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Let's Talk About The Problem With Porn

by Liam M 7 days ago in sexual wellness

Pornography might be ruining your relationship?

Let's Talk About The Problem With Porn
Photo by Dainis Graveris on Unsplash

Smash and dash, hump and dump. My goal; short term pleasures over long term happiness.

I only saw women as numbers, just another notch on the bedpost. I had become slutty, dirty and emotionless.

Why?

I was viewing too much porn.

Pornography distorts an individual's concept of sexual relations by objectifying them, which, in turn, alters both sexual attitudes and behaviour. - Patrick F. Fagan

Research has shown that porn can cause a variety of issues. Ranging from relationship concerns, depression, anxiety to a lack of intimacy. Porn can also lead to men and women devaluing their partners.

Some people can have a healthy relationship with pornography. For most, however, it harms their relationships.

Because of porn, I wasn't interested in long term partners. As soon as I came, I'd want them to go. I was so detached from my emotions.

I could see the future; it was bleak. I was emotionless, alone and sad.

So why does this happen?

Viewing porn can actually cause the brain to shrink. Porn reduces a region in the brain associated with motivation and reward. This leads to an increase in novelty & reward-seeking behaviour. 

Viewing porn leads you to have unrealistic expectations when it comes to sex. Meaning you'll become bored of your partner. The sex becomes novel, making you look for new and exciting partners instead.

Think about it, you're consuming images of perfectly skinny busty women "acting" alongside these ripped hung men. 

No wonder your brain is going to want better. You'll feel shit about yourself whilst wanting to find a better sexier partner. Porn could be damaging a perfectly good relationship.

This is how removing porn could help your relationship;

1 - Appreciation towards others

Because sex impacts the brain, porn removes some key emotions required for a strong relationship. This leads the viewer to value their partner less.

It's now known that men who watch pornography feel less satisfied with their relationships and are generally less emotionally attached.

I found that viewing porn made me lust after other women. Anyone was better than my current partner. When swiping your options are endless, the excitement never stops.

Once you stop watching porn, you will see the beauty in more women, hopefully just one in the end. You will stop looking for superficial beauty and look for natural beauty instead. Intelligence, affection and humour are much better traits in a long term partner. You may have overlooked these traits because you search for an airbrushed porn star.

Remember, life isn't the Pornhub search bar.

2 - W*nkers remorse

Have you experienced w*nkers remorse? That deep feeling of shame you feel once finishing a porn marathon.

Well, 3 minutes is hardly a marathon.

Once finishing, you're left feeling dirty and useless. With this remorse comes a lack of desire for your real sexual partner.

"Sexual shame" may be defined as shame that is caused by negative evaluations of one's sexual identity, behaviours, attractions, thoughts, or feelings. - Aquarius M. Gordon

When you have sex with a real-life partner, you're not left feeling this way. The bond between you both has grown, you feel closer to each other. You have reconnected on an emotional level. This feeling is priceless, much better than how you feel after w*nking over porn.

3 - Self-esteem issues

Men in porn have huge dicks; there's no denying that. This creates self-esteem issues for any man viewing porn.

Over the years you start to believe this is the norm. Assuming you are small and inadequate.

This leads to problems inside and outside of the bedroom. One study found that men who consume porn had self-esteem issues, depression and even responded less desirably to social situations.

I have noticed my confidence snowball since becoming sober and stopping watching porn. Now I feel comfortable in my skin, in clothes or naked. There's no more comparing myself to others.

4 - Stamina

According to some studies, porn consumption increases your dopamine production, which can cause faster ejaculations. Many men also masturbate simply to "get off" in the shortest time possible.

This can cause the body to become used to faster ejaculation times. Causing issues when you have sex with a real partner. Wham, bam, and it is over. Who's disappointed now?

Porn had impacted my self-esteem, which in turn caused me to have performance anxiety.

Without porn disrupting my mind, sex is much more enjoyable. I get caught up in the moment, enjoying every inch of my partner's body. I'm no longer worrying about how long I'm going to last.

Why? Because it feels incredible. I'm no longer comparing myself to those hung studs who fuck for hours. I'm enjoying the moment between myself and my partner.

5 - Sex is more satisfying

As previously mentioned, sex without porn is more satisfying. You aren't chasing or lusting after unrealistic women. Now your attention is on your partner's needs.

The bonus is your erection will be harder than ever.

I have found I become turned on by the more minor things in my partner. My sexuality had been numbed through my viewing habits. Now it's like I've had a sexual reawakening.

Now I'm sober and porn free; the sex is incredible. It just feels so much better. My brain has awakened; it is no longer confused; it is no longer being overstimulated with drugs and porn. My dopamine receptors have come back to life.

I have become more in touch with my emotions and needs and the needs of my woman. I no longer need porn to satisfy my needs. I now have fantastic sex in real life.

Current feelings

Porn only provided temporary relief from my worries, the same as alcohol did. But ultimately affected my feelings of loneliness and worthlessness.

I was disconnected from my real emotions.

The many issues caused by porn created difficulties in forming a satisfying and stable relationship.

There's nothing wrong with viewing porn, and those who do view it shouldn't feel ashamed. For myself, however, I could see how it was negatively affecting my life.

However, it's a matter of personal preference. Since I've removed porn from my life, I have noticed improvements in my relationships, from romantic to lifelong friends. My bonds have become more robust, and I respect the women I date now.

Instead of looking for a one night fling now, my mind is looking for a long term partner. It's taken almost two years to get to this point, so don't expect instant results. The years of porn abuse have damaged my mind, my dopamine reward system is slowly repairing. Without alcohol and porn in my life, I can grow and improve my lifelong relationships.

If you enjoy viewing porn, then carry on; if it brings you pleasure, then carry on enjoying it. Just be aware of the subconscious repercussions; it may be more damaging than you realise. There are problems with viewing porn.

sexual wellness

Liam M

** I am trash **

Brit living in Germany, living the sober life. I grew up as a trash bag, but now I associate as a human.

Writing about life, sobriety, money and all things in between

Read next: Ultimate Guide to Vintage Penthouse Pets Pt. 2

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