Red Flags

When you are first starting to talk to people, it may be hard to know who to believe, trust, and listen to.

Sadly there are a lot of men and women out their who will use your lack of knowledge against you. So here are some tips on Red Flags to looks out for. A little vocab for you, D-types are people who will fill a Dominant role and S-types are people who will fill a submissive role.

1. Demanding to be called Sir, Master, or other titles that may signify ownership over you. (These are titles to be earned. If you wish to be respectful you may ask another name they prefer or address them with sir. Notice it is not capitalized.)

2. Immediately starting to refer to you by pet names or titles, especially if you have already told them how you wish to be addressed (i.e. kitten, baby, babygirl, Master, Sir, Mistress). This is disrespectful as oftentimes it is their way of trying to impose themselves on you.

3. Immediately starting to degrade you without your consent or knowing if it even interests you(i.e. "Hey slut," "how are you today little fuck toy," etc.). This can not only be highly disrespectful, but can be triggering to some people who have had such words used towards them in abusive and non-consensual situations.

4. Immediately jumping the conversation to sex or sexual topics, especially when they were not the start to the conversation. BDSM is not about sex. While, yes, there can be sexual aspects to specific kinks or dynamics, someone's dick, tit, or ass size is not in dire need of being known.

5. Demanding pictures, tasks, rules, etc., within even days of meeting you, especially if it is not something you brought up first. Submission is earned, not taken just as Domination is. Key thing to remember is that you do not owe the other person anything.

6. Requesting personal information from you (i.e. Your full name, address, information to certain accounts, etc.). I know some of you may be thinking "well duhhhh," but this is something that happens a lot and can seriously hurt someone when given to a complete stranger. Just because they are a "Dom" and told you to do it, does not mean you should.

7. People who claim to be a "Master" or a "Trainer" seeking to "show you what you are in life."

8. Lack of a basic knowledge regarding certain roles they claim as theirs (i.e. Avoiding answering questions by changing the subject or using another question).

9. Have no references or friends you can speak with to verify they are who/what they claim to be.

10. Claim that your thoughts, opinions, limits, as well as you yourself do not matter. (This sort of goes along with #3.)

11. Flipping out, losing their temper, or insulting you if you question their "authority" or intentions.

12. Pouring on compliments about how you are the best prospective S-type or D-type they have met, you have amazing potential that they "can't let go to waste" or "can't pass up on" (especially when they know little to nothing about you).

13. Threatening to release your information or pictures publicly if you say no or resist their commands (partly why #5 is so important).

14. Refuse to verify themselves, whether through a pic, vid, etc., when you ask, even if they requested one from you.

15. If you feel something is not right, often your gut feeling will be more accurate than your mind. Listen to it.

While there are so many more and I could go on and on all night, these are common ones that I see more often than I'd like.

Tying into this, I saw a post the other day for some one who would "train you" under "some conditions." I decided to reach out and question them and I got a PRIME example of what number 8 will look like in some cases. I have included the conversation below as reference.

My hope with all of this is that it will help you know and be able to identify what to watch out for if or when you decide to test the waters in the BDSM community, whether online or in person.

If you have a question on if something you have experienced is a Red Flag, please feel free to ask!