My beloved archetypal Slut

Have you ever been haunted by your darker side? The daring one, the one that breaks the rules, wants to scream their lungs out, break stuff, go after their dreams, …. Just be fully alive?!

What would it look like if you had actually let go of the nice girl or nice boy?

What would happen if you stopped acting as everyone expects you to?

What if you did something wrong? And you were no longer the good girl? Or a good boy?

Day to day life often shapes us into this machine that checks off the daily to-do list. The list of actions that make us to be a good citizen, great loving partner, awesome daughter, perfect father, valuable employee.

We become a shadow of the person who we dreamt to be.

The aliveness.

The audacity to think for yourself.

The courage to be different.

All slowly evaporate.

And we follow the drill.

Day in, day out.

Touching on those parts of you that are forbidden does not happen very often. Being wild, angry, being sexual, publicly sensual, or downright slutty just because you want to… you HAVE TO hide that.

So that we can all pretend those things that create havoc in our lives don’t exist. We say to ourselves that the wild side, the bad one can be tamed. And we aim to reach enlightenment. Positivity and love for all. Until it is so fluffy and light that you cannot bear it anymore.

The light is not the problem. But many preach light by pushing darkness, its opposite, to the corner. There is no alchemy. There is no transcendence. You just hide one so you can tell yourself that just the other side exists but that does not work. The darker sides of you will come back screaming for attention. Because you shut down your anger, you hide your true feelings, you pretend to be a saint whilst there is a different story running on the inside.

I love exploring both - the dark and the light. The spirit and the matter. The fluffy bits and the ugly bits. They all have lessons to teach.

And only then I can find the true transcending point. By knowing both sides of the spectrum.

.

And this is how I came to close contact with MY SLUT!

It is like an archetype that we see in society and it all came to me and said one big fat Hello! With all its desire for pleasure, restlessness, with never having enough of orgasms and also with its outrageous unapologetic self that is not ashamed for loving all of life.

And she showed up. Because I found her a place to be. Wild and free.

I found a place to interact with 5 to 10 guys a week.

In an Erotic Massage. I happen to provide sensual erotic massage to men. One that includes body slide and also hand relief. And I get paid for it.

No strings attached. A place where I can play as I wish. No nice girl. But rather a desiring, sensual woman who takes her clothes off within 2 minutes of meeting a guy so she can pleasure him all along of his body.

There is nowhere to hide and nowhere to cringe. You either dare or not. The little girl, the good girl has no place here. No space for shame or restricted beliefs about nudity.

And you better like it too because it is confronting.

I love it because I love LINGHAM massage, the Tantric Practice of Devotion on Male Genitals. So I brought that in.

It was still daunting but there was something irresistible about dropping down the idea of who I am, who I should be or how I should behave? How soon is too soon to be naked in front of a man you don’t know? What is okay to allow them to do? And what is not? Or who am I even attracted to or what age is okay and what age is not?

I have massaged over 100 guys now, naked.

They have seen me naked within those 2 or 3 minutes of meeting me.

I showered with them as if it was a normal thing to do.

I held their cocks.

I touched their body as only intimate lovers do.

I sat on their faces.

I sucked them.

I licked their buts - well, once.

I saw them orgasm.

I held their hearts.

I had them touch me - inside, outside, everywhere.

No matter whether they were 18 or 70.

My slut was frothing.

It was like Xmas. No questions asked. Can-do-anything attitude.

And WHAT A MAGIC it has been.

You see, I have learned that if you go into your darkest places and find a way to express them, you meet them, you are present with them - they have things to teach you. They show you parts of you that you didn't know existed. They invite you to truly know yourself, besides the fluff.

I felt what it feels like to be just enjoying the pleasure. No matter where it comes from or who it comes from. I orgasmed multiple times on the massage table. Sometimes I loved it, sometimes I could do without it as it did not feel that good.

I let it all in. Opening up to the unapologetic and unconditional force of the sexual energy.

Just being driven by the connection that I feel with the person and some sessions were HOT HOT HOT!!!!!!

I am a special case though. I have mastered my sexual energy enough to understand that what is happening in my body - all the flow, all the arousing sensations - all of that does not need to be projected onto the person in front of me. I did not become a horny machine.

The slut actually taught me. She showed me how EXCITING it is to be reckless and have fun with anyone.

And I know this is not for everyone! I have been quite sexually open and I knew this stage won't last forever. Plus I never did anything I did not want to do or put myself in dangerous situation. I just went and danced with the slut for a while.

And eventually, I learned something different too!!!

HOW EMPTY I feel if attraction and arousal is just about bodily pleasure.

My HEART YEARS FOR MORE.

I desire to be seen and met in far more deeper ways than just on my skin and through sensation. I want to rapture in the arms of my lovers until I turn into specks of star dust.

And I find nothing more exquisite than being in the present moment, feeling somebody’s body on top of me AND ALSO! Feeling the love. Unconditional, eternal.. Love! everywhere!

I love the absolute slowness when your senses have so much to absorb it is driving you crazy. I love to be slow enough to be able to pay attention to the sensations, to the energy in my body, the energy in my lover, the sounds, the breath, the intensity... all of it!

I don’t desire quick fix or energy exchange, quick f.uck. I wanna cross the line between being me separate from the other person and melting into one another in the eternal moment of NOW!

There is a level of depth that not everyone can provide. And that depth is what I yearn for!

I want the magic!

So guess what!?

My slut ran out of fuel eventually. She got SATIATED. I let her go free and she had her fun until she learned and grew into a new version of herself.

She is no longer the girl that needs to have everybody or the prettiest boy in the room. She is not craving sex, she knows to take care of her own needs.

She is helping me now to grow into a woman that knows of the depth and magnificence of the experience she can provide. She wants to be slutty for fun, not for money, in the arms of someone who captures her body, heart, mind and soul. She wants to use all of her tricks on the man who will be there every day so they have loads of fun together. She is aware of her magnetism. Not only in her loin but within her whole being. She is becoming a sorceress that is claiming who she is for the benefit of all.

Love you my darling Slut!