Minute Man

A week after I dumped my boyfriend, I had two dates lined up with two different men. After the Aussie was a complete flop, there was the drummer. The drummer, I had high hopes for. We had been talking for a week prior to our date, I’d found out his previous three relationships had been friends with benefits… so clearly this guy knew his way around a woman’s body if three separate girls had kept him around for just that soul purpose. He boasted about his enjoyment of going down on women, which was exciting as my ex didn’t exactly enjoy it. Plus, drummers know how to keep a rhythm… if you know what I mean.

The first date took place in a bar that was completely dead due to it being a Monday. However, time flew by and we talked for two hours without realizing. The departure was awkward not knowing whether to kiss or hug or simply wave. I was quick to text him and inform him despite the awkward hug we decided on to end the night off, I was interested in seeing him again.

The second date ended far less awkwardly. We went for sushi and then sat at a viewpoint making out while looking out on the bay and city beyond. I’m not a big fan of PDA… or more so overly passionate public displays of affection. Meaning kisses and hand holding is more than okay but like making out is a bit of a step too far and passed that line… I really did cross my own personal line that night as we made out passionately in front of the few poor souls that made their way to the viewpoint.

Our third date started with plans for watching a movie in public at a movie theatre and somehow ended with him coming over to my place to watch Netflix… I’m actually quite certain that this was my own plan. I intended to have sex with him at that point…. and I did. Unfortunately, I did.

See, the issue was every assumption I had of drummer boy was completely and entirely wrong when it came to the bedroom. After about thirty minutes of watching the movie of his choice in the living room, I paused it and brought him to the bedroom. I will say, he got me off, which was nice but it was in the most basic way possible and prior to any actual sex happening which is cool and all but doesn’t really feel connected… even more so when he instructs me to give him a blowjob because it’s been a few months and he wants to make sure he lasts… well, let’s just say he doesn’t. I go down on him, and he finishes so fast that I am taken by surprise, and for the first time, I have a man hold me down on his dick as he jizzes in my mouth… since this wasn’t really intentional, I ran to the bathroom and spit it out despite it not exactly being horrible.

We wait shortly for him to get hard again, I play with him a little to expedite the process and grab a condom from my drawer, a leftover from my ex. Then things get hot and heavy… for the thirty seconds he manages before cumming into the condom and going and cleaning himself up. I had barely had a moment to get used to him in me let alone enjoy the sensation of him in me before he finished. Although, I’ll say the worst part of it all was the lack of acknowledgement he had for how quickly he finished both times! He came twice in under a minute and as much as I want to say I’m just that good… I know I’m not.

He proceeded to stay TWO HOURS after the disastrous sex we had to finish the movie he had already watched and continued to make no mention to the shitty sex we had just had. All the fears I had had with Gutter Boy had suddenly come true with this supposedly experienced man.

I like to think myself mature enough to confront someone when things aren’t working. I believe this to be the reason I have yet to be broken up with… because I recognize when things aren’t working out and talk them out with my significant other… but really how do you tell someone the reason you don’t wish to see them anymore is because they took part with you in the worst sex of your life? I had a friend who asked me why I thought I was so good at sex that this guy was terrible… I replied saying that I had had drunk sex better than the sex I had experienced with his man… and when drunk… no one cums. I am ashamed to say that I proceeded to ghost Minute Man… However, I would like to mention to the jury that it took him four whole days after the encounter for him to text me, “Hey hey how’s it going? :),” and after that long a period of time, I was over it… so I only ghosted him after he took too long to initiate conversation…

He did reach out to me twice more. The second time with a simple "Hey" and the final asking why things had stopped so abruptly…. I still didn’t have the heart to tell him that it was because he sucked in bed, nor the interest to take the time to make up a lie…

C’est la vie.