Let's Talk About: Anal Sex
Yes, you read that right. We're going to be talking about one of the most taboo sex acts possible. Buckle up.
Oh, boy. Anal sex.
It's sort of terrifying to think about, isn't it?
My own personal experience with the act was, up until recently, quite limited. I never felt particularly open to the idea, nor curious to try it with any of my partners. In fact, if any of them made any attempt to initiate anal play in any sense (even if just with a finger), I was very quick to shut them down.
Why was I so scared? Why are any of us so scared?
I suppose for me, the fear stemmed from two things I just couldn't put out of my mind:
- the pain and
- everything that could go wrong.
Of course, the pain is something everyone worries about. You're sticking something up a part of your body that does not operate the same way your vaginal canal does. It is not so politely self-lubricating. In fact, it's quite the opposite.
As one of my favorite comedy duos, Garfunkel and Oats, so elegantly put it: "of all of my holes, this one's the driest."
The pain of anal is imminent. I knew that much to be a fact. So that was one reason I was too scared to try it.
The other reason, as stated above, had to do with the fear of everything that could go wrong during the act itself.
If I'm being super blunt, the mechanics of anal sex never really made sense to me. I'm no expert on the human body, but I figured the anal canal was one that was strictly meant for fecal extraction and nothing else. And that being so, wouldn't it mean that it was always dirty? Who would want to go deep diving there when it's historically not the cleanest part of your body?
So what exactly were my fears? Well, there's no nice way of saying this. I feared my partner finding shit on his fingers, on his dick or, worse of all, me accidentally relaxing my bowels too much and having an accident all over the bed.
Like I said, guys, there's no nice way to say it.
Armed with immense fears, I avoided anal sex. Some of my partners casually brought it up, but I flat-out told them it was not something I was interested in. One partner, even after I had told him this, actually went out and bought a bottle of lube "just in case" I ever changed my mind.
(Spoiler: I never did. With him, anyway.)
The older I got and the more experienced I became, I felt myself wondering if maybe I was being too stingy about anal sex. I'd read a lot of articles from women who claimed that after trying it, they found they couldn't go back to vaginal intercourse—it was THAT good.
Another article I read was written by a woman who swore on her life that she had never had a better orgasm than the ones she has during anal sex.
I should mention that, historically, it's been difficult for me to achieve orgasm during sex. It's happened before, and some partners were better than others at making this happen for me, but it's never been something I can just naturally achieve. Like a lot of women, I sometimes leave sex feeling slightly dissatisfied. I never complain though because, as far as I know, that's just the way it goes. Sometimes you cum, sometimes you don't.
After reading those articles about anal sex, I'll admit I felt slightly intrigued. The best orgasm she ever had came from anal? Really?
I never actually thought you could have an orgasm from anal sex. But here's the thing they didn't teach you in sex-ed, kids: your anus is full of nerve-endings, just like your vagina. Also like the vagina, most of these nerves are concentrated around the opening and inside the rectum.
So what does that mean for you?
Basically, it means that even if you don't have a prostate, you can still enjoy anal sex. Myth=busted.
So there I was, 22 years old, and sort of kind of maybe curious about anal sex. Was I ready? Possibly. More than anything, I was dying to know if it felt as good as everyone said.
My partner and I had been seeing each other for about four months at that time. We felt comfortable with each other, I trusted him, and our sex was tremendous. And one night, after a particularly satisfying tryst in the sheets, I asked if he'd ever tried anal sex before.
He was sort of quiet for a moment, looking at me with a curious expression. "Sure," he said finally. "Once or twice."
"I was just wondering," I said, my cheeks a deep crimson and my brain panicking, thinking I'd totally scared him off with my question. "Never mind."
"No, it's OK. Sorry, I just wasn't expecting that question from you."
He smiled a little. "Well, no offense, but you don't seem the type to be curious about anal."
Was that a compliment or an insult? I couldn't tell.
"Well," I said slowly, carefully, "I am."
"Oh." The smile widened. "Really?"
"Yeah. Is that something...you'd be interested in doing with me?"
His arms snaked around my naked body, pulling me close to his. He nuzzled his face into my neck. "Of course I would."
That night, we tried it for the first time. And just like a lot of trial runs, it did not go so well. We really weren't prepared. To be fair, I had just sort of sprung it on him and hoped it would all go perfectly, just like I'd read. But that was not the case.
We were having sex doggy style, and it was amazing. And I think we both got a little caught up in it all. When he leaned down and put his mouth to my ear, and asked, "Wanna try it?" Silly me, I said, "Yes."
Like I said, we weren't prepared. He used his fingers first, wetting one with his mouth and then slowly pushing it inside my ass while he was still penetrating my vagina. It hurt, but I was expecting that. Plus, the pain wasn't that bad. So when he asked if he should continue, again I said, "Yes."
His finger left and was replaced by something much bigger. To his credit, he was sort of limited on lubrication. He did his best to use my own arousal fluid to lube himself up, but looking back, this just wasn't going to cut it.
He pushed the head inside and I made a noise that made him freeze completely.
"Should I keep going?" He asked, stuck with only the head of his cock inside of me.
I couldn't answer. I was cringing so bad, my body fighting against this alien intruder. I was tense, I was scared, but I was determined to do this. So foolishly I told him to keep going. And he did.
This time he pushed his entire cock inside. I felt like I was being burned. And honestly, guys, it wasn't just the pain that was putting me off. My fears of "everything that could go wrong" were coming flying back to my head.
Let me put it this way, so you all understand. Your entire life, your anus has only done one thing: push excrement OUT. That's what those muscles are used to, and what you're used to.
Now, you've suddenly got something going INSIDE your anus. And it's weird. It's so weird. Because your whole life, those contracting muscles mean you're making a bowel movement. But now, even though you know you aren't doing that, it's the same sensation and... Basically, my body was rejecting his cock and the whole thing felt like I was taking a shit.
Not to mention, it hurt. A lot.
My hand started swatting blindly behind me, trying to push him away as I told him to stop. It was just too much. Trial one was an absolute failure.
And it hurt to poop for the next week or so.
Fast-forward two months. We hadn't tried anal again since the last attempt. I think both of us were a little worried to even attempt it again just because of how badly it went. Personally, I felt put-off by the whole thing. I felt like those women online had betrayed me. No, it certainly was not the orgasmic, explosive experience they all made it out to be. And I had zero intentions on trying it again.
But then one night, when my partner and I were watching a movie, he mentioned that he'd bought some lube.
"Really?" I asked, my face certainly betraying my unease. "I kind of wasn't thinking I'd try it again."
"We don't have to if you don't want to," he reassured me. "But I mean, I think part of why it didn't go so well before was because we really weren't ready, you know? It takes some preparation."
I hesitated, chewing on his words and wondering if it was even worth trying again. I knew he was right—we'd just sort of jumped into anal sex without actually easing ourselves into it. Plus, the lube would definitely help things.
"Do you have it with you?" I asked finally. "The lube?"
"Yeah. But seriously, don't feel any pressure. I brought it just in case."
I didn't feel pressured, but I did feel that curiosity creeping back again. How would it feel this time with lube and a bit more preparation? Would it change my life, like all those women said?
We agreed to try it again that night. First we had sex like we normally did, but with a few twists. While I was on top, he lubed up his fingers and reached around my body, slowly inching one finger inside my anus. I had that same alien sensation as I did before, but it was slightly better this time. It didn't feel nearly as tight or as uncomfortable. And since he was still inside my vagina, I could relax a little and let myself get used to his fingers, knowing his cock wasn't going to suddenly penetrate me.
Later, we were spooning naked on the bed, and decided we felt ready to try again. Just like before, he used his fingers first, this time using two to stretch me out a bit. We took our time. He waited until I was absolutely ready and comfortable before he applied lube to both his cock and his anus. Then he slowly, very slowly pushed himself inside of me.
I won't lie, it definitely hurt again. I could feel my body tightening up just like last time, resisting him and fighting back. I really had to force myself to relax because those muscles inside of my anus needed to relax too.
Eventually, my body loosened up and I felt myself calming down a bit. The moment this happened, I noticed a huge difference in the pain. It started to recede significantly.
My partner stayed still once he was fully inside, giving me ample time to adjust. It wasn't until I told him to start moving (albeit, slowly) that he started thrusting his hips.
That, dear reader, is when my life changed.
While I still had some slight twinges of pain, I couldn't ignore the pleasurable sensations that were there, too. It started to feel really good. Better than really good. It started to feel amazing.
Eventually, we rolled over so I was on my belly with my ass raised a little, and he was on his knees behind me. This way he could control his thrusts better, and he could start going a little faster.
I swear, my eyes were rolling back into my head. I never imagined it would feel THAT good.
The only way I can describe it is that it was like an orgasm without the buildup. It was just suddenly pleasure, lots of pleasure, so much so that I felt like I might pass out.
Don't believe me? I came. Twice.
Here's what I think you should take away from this story. Firstly, it's OK to be scared of what's foreign to you. Anal sex, as a concept, is absolutely terrifying. It's intrusive and, historically, painful. But you also shouldn't let this stop you from trying it if you are genuinely curious.
Second, make sure you're with someone you absolutely 100% trust. I wouldn't have tried this with just anyone. I knew my partner would be patient with me and would take his time. I also knew he would go above and beyond to make sure it was as painless as possible.
Third, prepare. I cannot stress this enough. Plan ahead. That way you can be sure you've emptied your bowels and you've bought the right lubrication (and lots of it). There are some drugstore douching kits you can buy, if you're absolutely terrified of having an accident or not being entirely clean back there. I personally haven't tried these, nor do I think I will. But that's always an option for you.
Lastly, relax. I know it sounds hard, and believe me, it can be difficult to do, but you have to relax while you're trying it. If those muscles in your anus are tight, the experience will be significantly less enjoyable for you. Take your time, let your body adjust, and only continue once you feel you've relaxed enough to enjoy yourself.
Anal sex is terrifying, but it's also a fascinating and, if done right, an immensely pleasurable experience. You only live once, and I'm happy I tried it.
Now, do I feel the same as the ladies who say they can "never go back to vaginal intercourse again"? Not a chance. But I definitely think anal sex is something I'll continue trying in the future.
Because oh my God, that orgasm. That's all I can really say about it, guys. That orgasm.