowly down the hall, together.

"I love you, too, Suman."

The Real Us... Epilogue

Suman and Laura during their inaugural visit.

In the weeks following our first time together, Suman surprised me with tickets to my first concert, VIP seating to enjoy Lindsey Buckingham! He returned for another visit and the concert only two months after our first meeting. Our relationship continues, and he visits again soon.

relationships
Like

About the Creator

Reader insights

Be the first to share your insights about this piece.

How does it work?

Add your insights

Comments

There are no comments for this story

Be the first to respond and start the conversation.

Sign in to comment

    Find us on social media

    Miscellaneous links

    • Explore
    • Contact
    • Privacy Policy
    • Terms of Use
    • Support

    © 2024 Creatd, Inc. All Rights Reserved.