Scoundrel's Rules

1. Never let morality stand in the way of a good time.

There is no sin in pleasure if everyone is enjoying it, and nobody is hurt, so have a good time, enjoy your life, and forget about the taboos and scruples standing in your way. A day without sex is a day without sunshine...

2. Discretion is more important than morality.

Do not worry about what you do, so long as no one knows about it. Learn to keep your mouth shut, someone who can keep a secret will always be more trusted than someone who cannot. A woman is more likely to cheat on her man with you if she knows he will never find out!

3. Any woman worth having is worth stealing from her boyfriend.

Seriously, women of value do not stay single for long, so most of the time you have no choice but to pursue them while they are dating someone else. If you restrict yourself to women who are single, you will deprive yourself of most of the women you actually want.

4. Some women are more married than others.

It is not your job to protect another man’s marriage. If a woman is willing to step out on her husband, that is no skin off of your teeth, go ahead and enjoy her company. If you didn’t break the home, you don’t need to fix it.

5. If a woman throws herself at you, catch her.

Never miss an opportunity when it presents itself, you can worry about the consequences later. Hesitation has no rewards, just do her!

6. It is better to ask for forgiveness than permission.

If they never know, what harm is there? Do not deprive yourself of an opportunity, you do not want to regret what you did not even get to do...

7. Lying is dangerous.

The problem with lies is you have to remember them, and once you have been caught in a lie you will never be trusted again. If you have to lie, write that shit down somewhere no one else can find it, keep track, do not get tripped up!

8. Telling the truth is dangerous.

People who tell you they want you to be honest never actually like hearing the truth. It is better to say nothing or change the subject.

9. Rules aren’t meant to be broken (they’re meant to be twisted and perverted to serve our own deviant desires).

Breaking rules can get you in trouble, but bending them keeps you on the right side of the law while still letting you do what you want. Game every system to your own advantage.

10.Always have an escape plan.

Seriously, wherever you go, be prepared to flee if a jealous ex or other hazard appears. A little paranoia goes a long way...

11. Never have sex above the ground floor of a house.

See Rule #10 above. If you need to beat a hasty retreat out a window, make sure you can survive the fall.

12. Never date a woman whose husband owns a gun.

DUH! Seriously, if you know he is an angry redneck, a cop, or you just see a rifle mounted on a wall of her house, just run for your life and do not stop to look back...

13. When it is time to jump, close your eyes and do it.

Indecision can get you killed or at least make you miss opportunities. Do not overanalyze, make a decision and stick to it.

14. Stupidity should be painful.

Stupid people do not learn unless forced, and people need to be punished for bad decisions. Remove all the warning labels and let evolution happen. If you are a meathead, you deserve to suffer for it.

15. Anything worth doing is worth doing for money.

No, I am not going to give you a free sample you have done nothing for just because you are nice. I busted my ass to become good at this, you need to pay me.

16. Perversion is in the groin of the beholder.

Seriously, the only real perversion is abstinence, people like to fuck and everyone does it differently. What people call perversion is just something that turns someone else on but not them.

17. If you are going to be bad, be good at it.

If you are going to steal, make sure you do not get caught. If you cheat on a woman, DO NOT GET CAUGHT! If you cheat with a woman, make sure she enjoys it too much to feel guilty about it. Seriously, if you are not deft and swift, do not break the rules.

18. Do not be afraid to show off.

Go ahead and be a peacock, let people see you at your best, never be afraid to promote yourself. If you are not for you, no one else will be, either.

19. All men are dogs, some are housebroken.

The difference between a gentleman and the common scoundrel is just that a gentleman knows how and when to stop being a scoundrel. Sometimes you have to be “nice” and play by the rules. If you cannot do that, you have issues…

20. Always reward the people you use.

No one likes to be manipulated, but people can learn to tolerate it if they are treated well afterwards. Thanking someone you have used makes it easier to use them again in the future.

21. Good gossip is like gold, mine for it often.

Keep your ears open for opportunities, plots against your interests, and chances to get dirt on others, as well as your own amusement. But remember, gold is not cheap, do not give it away, keep it to yourself until you need to use it.

22. No means “no” (until it doesn’t).

Under no circumstances should you ever force yourself on a woman, consent matters. But that does not mean give up on the chase. Pay attention to what your target really wants. A “no” can mean a lot of things: “Not tonight”, “buy me another drink”, “pay my rent”, “impress me”, “take me shopping”, “kill my boyfriend”, “stop wearing that awful cologne”, or “work on your game”. When a woman says no, stop whatever you are doing, back off, and approach in a different way, preferably on another day. If it fails three times in a row, give up, you have better things to do with your time, don’t be needy.

23. Never breakup a cat-fight.

Why would you? Sit back and enjoy the show. Make some popcorn. Sell tickets. Make sure you have a camera ready in case someone’s clothes get torn off.

24. You do not have to be rich to date a gold-digger (you just have to make her think you are).

The key is to make her think you are rich long enough to get into bed with her. After that, who cares? Dress tastefully, have style and panache, talk about issues and events that would fit the lifestyle you are faking. Never complain about a lack of money or how much something costs. Seal the deal as fast as you can.

25. Always be yourself (unless you are incognito).

See Rule #24 above. Be true to yourself, do not deny who you are or what you want. But if you need to pretend you are someone else, commit fully to the part and do not let anyone see you crack.