I still get views on my last entry about this topic. I also get questions about it. So much so I decided to do this follow up.
To remind you drop is the drop in adrenaline or endorphin you get while play or a scene. It happens to both subs and doms but most people are more aware of drop in subs. After care is the act of caring for your partner during drop or after the scene. It is the most important thing in the bdsm lifestyle and is an absolute must. There is no reason not to do it, I don't care if you feel like it or not, it is crucial! Whether it's just sitting with your partner and cleaning up or getting your partner the things that they need. Some subs don't need a lot of aftercare so aftercare may be taking care of any cuts or just looking for marks and cleaning up.
The reason why it's so important is that drop is such a wild and unpredictable thing that subs need some attention to get through it. It can also help the dom not withdraw from the sub. The sub needs their aftercare first. The reason for this is because they are the one receiving the act and depending what the act was and how intense it was, the drop or aftermath can be very intense and hard.
Dom drop is little different than sub drop because they are doing the act but it's still the same idea. The drop is main due to adrenaline. They still need attention and care. The worse thing that the dom can do is ignore or withdraw from their partner. Withdraw does happen and it doesn't make you a bad person. Withdrawing is the first instinct for some doms. Like I said earlier providing aftercare for the sub can help the dom not withdraw. The reason that this is because aftercare forces the dom to focus on the sub. Some doms also describe being detached or emotionless after the scene. If this is you then you need to find a way to be there for your sub, to help them with their drop. If you can't do this then you need to have a conversation with your partner. Maybe you guys can take care of each other at the same time. This is all up to the 2 of you, both of you need to have your aftercare needs met. Both partners needs being met is very important.
So one of the questions the questions I got was what to do about sub drop. Also in the email the person mention she thought that her and her partner maybe did too much. Suffering from drop and needing after care isn't about what you did or if it was too much or too intense. It's just play and acts in general that can bring on a drop. So what do you do about drop? That's a very personal question because everyone is different. You need to discuss this with your partner when it happens or prior to play. You need to discuss what you need. Some people don't know what they need until after the act or scene is over, this isn't a bad thing. What the sub needs can be as simple as attention or to be held. It is the dom's job to give this to their sub. If dom denies this to their sub then this makes them a bad dom. If a dom can't provide the aftercare their sub needs to their sub they need to not be a dom to that sub or a dom in general. If aftercare in general that you don't want to do then maybe rethink being a dom. If it's the kind of after care that they need that you don't want to then maybe you shouldn't be a dom to that sub in particular. It's ok not to be a dom and it's ok not to be a good fit to a sub. Everyone has someone that is a good fit for them and it's ok if that fit for this person is not you.
Drop and aftercare are hard to talk about because it is so individual and personal that not everyone is going to experience the same thing. Everyone is also not going to need the same thing from aftercare and a relationship. These different needs are not just due to personality but to the background of each person. Also experience may have something to do with it too. Some people that are use to certain acts may need less aftercare than they did when they first starting doing the act. You may get use to an act and that is ok.
There is no secret to doing aftercare. There is no formula either. I can't tell you what steps to take or what to do. I can encourage you guys to figure it out I can give you ideas of what to do for after care. There are some stuff like cleaning up and checking for cuts or bruises that are good ideas for every couple to do. Also checking for any soreness is also a great idea for everyone.
I hope you enjoyed this. I also hope you learned something. If you have any questions or concerns please email me ([email protected]).