Mother by Day, Wife by Night

How to Be a Mother and Still Enjoy Romance and Sexy Evenings

Mother by Day, Wife by Night

I am a mother and a wife in the traditional sense; I make meals, clean, shop, kiss boo-boo's, and I clean toilets. While none of that is necessarily sexy, unless your husband has a fetish with a dust mop, it doesn't mean that you can't put sexy back into your relationship.

It takes two, and it takes effort. Don't expect for him to make the first move. And do not get your feelings hurt if he doesn't bite on the first cast. Here are some tips on how to stay sexy and desirable to your husband, even after 5, 10, or even 15 years.

Be bold - sometimes.

Good men don't like a flashy woman. They like their women to be good mothers and good wives. They don't want to feel like she is flirtatious with every man in the world. But don't mistake that to mean that he doesn't want to see your flirty, or naughty, side. Don't overdue it so much that you're clearly awkward and 3,000 miles from your comfort zone. But do something different, something sultry, something spontaneous. And only do this in the privacy of your bedroom. Here are some ideas for some fun things to get your man's attention, and to remind him that you are still a playful woman underneath the crayon marks, spit up stains, and pulled up sweaty hair.

1. Take some boudoir photos.

Men like a tease so don't take it all off. Be scantly clad, lying in his favorite position. Look directly at the camera with the "come get me" eyes and smile. Definitely smile. Have a calendar made or a look-a-like magazine and gift this to him. He will appreciate it.

2. Take time to shower together.

Unless your man has drawn clear boundaries that he wants his alone time in the shower, slip in the bathroom after he has started to shower and get in with him. Massage his neck and wash his back. Make subtle movements that show passion, romance, and intimacy. This isn't for sex, necessarily. This is for the closeness that leads a couple to a healthy sexual and sensual relationship.

3. Sleep naked.

This one is especially true if it is something you rarely do. Don't be flashy with it. Don't alert him. Let him figure it out. Shower, smell like vanilla (that is a known aphrodisiac for men), be completely shaved, and let his hands find your warm, naked body next to him. If he isn't a cuddle bug, then you cuddle to him. This will definitely pique his curiosity, and likely a few other things, especially if it is not something you normally do.

4. Be nice.

Okay, so this one normally goes without saying but I don't think, as women, we realize just how much we complain. We have a lot on our plates, especially if we are an income earner and we take care of the kids. Let's face it, our husband's can be just as much work as the kids are. Still, if you want the romance to come pouring back into your relationship, you are going to have to smile at him, give him a kiss when you feel your world is falling apart, and hold his hand. You have to reassure him that your frustration isn't with him, and that he still makes you happy. if you do this, he will respond. Think of it like this... negativity breeds negativity and a snow ball begins to happen that causes you two to grow apart. It didn't happen overnight. By being nice, and paying attention to the little details, he will respond back to you, albeit slowly. Don't expect anything right this second, but with some patience, you will be newly-weds again in a matter of a few weeks.

5. Decor in Your Bedroom

This is a big one that many couples don't realize. Your bedroom isn't your family room. It is the most intimate place in your home for your relationship. Your kid's coloring book gifts, school pictures, and family photos do not belong on your dresser or night stand. Your bedroom should be the place you two go to escape all of that and just enjoy one another. Have your favorite wedding photo, or first date image, printed on a canvas. Place those types of pictures on your walls. If you had boudoir photos done, hang up one of those and if you're lucky enough to get him to do a boudoir session with you, definitely hang that up like artwork. This will send him the message that you appreciate all that the two of you are and remind him of the "pretty" you, even though the day-to-day can be quite unattractive.

These are just a few ideas. Again, don't expect for him to respond right away. Eventually, if you show you are investing yourself into him, without complaining about how he is not, he will naturally respond and it will mean even more that way. From here, you can get as down and dirty as is appropriate in your relationship. You can explore new sexual fantasies, have some morning play time, or simply dance in the kitchen to some romantic music and a glass of wine. There are many times when our home (we have six kids) looks like a disaster. But, while I am making dinner in the middle of the war zone, my husband will come up to me and kiss my neck or dance with me in the kitchen to the music I have playing (I always make sure there is music in case we get that 5 minute opportunity). For those 5 minutes, we feel like we are alone. It is refreshing and rewarding.

The small things make big things and truthfully, they make us feel loved, wanted, and appreciated. Don't get mad if a child interrupts your well-planned out evening... embrace it, laugh about it together, and pick it back up in the morning. Just don't give up. Your relationship is worth far more than that. When he does little things, like the dance in the kitchen, it is your turn to respond by hopping in the shower with him, or dressing extra sexy with make up one evening. Yes, it takes effort, but the effort will pay off!

Shannon Humphrey
Shannon Humphrey
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Shannon Humphrey

I am a wife to an awesome man, and a mom of six beautiful children. I love kids, education, history, politics, philosophy and theology. I attended Ave Maria University in Naples, Florida and I am currently working on my J.D. and Ph.D.

See all posts by Shannon Humphrey