"100, 99, 98,97......ugh it's never going to work" I whine to the night air. Whoever had said that counting sheep would put you to sleep clearly had a very sheltered existence. 2am. Awesome. I have to be awake in exactly 3 hours for work. Another day of shoving coffee down my throat and praying the exhaustion waits till I get home. Wouldnt it be nice to just sit down and fall right to sleep like normal people do. Insomnia had become part of my life whether I liked it or not. I haven't had a good night's sleep since he left. Oh no, don't go there. Don't think about him and don't let the name slip out of your mouth. As if by command my lips whispered "Erik". Annoyed with myself I roll my eyes and curse. There has got to be something wrong with me. "Get it together Tina" I think to myself as I roll into a sitting position. 25 push-ups should help me get tired. Ironically these late night work out sessions were doing great things for my body. The muscles in my legs have become more defined and my pants and bras are loose. I already had long curves, working out had deepened them. Accented the true roundness of my hips and bottom. It made me feel more confident and sexier. Still I could care less.
You would think I should be on top of the world. I just received a promotion to Lead Manager of Sales for my company. Youngest at the firm. Everything in life was going how it should be and yet here I am doing jumping jacks at 2:30am. It had been exactly 2 months since the unnamable man had left my life. Taking my ability to sleep with him. 5 years is a long time next to someone. Learning their breathing patterns and the way they mumble. Feeling close skin to skin with another human body, one that wraps into yours as if it was made for you. He was twice my size and always in tune with my need for physical touch. We had a raw sort of energy between us. Primal at times. I laugh as I think of my friends stories of how they cant sleep too close to thier men because they get too hot or just want more of the bed. Not us, we were like two beautiful snakes, entangled and forever shifting but never letting go of the other. We moved in unison, our bodies always speaking the same language of desire not just sexually but intimately. Since he had left my body had betrayed me. My skin felt a loss that just never seems to go away. Every night the same scene replays. Sleep never comes and when it does my dreams are haunted by him.
3am. This is like pure torture. I touch my phone and there he is. I should have changed my screen saver by now. We haven't spoken in months and for some reason i just can't seem to let go of this photo. I bet he is having an amazing life. I bet he has everything he ever wanted. I bet he has a new girl as his screen saver! My eyes water up. Another night of lonely crying....great.
Thump Thump Thump.....
Who the hell is knocking at 3 am. I look thru the peep hole to a sight that makes my stomach drop to my knees. On the other side of the door was Erik and he looked angry.
"Ummmm what on earth are you doing here?" I stammer as he walks thru the opened door. "Are you serious? I have been calling for over an hour! First of all, you called me! Second of all why would you call and then leave me to listen to your grunting. I get it you hate me but thats low even for you!" Erik looked like he was about to cry or punch the wall. I wasn't sure which one. His eyes kept bolting around the room, looking for the justification he needed for his thoughts. "Erik, I didn't call you" I was telling the truth. I step past him and pull up my phone. As soon as I unlock the screen, I see what happened. I am selling Alexa first thing tomorrow morning. Sure enough 25 missed calls stared at me. Peering over my shoulder Erik boasts "oh yea too busy to answer your phone huh". Suddenly it dawns on me what he thinks happened. "Erik I wasn't ignoring you. My phone is on silent, and I don't get notifications on my lock screen." I tried to explain. "Do I look stupid to you. Who is he? is he under your bed now?" Erik started looking around the room, like a blood hound on the hunt. "You don't make those kinds of noises for no reason Tina."
"Jumping Jacks" I whisper. "WHO THE HELL IS JACK?" Erick screams, sounding like a little girly if you ask me. "No dumbass! Jumping Jacks. I was doing Jumping Jacks. I said your name and it looks like Alexa called you. I was exercising to help me sleep" I was mortified but held my dignity intact as best I could. "Really.....thats what you want me to believe. So then why did you say my name?" Erik looked completely confused. "Believe it or not, it's the truth. I dont need to explain anything to you." I was already annoyed with his presence. All of a sudden it hits me like a ton of bricks. I am standing alone with the man of my every desire. Nothing but a sheer night gown covering me. Erick noticed too. "So those are your new workout clothes then?" He smirks knowing the comment would make me blush. "what do you care? Clearly you thought I was with another guy" I smile knowing he really thought he was going to catch me with someone. He always let his darkest fears control his rational thought. "Yea you got me. I couldn't take it. the thought of another man's hands on you makes me want to commit murder" The look on his face led me to believe I shouldn't test that theory.
I had known Erik most of my life. The joys of growing up in a small town. He was the kid that parents couldn't stand. The boy that had no rules and no family. The wanderer. Truth be told Erik did have a mother. She only came around long enough to remind him that she wouldn't stay. Enough so that CPS didn't intervene. He grew up depending on himself. He had a good heart but zero conscious. He intimidated most people he came in contact with. I was never scared of him. Then again, I wasn't scared of most people. My life had been one of survival, men like Erik didn't intimidate me at all. I had been dealing with egotistical men most of my life. Working in sales is like walking a path strictly owned by men. Everyday I'm fighting a system designed for the almighty penis. Erik was no different. A man driven by his ego. Its exactly why things didnt work with us. He was down on himself most of the time and the only person he had around to catch blame was me. Not that I was innocent, lord knows I have my downfalls and faults. Erik was his own worst enemy most of the time. Always aiming to hit the sun. His ambitions were amazing and his direction was great. He just couldnt figure out how to take small steps toward the bigger picture. Always chasing immediate satisfaction which ended in disastor everytime. I could have handled it if he respected my stability. I always was there to clean up the mess or provide security or help. Yet somehow, I always caught the blame. I couldn't do it anymore so i made him leave. I didn't expect him to ghost me for two months. At the same time, I hadn't reached out to him either. Kept myself as busy as possible just so that I didn't even think of his name. Yet here I am standing in front of him with nothing but lace between his eyes and my naked body.
Erik slowly walks toward me as I feel goosebumps form all over my body. I can smell him. Sweet musk and eucalyptus, he had used the same body wash since we got together. "Do you miss me?" he says quietly. He sounds unsure and ready for rejection. "I miss you every day, doesn't change why we broke up" I didn't say this to be cruel. I said it because it was actual fact. "Yes, I know. I am an asshole, and you couldn't take my bullshit anymore. Youve made your position clear. That isn't what I asked you though, do you miss me? here and now." He had begun slowly walking around me. A wolf stalking its prey. His eyes brushed over me like a cold winter wind causing me to breathe deeply. "You shouldn't be here" I can barely get the words out. My voice is shaking from fighting the desire I feel deep within my soul. "I am here Tina, right in front of you. Do you really loathe me so much that my presence does nothing." Erik looked almost betrayed and desperate. "I love you Tina, I've always loved only you. There has been no one else and there never will be." His words were genuine, and they broke me. Before I could think I flung myself into his arms. Lips grasping at lips, hands looking for the sweet satisfaction of skin. He didnt even flinch. he grabbed me by the thighs and lifted me onto his strong muscular body. My legs wrapped around him, perfectly crossing my ankles to his back. "Yes, I fucking miss you" I whisper between gasping for breath. His hands were under the lace of my gown in seconds. They were rough from years of working with wood and metal. I could feel him taking in every small curve on my body. Exploring the way my muscles tightened and loosened depending on where he sunk in his teeth. "God you're in amazing shape" he said between mouth fulls of my shoulder.
Tightening my legs to keep a grip, I grabbed his shirt and pulled it over his head. The sight of his open back makes me moan with delight. He was tattooed from neck to hip. Elegant Asian scripture with dragons detailed down to the scale danced along his spine. His mastery of Jeet Kune Do has been a huge part of his life turn around. The deadly martial art had helped him to overcome his inner fears and had led him to peace within. He had found it just before we broke up. I always felt foolish for not holding on til he was able to reach his best self. Everyone has a limit and I felt i had reached mine. Now that I had him back in my arms, I couldn't help but wonder if I had been premature in ending things. He had many old morals tattooed on his skin as a way of showing his commitment. His tan skin glistened against the red streaks that my nails were leaving. Peaking out from his belt I could see the tattoo that I had personally drawn for his 21st birthday. A golden serpent with emerald green eyes. I had the same one on the opposite hip, a symbol of our commitment and love.
Without a word, we fumble toward the bed. He gently drops me down on my back, opening him to my full view. Wow this man was gorgeous. Wide shoulders, thick chest, chiseled and yet soft. His pants hung low on his hips, I could tell he wasnt wearing any boxers as his manhood made itself extremly present. He was hard and throbbing, I could see this was going to be a very fulfilling morning.