Sex and Connection

Causal sex always seems a bit empty to your soul, never as fulfilling as a committed relationship. You're exchanging energy with an individual you have no idea what's going on in their life. Are they angry, upset, happy, content, lost, the list goes on. Sex is healing, when you're doing it for the right reason. Over my 32 years of life, I've come from a culture that focused on men's needs being met. I've always been adamant about my needs being met but always found that I could satisfy myself. Sex is a two way street, you should be doing this with an individual that also satisfies you, listens to you, values you, regardless of your gender. Both parties should be satisfied in the act, not just one.

I was in a couple of relationships that I experienced different scenarios with each one.

Manipulator:

Early on, I didn't have any experience within my sexual life. He would tell me this is what you like and this is what you don't like. I'd be pretty adamant that I actually didn't like head a certain way, or that specific position. He'd say just try it. It was harmless in the beginning, but yet that continued into transform into destroying my integrity. I was never ok with porn, I thought it was disrespectful to women. To each their own. I started watching porn, talking dirty ( calling myself a slut, etc). This was not me and that really destroyed me. I didn't think not listening to what I wanted would hurt that much. When I realized that because I was doing the things he liked and he was not satisfying me in the same way, this absorbed my energy and hurt me in the long run.

Lesson learned. Stay true to yourself, if you don't like certain things and your partner continues to force that on you, then you guys are not sexually compatible.

I came too early:

Unless the man has erectile disfunction, most men can control when they c*m. Communication is key for this issue. I've told him to wait and they've been able to control when they've c*m. Either a different position helps them restart or just slowing it down. If they actually care about you emotionally and care about your needs, they will communicate what they need you to do to be satisfied.

I've had this happen to me where there wasn't an emotional connection and the sex was heart breaking. Always a fight about me not being satisfied and how he couldn't control himself, that later turned into him controlling himself and caring about my wants and needs as the relationship grew.

Lesson learned: Always know what you want in sex. Don't take no for an answer if satisfying your needs. If the partner cares about you, you will be satisfied.

Being sexually compatible:

I've been with someone where the sex was absolutely phenomenal. The connection between us was incredible which didn't start immediately. In the beginning he would c*m before I did. Once I told him that I wasn't satisfied this was corrected immediately. He cared about my feelings and emotions and wanted to see me enjoy my time. We enjoyed the same positions, we both read what the other person wanted. We would have sex all day.

Lesson learned: Being in a committed relationship with the same goals is definitely more fulfilling then anything else. Being open and honest allows you to be vulnerable and build trust to enhance the relationship and overall the intimacy that comes along with it.