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Snapchat

When pictures aren't deleted

By Tara HorvathPublished 3 years ago 2 min read
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Snapchat, the world of disappearing texts and pictures or so it was made to believe. At the ripe age of 29 there is something about that, which intrigued me. I'm single and have months where I am hyper sexual and typically masturbating at least three times a day solves that problem. I thought this would be a great way to get out that frustration. I download the app for the first time after already downloading tinder where I just simply had to list my Snapchat name and the requests would flood in. I think most people knew what you were wanting when you listed your Snapchat name.

The first user I linked up with we chatted for a couple of days through messages, nothing sexual of the sort. Then out of nowhere the conversations turned sexual and I found myself sending nudes to some strange person I had never met. It was thrilling. It was a rush. We would continue to sext and exchange pictures until I was bored and then would move on to the next. You would think after the fourth guy I would be completely over this idea, but I wasn't. I never thought sexting could be such a turn on, but listening and reading something that someone desires to do to you gave me an incredible high.

My desire to be pleased had been met with these random strangers, seeking the same thing I was. Human connection without the connection with a strong desire to be seen and get off sexually. At one point I had five different individuals I would exchange pictures with throughout the day, until it happened. Until one day when I sent a picture and I was notified there was a screen shot taken. My mind was blown, because I didn't even know the app had that ability to do that. Part of me was flattered though, someone desired my naked body that much that they wanted to save it. Or, send it to other people.

Shortly after I deleted the app, I convinced myself that it was toxic and it was unhealthy the way I was desiring the sexual connection. Six months later I re-downloaded the app alongside multiple dating apps, longing for the same sexual high I had received the first time I had used it. This time it escalated into video chats at work paired with the exchange of explicit content. Once I have my fix after about three months of this I delete the app and continue on with my normal life. Do you dare send nude pictures to random strangers in exchange for a moment of euphoric feeling? Knowing that there is a chance they land in the wrong hands, or they don't just let the picture disappear.

Here I am now, the age of 31 caught in this cycle of daring with the unknown. Matching with strangers on dating sites and both of us engaging in these manners through this online world. Both of us knowing that we are wanting the same things. That moment of knowing that you are desired by someone you know nothing about. The moment you let your guard down entirely to feed into deeper desires. I don’t know if there will ever be a day that I am too afraid to maneuver out of this world, the unknown of what may happen if that picture isn’t deleted.

fetishes
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About the Creator

Tara Horvath

My name is Tara, I am 31 and a mom to an awesome 9 year old. Currently in recovery from alcoholism and recently diagnosed bi-polar. I have found writing to be very therapeutic.

IG: Tara.nicole.89

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