My Naked Ballarina

I have heard some people say artists have the capacity to see beyond the present visible dimensions.

I never really believed that eventhough I have always thought of myself as an artist.

I grew up in a small midwest town. A town where everyone knew your family. I can barely recall when I started taking ballet classes but I do know I hated the first year or so of classes because the older girls in my class often made fun of my hair. My mother was mixed with black and indian so I had her frizzy hair. My mother rarely put my hair up. Instead I mostly wore two braids or a pony tail. The other girls in my ballet class were white girls.

After my first year of ballet my parents could no longer afford classes.

When I was about 10 years old we moved to a bigger city. My Dad had a better job. My best friend at school was taking ballet so I told my parents I wanted to take classes again. By the time I was ready to go to highschool I had become really good! I started to think I could become a professionally dancer.

In highschool my girlfriends said I should go out for the cheer team so I did. That basically ended my dancing dreams because just before my senior year started I tore up my knee. It was horrible because now I couldn’t dance or cheer.

Then I started dating Tony. He lived down the street and was 4 years older than me. He was in college. I think it was probably senior prom night when I got pregnant because I remembered Tony saying he thought the condom broke! I didn’t have the best of grades to go to college and I really wanted the baby. We eloped to Las Vegas and got married.

That was then and this is now. I am 26 years old and my daughter is 7 years old. Tony and I divorced last year mainly because Tony never stopped being a player. He had inherited a lot of money from his Grandfather. That is the good part because when we reached the divorce settlement I got enough money for my daughter and I each month that I didn’t need to work.

So here I am back taking classes at the junior college and living with my daughter in a nice apartment. Whenever I need a baby sitter my parents live just three blocks away.

Six months ago I started going to the gym and sort of thought about doing ballet again but decided I was too busy with my art. Painting had always been a hobby. I think I got pretty good over the years. Painting was sort of therapy for me. It was always flowers or landscapes. Lakes, trees, sunsets and flowers but never people. Then about a week ago I bought a bunch of pink and lavender roses that I spread out on a bed of recently fallen maple tree leaves. I started to sketch what I wanted to paint and I keep seeing this dark image of a ballerina.

Over the next few days the image began to move in my mind. I would start a sketch then stop and then start another one. I had dreams at night. Once I woke up sweating and highly arroused. I took out my vibrator and had this wild fantasy of a ballerina dancing naked in front of me while I writhed on a bed of of flowers. I could smell the roses as I had orgasm after orgasm.

That morning after I showered and took my daughter to school I came back home and once again stared at my sketches. Then I started my painting. I began to paint my first human and it was a ballerina.

When I picked up my daughter from school she blurted out in the car that she wanted to take ballet classes because her friend Linda was taking classes.

That night I had a similar erotic dream as the one the night before only it was more intense and far more vivid. I was making love with a women, a ballarina. I had never been with another women and I had never dreamed of being with another woman so in the morning I told myself to snap out of it but it seemed something was happening beyond my control. I refused that day to go into my painting studio. Instead I ran errands and went shopping. Just as I was about to leave to go pick up my daughter at school, Linda’s mother called me and told me her daughter was begging for my daughter to go with her to ballet classes. She offered to take my daughter from school to try out the class. I agreed then got the address to pick my daughter up from the ballet school at 5:00 PM.

I went early so I could see what the class was like. My daughter was having fun with her friend and the other girls. I saw there was an adjacent studio and I peered in. It was adults and older teens. I felt like I was slipping into another dimension when I looked in. The painting I had started and the scene in front of me blurred together. I stood there in a daze and then my daughter pulled on my arm. “Mommy, mommy, you have to sign me up for these classes. I really loved it!” We headed over to the reception desk. The lady behind the desk was all smiles. I signed up my daughter for the class and I also signed up myself for the adult class. That was on a Wednesday and our first class would be on Friday.

After I put my daughter to bed I went in my art sudio and my painting began to take shape. I felt really happy, happier than I had felt for a long time. I slept very well and did not remember any dreams. The next day I went shopping and bought everything we would need for our ballet classes.

On Friday I picked up my daughter from school and we headed over to the ballet studio. We were both excted.

I have heard some people have memories of past lives, memories rooted deeper beyond human life, maybe in some faraway galaxy. When I walked into my ballet class, the first class in over ten years, I felt like I was walking into another dimension. I had this tingling that made me think of an old soul, an unknown language, and I could almost hear a voice whispering softly in my ear. I started envsioning what I needed to put into my painting.

One girl had caught my eye and we were immediatly drawn to each other. After class we exchanged phone numbers. Her name was Kendra. It was an instant attraction. It was my dream manifesting itself in real time.

She called that evening and I invited her over for dinner the next day on Satirday. That night I went outside and looked up at the heavens, at the stars, I felt like I was traveling to my cosmic home.

On Saturday afternoon I took my daughter to spend the night at my parents house then I went home and started preparing dinner for my new friend. I was taking great care to prepare a beautiful meal.

Kendra brought a bottle of wine. We ate, we talked, we laughed and we shared stories about our childhoods and our failed relationships.

Then, at some point, maybe after we had moved from the table to the couch, had opened our second bottle of wine and put on some soft jazz music the mood shifted. Someone once said “Freedom is the dimension of spontaenity.” I guess that is what hapoened;

we kissed. Then what happened can only be called other worldly. She stood up, went to her purse and pulled out a dark blue scarve. “I have always wanted to do this.” She said. I was a bit nervous but willing to see what would happen. “I am going to put this scarve over your eyes and change the music. You can remove it it a minute or so when I tell you!” She delicatly put the scarve on me and I slumped back into my couch, I was high from the wine for sure.

The music changed to something ckassical and the volume had gone up a bit.

“Ok, you can take off the scarve now.” she said in soft distant voice.

I pulled the scarve down. I was instantly in a different dimension. The light was a pale laveder color in my living room. There she stood in front of me naked. She was in a ballarina pose. It was the exact same pose as my painting. It was beyond sensual. Her long elegant limbs and curves seemed to glow in the soft light. Then, almost as if she was levitating she began to dance with the music. It was the ballet of light, love, sexual desire, and spiritualism all in one. I shivered with orgasm after orgasm. She ydanced around the room and then came back to me. She began to touch me. She kissed me and undressed me. She kissed every part of my body. I closed my eyes and felt wave after wave of colors splash around me like feathers dropping from heaven. My body pulsed with multiple orgasms as she painted my wet canvas with her kisses. We made love eternally.

When I woke up in my bed I was naked and I could feel her touching me again, but when I rolled over to return her affection I only saw her shadow from the morning light that was filtering in from my bedroom window. I wasn’t sure if I was dreaming or awake so I closed my eyes and fell back asleep.

When I finnaly woke up, she was gone, only her scarve was left on my couch. I called her phone, but it said that number was disconnected. I tried again with the same result.

I picked up my daughter and we had a fun day going shopping.

Monday at the ballet class Kendra was not there. After class I went to the reception desk to get her correct phone number thinking I had the wrong phone number. The receptionist looked puzzled and said there was nobody named Kendra registered in the class!

For now I share my memory through art, a gift from the universe, so I can continue to connect to the person I really am. I do not understand or could ever attempt to explain the mysticism of other dimensions.