One Small Problem

You take a moment to admire yourself in the mirror. You look incredible, even if you do say so yourself. From the style of your hair, to the carefully chosen outfit, topped off with some eye watering expensive aftershave, it is clearly visible how much effort — and expense — you have gone to. You tell yourself that it is going to be worth it. That Ash is worth it.

You have had a crush on Ash for ages. Initially, you just admired the view, but then she crept into your fantasies and regularly appeared in your dreams. You weren’t sure you would ever have a chance with someone like her. Then, one day, you just seized the courage to ask her out — and, to your surprise and delight, she said yes.

The first date was just drinks at a bar, but it went well. Really well. She flirted with you the whole time and you clearly had great chemistry together. At the end of the night, before she got in a taxi, you kissed and it was sweet, and soft, and she smelled amazing.

A second date was a done deal — which brings us to tonight. Ash is coming to your place for dinner and drinks — and you are certain that this night ends with her in your bed. You can hardly wait.

Around the house, the stage is set. The lighting is low. There is soft music floating in the background. Even a scented candle to put a light fragrance in the air. The whole thing is practically the stereotype of ‘romantic setting’, if your intentions were not already crystal clear.

The doorbell rings and you have to hold yourself back from running to answer. Instead, you stroll over — taking your time. Patience and anticipation, you remind yourself, all good things come to those who wait.

Opening the door, Ash is on the other side and she looks stunning. Clearly, she has made every bit as much of an effort as you have. She looks absolutely stunning in her figure hugging dress that shows off every curve, tantalizing you with the flawless specimen that lies beneath. You greet her with a warm embrace, and without thinking you both kiss — and it is every bit as intoxicating as the first.

You have to fight the urge to start peeling off her clothes there and then on the spot, but you rein it in. Plenty of time for that. Separating, you see that Ash looks as flushed as you feel. That feeling running through you; she felt it too.

“I brought a bottle”, she says, offering it to you.

“Great!” you say, “that’ll go nicely with dinner — which should be just about ready.”

True to your prediction, it is, and the two of you sit across one another at a table. The food, like the atmosphere, has been judged to perfection — and is delicious. Beneath the table, you find your feet brushing together with a little footsie ensuring you are both completely aware of the presence of the other.

The drink that Ash brought is also really good stuff — but also quite strong. You can feel it go to your head, and the flush in Ash’s cheeks suggests it’s gone to hers too. All told, the evening is going perfectly — better than you dared dream. And after dessert you will both be all over one another — insatiable with another kind of hunger.

At least, that is, until one small problem comes up.

“So,” you say, trying to find out more about your date, “tell me something else about you. Tell me… something that you really, really love.”

Ash looks thoughtful for a moment, as she considers your question. “Umm… pineapple,” she says, then nods confidently, “I honestly couldn’t live without pineapple in my life.”

The words are like a cold splash of water and send a chill down your spine. You hate pineapple. In fact, no one you know likes pineapple. You and your friends make fun of people who like pineapple. This cannot be happening. How can it be that the girl of your dreams — who is clearly into you too — likes pineapple!

Thankfully, Ash has failed to notice the effect of her words on you. You swallow and decide that you need to choose your next words carefully.

“I’m sorry, what?” you say, incredulously, “Are you seriously saying that you like pineapple?”

Ash blinks and looks at you, confused by your tone. “Well sure,” she says, “I mean, pineapple are great. Everyone loves pineapple, don’t they?” An awkward moment passes as Ash’s drink-addled mind puts two and two together and finally reaches four. “Hang on…” she says, “You don’t mean… Wait, are you saying that you don’t like pineapple?”

A horrified expression crosses Ash’s face, pretty much mirroring the expression on your own face. Clearly, she finds your position as incomprehensible and repellent as you find hers.

“Of course not!” you say. “pineapple are just… wrong. Bad and wrong. I mean, the world would be a better place without pineapple in it.”

The mood in the room has changed, and all the music and scented candles in the world could not mask it. You look across at the object of your desire and she is just as beautiful and desirable as ever — and yet you are also seeing her with fresh eyes. Another side to Ash. The darker side. The twisted side. The side that likes pineapple.

“Well”, says Ash, gazing at you across the table, a little disappointedly, “I guess you’re not exactly the person I thought you were.” Her legs, which had been stretched beneath the table to play with yours, withdraw back to her side. Ash looks you up and down — clearly enjoying the view — but with an air of wistful regret.

“It’s a real shame,” she says, “But this is a bit of a deal-breaker for me. Basically, anyone who doesn’t love pineapple can fight me…”

Wow. How could something that seemed so right, go so wrong, so quickly?

“Hey,” you protest, “I’m not the only one who feels that way. I bet loads of people you know would agree with me.”

Ash raises an eyebrow. “Oh really?” she says, “Name one.”

It’s a bit unfair to be put on the spot with a slightly muzzy head, and you cast around for a name. “Well, what about Drew?” you suggest.

Ash looks scornfully at you. “You think Drew doesn’t like pineapple?”

“Well, have you ever asked him?” you retort.

Ash hesitates at that, and you realise you have struck lucky. You watch as Ash retrieves her phone and scrolls for Drew’s number, before pressing dial. After a few moments, you hear a voice answer on the other end — and it sounds slightly out of breath.

“Hey Drew”, says Ash, “Are you okay? Did I catch you at a bad time? Oh, you are? Whereabouts? Well, that’s a coincidence. I don’t suppose you could swing by and settle something for us. Great!”

Hanging up, Ash turns to look at you. “Drew is actually out for a run down the street. He’s going to quickly visit as he passes”.

Your heart sinks a little. Having one of Ash’s friends drop in partway through your date is a serious risk of killing the mood — though that was already in danger. Plus you can’t decide if it being Drew makes it better or worse, because Drew is also super-hot. If Ash had turned you down, Drew was probably the next person you were going to ask out.

You and Ash are able to make small talk for a few minutes without hitting on any more contentious topics, and it reminds you that you are seriously into her. Then there is a knock on the door and Drew enters — and he is looking good.

Just as Ash said, Drew was out running and he is wearing a tight t-shirt and cute shorts that show off his strong legs. His cheeks have a red flush from exertion and he is breathing a little more heavily. The exposed parts of his skin have a shining sheen of sweat. You feel a stirring in your underwear at the sight of him.

“So what’s the emergency?” asks Drew, slightly breathlessly.

“The problem is,” says Ash, “that this guy here hates pineapple — and was bold enough to claim that you do too.”

You look over at Drew with some slight trepidation, wondering what he is going to say next.

To your great relief, a look of disgust crosses Drew’s face. “Ick, pineapple?” he asks, incredulously, “You seriously thought I liked pineapple?”

Ash looks from Drew to you and back again. “I don’t believe it,” she says, “You can’t both be…” She shakes her head. “That’s it”, she says, “I’m out of here. This evening was a complete waste of fucking time”.

With that, she storms to get her things together and go. You hesitate for a moment and almost call her back, but the hesitation is too long and she is gone.

“Wow,” says Drew, “you think you know a person…” Then he looks around at the unfinished meal and drinks. “I’m sorry for ruining your date, dude.”

You shrug. “I think it was ruined long before you got here. It certainly wasn’t going anywhere,” you say with some regret, “Better to find out this sort of thing now than later.”

A flash of inspiration strikes you. “Look, I’ve got dessert ready and it’s too much for just me alone. Want some to make up for interrupting your run?”

Drew thinks for a second and you catch him checking you out. You are reminded that you do look really good right now. “Sure”, he says, making a decision, “I’d like that.”

You bring out the dessert and the two of you return to the table to eat. It’s exceptionally good. Over the course, you and Drew chat pleasantly, including just how wrong Ash is about pineapple. You notice the food, the music and the atmosphere having an effect on Drew as he relaxes and continues to make glances your way.

You both finish and you rise to take his bowl. “Would you like a little more?” you ask.

Drew stands up too. “I think I would,” he says, and kisses you. The kiss is warm and carries the hint of sweetness from the dessert, with a touch of salt from his previous running. You return the kiss and for a while you are caught up in the moment.

When you break, Drew is breathing a little more heavily. He bites his lip and his eyes are full of intent. “I want you dude,” he says.

“I want you too,” you reply. “Ash was a mistake. I should…”

Drew stops you talking about your former guest with another kiss, and you can feel the passion and desire behind it.

When the kiss breaks, he licks his lips. “Can I shower first?” he asks.

“Sure you can,” you say, “Can I join you?”

Drew’s eyebrows rise at your forward proposal, but he is clearly into the idea. “Sure,” he says, “I could use someone to lather me up while I’m getting wet and steamy.”

His tone is suggestive and his body language clearly receptive to your charms. You both kiss again, and continue to do so as you stumble towards the bathroom, with you guiding the impassioned fumbling along the way. As you make progress, you both put your hands to work in undressing the other. Your trail is marked by discarded clothes as you reveal more and more of the skin beneath.

By the time you reach the bathroom, you are both practically naked. A few moments later and you are completely naked. You break the impassioned embrace for a moment to admire Drew’s body. “You’re gorgeous,” you breathe.

For his part, Drew is admiring you in turn. “So are you,” he says.

You reach past him and turn the dial. Hot water bursts from the shower head and steam billows upward. You press Drew backwards, bringing you both into the warmth. The spray striking your skin brings the sensation to life, adding to the sensation of Drew’s warm, smooth, skin.

True to his request, you lather up some soap and proceed to massage, smooth and caress it across his body, washing away the sweat and scent from his earlier running. Drew moans softly as you do so, enjoying your touch across every inch of his body.

As you both rinse the foam away, Drew kisses you again and there is hunger and urgency there now. A desire in need of satisfaction. Reaching down, you grasp his thick, silky cock and begin lovingly stroking. Drew gives a long, low moan and you feel his fingers wrap around your own hardness in response. You continue to rock together, rhythmically, as you make love. You reach for his ass and hold it firmly, helping to press yourself in more deeply as you do so. Drew likewise grabs your own ass and you feel him holding you tight.

Drew’s moans become more urgent gasps as you feel him moving toward climax. You respond in kind, keeping pace with him. “Oh baby,” he moans, “you are so good. So good. Keep fucking me baby, please.”

Drew throws back her head and the shower water scatters across her face like rain. “Yes!” she cries, “Oh yes! Oh…..” And with that she cums and a heartbeat later, so do you. Waves of pleasure cascade through both of you, and you hold each other close as the shower continues to rain down on you.

Drew returns to kissing you fervently and passionately in celebration and satisfaction at your love-making. As you both subside again, you finish cleaning yourselves off. Drew is light-headed and grinning like a fool. You are too.

You escort her to your bedroom and the two of begin working up a sweat. At this rate, you’ll need another shower in the morning.

It might not have worked out with Ash, but life is too short to waste time with people who love pineapple.