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Love shouldn't hurt

by Shanz R. Smith 7 months ago in relationships

When a woman feels unloved because her partner watches pornography, the relationship is never the same.

Love shouldn't hurt
Photo by engin akyurt on Unsplash

Imagine for a moment, you have an intimate evening planned with your partner. Everything is sailing along smoothly and you get to the physical part of the evening; Sex.

Your partner looks to you and tells you they need to use the bathroom first, so they go. A few moments later, you walk into the bathroom and your partner is sitting on the toilet watching a porno.

For a woman like me and many others, this is a mood killer, a betrayal of our love. You wonder why would he wants to watch other people having sex, instead of being with you.

You start to ask yourself, "What is wrong with me?" "Do they not find me attractive?" and you think they would rather see someone else naked than you.

Your self-esteem takes a nose dive and you're left with all these feelings of self hate. You start to question yourself, your confidence, and even your relationship, because nobody is a tougher critic on yourself, than you.

You feel like you're the ugliest person in the world, you feel fat, no matter if you're a size 0 or size 20. You feel like you are disgusting in his eyes. Why else would he need to watch those videos if he really loved and wanted to be with you?

You look into the mirror and cry because you know you can never compare to these girls. It's a kind of hurt that never goes away. Your partner can tell you 50 times a day that you're beautiful, how much they love you and how much you mean to them, and they don't want anyone else but you. Unfortunately, the damage has already been done to your self-esteem and confidence.

Once you were a strong individual, holding your head high, knowing your partner was 100% into you. Now you've been on the couch in the same pajamas you were wearing two days ago because you have no energy and lack the motivation to take care of yourself, let alone, anyone else.

Some people don't understand why their partners feel that watching pornography is a big deal. It gives off unrealistic ideas that that is how women should look and how they should perform in the bedroom.

Pornography is a legal form of prostitution. The participants involved are getting paid to perform sexual acts in front of a camera for money. If someone offered sex on the street for money, they would be arrested.

Pornographic films hire attractive people, with nice firm bodies, who are perky in all the right places. But that's not how things are in real life for most of us. In the real world, we're mothers, grandmothers, sisters, doctors, nurses, teachers, etc. We come in all shapes, sizes and colors, and are unique and beautiful in our own ways.

Our breasts start to sag, especially after children, and our butt's go flat. We start getting wrinkles on our forehead and the corners of our eyes. We have stretch marks from carrying life inside of our bodies, and we have bulging belly's. We also have real feelings more complicated that anyone understands, even ourselves. We're not some broken toy that needs to see a plastic surgeon to be fixed.

Is that truly how you want your partner to feel? How good do you feel about yourself, knowing you have crushed your partner in ways that can't be explained? Maybe it's time to sit down and ask yourself, "What can I do to show my partner they are the only one I want/desire?

I hope this makes you consider why your partner is feeling unloved, unwanted, and unattractive. Pornography can ruin relationships, especially if you're giving your phone, and bathroom, more time than your partner.


Shanz R. Smith

I am a Wife, Mother, Grandmother and Witch. I have been writing all my life. I have won several awards throughout my educational years, including poetry in various collections. Soon my debut Novel will be available.

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