Male Sex Education and Porn

Now guys, this is getting serious: the amount of men that are mimicking sex the way it's done in pornography is astounding. And I feel it's not being talked about enough. OK, there is nothing wrong with having porn sex, it's just not all that interesting for most women. For the average woman, it highly resembles (if that) the feeling of masturbating. Because that's what porn is made for - masturbation. I know that it can sometimes be fun to do it as they do it in porn, but it can become extremely repetitive regardless to say that sex is so much more than humping, fingering, gagging, licking or sucking. More than you could ever imagine. And no, I'm not talking about necessarily getting emotionally involved - although that is the way to having the time of your life - but just going with the flow, feeling what she wants, asking for what you want, relaxing, making time and space for experiments, for exploration, knowing how and what and where. Whether it be soft or hard, slow or fast, sex is meant to be fulfilling, not just a means of relief. Don't most men want to be just a little bit happier in general when they leave their lover's side? Wouldn't most men want to be their best at satisfying a woman? And no, I'm not talking to you, you egocentric narcissist, who's only goal is to 'cum and go'.

If you still haven't had the best sex of your life that gives you the shivers (the good ones) or at least makes you smile and are finding yourself more and more frustrated by cumming too quickly or her not cumming at all or not cumming as often as you would like her to, let me tell you this: you really shouldn't be referencing porn. Really not. Why?

No. 1

Women need to feel, men need to look, to see. This is just a rule of thumb, but quite a good one. Women were made to get aroused and then feeling their way into an orgasm. And no, we don't come prepared, ready to go as you see in pornographic movies. How come? Because most women don't think about sex as much as men do. Or at least not as often.

No. 2

The most potent erogenous zones on a female body are not between her legs. They are all over her body especially on her neck, belly, thighs, breasts, hips, buttocks and back. The door between her legs opens by itself if you know the right combination. When you just jump into it and start by burying your face between her thighs or sticking your fingers up her vagina, she's - sort of, kind off - worse off than she would be masturbating. When you get it that by warming up the female body by caressing it whole, by teasing, tapping, squeezing, hugging (yes, hugging) and by listening to her reactions, there is no limit to the amount of pleasure you can bring to her. And her to you.

No. 3

Orgasm should not be your goal. Let me say that again: orgasm should not be your goal. Ever. Alertness should. Being present should. Taking it step by step and listening should. Feeling should. If you focus only on making her cum, frustration is sure to enter the equation. On either or both sides.

And here's the How and the What:

Wait

In porn, men go 'in for the kill' straight away. And yes, this is sometimes necessary, but usually unwanted and many women shut down this way. Waiting can be difficult but it's really very erotic. You don't want to be waiting for hours, but be patient. Women generally need more time than men to open up and when they do, oh boy. She'll often show you when she's ready: she'll smile more, she'll play with her hair, she'll lean in or touch you, she'll sit more provocatively...

Observe, Listen

Usually, when you stop thinking of whether you're good enough, whether your dick is big enough (or at least average), if you'll be able to sustain it for long enough, then you can actually see what you have to do. You'll hear if her breathing changes, see if her cheeks are flushed, if her body starts moving against your hands and so on.

Feel

Yes dear men, you too are allowed to feel. It's not only a feminine thing. If you feel how her skin feels under your fingers, if you feel the warmth of her lips, if you feel the curvature of her buttocks, if you feel her breath on your neck, then you have a perfect recipe for making magic happen. Pornography is made to look like men are machines that are only there to make it happen and make it happen good and hard. Not so, my friends. We women love the sound(s) you make when you make a connection.

Ask and Ask for

If you're wanting to be an epic lover or simply wanting to have great sex, you need to verbalize. Or at least try to. If you're a bolder kind of guy, ask her to tell you or show you what she likes and how she likes it. Encourage her to speak. Don't just ask her if she can 'feel it'. If she's shy, ask her to whisper a word or two to get you going in the right direction. If you're the one who's somewhat shy, you can just start doing something, stop and ask: 'Yes?' if you're not sure. You might be surprised how easy it is once you get the hang of it. And you too are allowed to ask for things. Be a giver and a receiver. The 'nice' way is to hint, for instance to ask her to taste you instead of asking directly for a blow job or god forbid sticking it in front of her face, hands on hips and waiting for her to get a move on like they do in porn.

Sex is great most of the time. But good, non pornographic sex is something else. Try different. Try something she suggests even if only once (unless you really don't want to). Suggest yourself. You never know, she might oblige. Try a different rhythm, different pressure, try running just your fingers over her skin, your whole hand, just try something different. Don't just try different positions. These will come organically and you won't even need to think about them. You may be surprised with what you find. All in all, diversity makes it so much better.

Oh and guys, most women don't like it if you cum all over their face. Just check in with her on that one, please.