La Luna

NOT THE ACTUAL EVENTS

If I were a comedian telling you the story about how my daughter, Jamie, was conceived, I would tell you it started out by me asking my friend to a concert, but I don’t do it funny. We were a couple of nineteen-year-olds at Portland State University. I was studying Liberal Arts, and Sadie was there for a Business Degree. She wanted to sell clothes up on NW23rd where the fashion district was flourishing. This was way before that area became a landfill of Korean nail salons, porn mongers, and pretentious tattoo shops. Heroin junkies and homeless apparitions still hovered on the south end of the bridges, so uptown was about as nice as it got.

I’d been a fan of Nine Inch Nails since my brother got their first tape from Columbia House, back when they sent you like ten tapes for ten cents or some scam like that. Yeah, man, Pretty Hate Machine changed my life. It was darker than Depeche Mode and harder than Gary Numan. They called it Industrial, a far cry from modern pop and just as heavy as hard rock. You could dance to it, fight to it, and fuck to it.

I was an avid reader of the Willamette Weekly. How else would I hear about shows? The paper? Mark and I had just missed a good show the week before, so I needed a good concert. I called the box office and found I could get two tickets easily. I went down and got them and asked Troy to go with me. He was going out of town, so I called Sadie, a girl I’d met up with at a party. We’d continued bumping into each other at her work and around campus.

The tape picked up. Fuck! I hadn’t seen her at the coffee joint where she worked on Monday or Tuesday. I didn’t even have a machine in my dorm.

I had a roommate who stayed up all night on gas station uppers or cocaine, depending on how much money his parents sent him. Mark was a computer science major. I should have probably taken those classes too, but I never expected I would be writing this story on a tablet with a keyboard.

On Wednesday night at 8pm, she knocked on my door.

“I’m so sorry! I didn’t know I would have to go out of town like that. I had to get my birth control renewed,” she said, rushing into the room carrying a backpack.

“Sadie, awesome! The concert is tomorrow night, so we have time to hang out and pregame this thing. I’m not going to class tomorrow. Are you?”

“I was really hoping you’d say that. I brought some Special K.”

“No way, really? Fuck, that’s cool. I was thinking we’d just have these yellow jackets for a nice trip and weed to chill afterward. You thought of everything.”

After a few bumps of K, I played Pretty Hate Machine for a particular frame of mind. When Ringfinger came on, she swayed around the room with her hands in the air and rocked her hips. She danced over and took my shirt off and left bruises with her mouth up and down my stomach and chest. She rubbed her covered breasts into my chest but soon lost her shirt and bra on the ground at our feet. She put her back to my chest and put my hand on her perky tits. She took my fingers and made sure her nipples were hard and pointy knots. When they were nice and pinched, she giggled like she had a new toy.

“K gets me so horny, Mitch.”

“I see. I like the way it makes me feel too, like I’m floating.”

The CD changer moved in a vulgar drone, and we could hear the slow grind. By the time gravity and ketamine had taken over, we were sitting on my bed, exploring each other’s bodies. Her hands were deep in my jeans and my zipper was ready to bust. She was wearing pajama bottoms, so I could easily slip my fingers down there. We were laying on our sides, kissing, and drinking each other’s wet lips when the K kicked into overdrive.

“I can’t do it unless you’ve got rubbers. It’s just that, it’s been a bit since I was on the pill and I need to wait a while. But we are going to get pretty fucking wild,” she whispered to me.

I cursed myself for not thinking of it, and I looked around at Mark’s effects. Maybe he’s got one? No, it’s Mark. He’s not getting sex unless it’s with his hand and computer monitor. I came back to the bed and lay beside her. She climbed on top of me and ground her hips into mine as we kissed. Unzipping my pants and pulling my cock out, she rubbed her cotton pajama crotch on me, leaving a trail of sticky. She rose up and grazed her nipple across my mouth and nose, and I licked it whenever I got the chance. I latched on and held her close when I could.

By the time Physical (You’re so) came on, her pajamas and panties were on the bed beside us, and she was sitting on my face, rocking back and forth with only my cock in her hand behind her.

My roommate woke up to her moans, and she only halfway covered up and slipped down my lips to lay beside me, her wetness leaving a trail that my fingers quickly followed to finish the job.

She stayed with me that night and slept naked with her leg over my waist. Her wet snatch still oozed honey and spit on my leg as I listened to her breathe all night. It was a defining moment; we’d made out before, but this was unquestionably the first time we’d gone this hard. I really adored her, and I hoped she felt the same. The room was moving by then, so I was really hoping it wasn’t the drugs making me feel that way about her.

Mark had gotten off his bed and was back at his little desk, typing away. I think he was on a message board trying to find someone to come with. He wasn’t picky. Sadie whispered and sang Tori Amos’ Precious Things to me. I was surprised she was still conscious. She pointed a jagged finger in the darkness at Mark and showed me that he was jerking it to a jpeg file.

She wrapped her hand around my well and started pumping the handle. I couldn’t let her do all that without recompense, so I slid my fingers onto her pussy. It was still damp from earlier. I explored her lips and played with her little pink pearl. I loved how she moved under my digits as my hips thrust into her fingers.

We spent the next little while enjoying each other and kissing and stimulating each other's necklines. I’m not sure either of us climaxed, but the K had made it so dreamy and we felt so good to each other. I don’t remember falling asleep with her warm body up against mine.

I woke up to the smell of coffee. It was 4pm. I ran down to the cafeteria on campus to see what was still there but only found some old pizza rolls and ham & cheese hot pockets. So instead, I went to 7/11 for snacks and a couple of Slurpees. When I got back to the dorm, Mark was gone and Sadie was in our shower. I peeked inside and held the straw up for her. She took it in her mouth.

“So good, thanks!” She pulled the plastic curtain back, leaving nothing to the imagination. I saw the water splashing off her slender body and the shiny wetness on the panther tattoo on her ass cheek. She still had some shampoo in her hair, and the spots of soap that concealed her were in the most perfect places, painting a wonderful portrait.

“I hoped you’d like the cherry coke mix. I got mine that way too. I also got some powdered donuts.”

“You think Mark has any cocaine?” Sadie asked.

“I’m sure he does, but I don’t know where to look.”

I started to search around his things and found a small baggie in his boots. I set aside a couple of lines on his little mirror and waited patiently for her to come out.

“I only found this small towel. Did you have a bigger one?”

I shrug my shoulders.

“I’ve never seen that towel. Mine are in my basket over here.” We both laughed, and I waved her over. I kissed her on her lips and neck and showed her the snacks and the lines.

“We should save that for the show. Let’s get some sugar.”

I grabbed her ass and kissed her neck again, and she leaned in and hummed and then pushed me back. “I meant the donuts. Where are they?”

I reached for the bag, opened it, and handed it over. After I put the cocaine away, we sat on my bed and took a few each, trying not to get a brain freeze.

“Do you think there will be much of a line?” she said, putting a donut in her mouth.

“I have no idea. It’s La Luna, so maybe we should get in the neighborhood and wait and see.”

“Doesn’t it start at 8?” She asked, grinning with powder on her lips.

“Yeah, I figured we might hit up a burger place during whatever the Jim Rose Circus is or something on the way. I’ll be strapped after that,” I replied. I reached over and touched the powdered sugar on her face. She leaned her head down on my hand.

“We’ve got some time to play a little before we have to go, and I just showered,” she said, lowering the towel to show me her perky tits.

“Yeah, I guess you did.” I reached over for another kiss, but she pressed my head into her opening lap. She smelled like my bar of soap and the White Rain my mom sent in a box last time I was home. She spread herself wide and slowly closed her legs around my head. I found every fold and crevice in her lovely passion slit, and I wanted it to be mine forever. I pulled back a sec and put some music on. I fed while the music played over the speakers.

“What is this?” she asked.

I licked her more, and she leaned back as I began to slide my fingers into her. I reached up to her naked nipples and pinched and twisted until she was putty in my hands. After she came for me, I stripped down and got in the shower myself. A few minutes later, she joined me there and took care of me with her soft, warm mouth. She came at me with the same vigor I gave her and, at some point, I had the idea to pour more shampoo in her hair to rewash it. It was quite easy to rinse the soap out of her hair with her mouth around my cock. I’d always wanted to do that, and she didn’t seem to mind.

We got ready, me in my army combat boots, black jeans, black, leather belt, and a black Joy Division t-shirt I found up on Burnside. I painted my eyes with eyeshadow and wore my black, leather jacket over a hoodie because of the April rains. She put on her black skirt and white tank top from her backpack and a jacket. She whitewashed her skin and applied black lipstick and eyeshadow. She spiked her hair. After we finished, we both took three yellow-jackets and finished the rest of our Slurpees.

The walk to the bus line was a blur. Both of us were doing crazy shit but trying to stay under an awning somewhere. The rain wasn’t actually all that bad, but neither of us wanted our makeup or hair to melt. By the time we got to the South side, we were ready to eat a burger and share some fries. We got to La Luna as Jim Rose Circus was getting their set really started. We pressed our way to the middle of the floor and enjoyed the nudity and wild violence as some guy (The Amazing Mr. Lifto) was hanging a cinder block from his pierced cock. We both thought it was weird, but we laughed about it. She sprung for drinks. It was easy to get drinks if you had a great set of tits.

The lights went out, and some guttural voice came on the speakers. When Manson took the stage, a guy bumped right into me, and I spilled my beer on Sadie. I wasn’t as pissed as she was and, when she gave me that look, I punched the guy so hard in the mouth. A fight broke out, but no one could really see if the hit came from the pit or not, so we were safe in the crowd. He never saw who hit him. Cake and Sodomy blasted from the speakers and people were frothing with violence, screaming they were the God of Fuck! I would have been lying if I said we didn’t use our boots on some shins. We were having so much fun together. She looked over at me, grabbed me, and pulled me in for a kiss.

She screamed into my ear, “Thanks for asking me to do this! You’re the best!” We danced for a few songs before we started to come down. We walked towards the back and found a spot to rest. She held my hand the whole time, turning back to look into my eyes as we walked a few times. I wondered how I’d gotten so lucky that she liked me.

The music still blared, and she asked if I still had that coke from earlier. I winked and smiled. We scooted off the seats and scurried into a bathroom stall. We found an unused stall and lined the coke on the thin cover of the toilet paper dispenser. We carefully snorted the lines, and she pulled her top off. She took the rest of the little bag and poured the little dust onto her chest. She grabbed the back of my head and pressed me deeply between her breasts, and I kissed and licked it from her. I had some on my lips and face. She noticed it and cleaned me off with her tongue. She left her shirt behind and only had a red bra on as we went back to the blacked-out concert hall. She was very handsy by then and wouldn’t let my hands go. She placed them around her waist and hips and looked into my eyes a lot. She kissed my neck and face when she got the chance.

“I’m so horny right now,” she yelled over the introductory house music.

“No kidding. I couldn’t tell,” I replied.

“Yeah, remember what I said earlier?”

“About birth control?”

“Yeah, that!”

“Okay, what about it?”

“I’m gonna fuck your brains out tonight when we get home,” she said, grinding my knee to the house music.

We were having such a good time exploring our bodies when the lights came on, and Chris got behind the drums and tightened a snare. The room was still packed but looser and able to be traversed to the front after such a frothy mess of Manson fans. The floor was strewn with broken glass and beer. We made it to the front as soon as the light show started and the smoke blasted.

The incredible sound effects of Terrible Lie tore into our skulls. The cocaine was really hitting us as we screamed the lyrics back at Trent. She still wouldn’t let me release her as she ground and danced against me and the bar in front of the stage. By the time Sin was playing, we were really just dancing to the club sounds and having a great time. When the song was ending, Trent screamed at the crowd and threw water on us. You could tell he was in a zone and ready to destroy us with the next song.

Chris started playing March of the Pigs and the crowd went absolutely bat-shit crazy. People are smashing into us, kicking and flying overhead, and crashing into the ground as security tried to catch them. It all went by in a blur and, when the song stopped, Trent was already at a keyboard, slowing the crowd’s hearts to enjoy the ballad he was playing. Midway through the song, Sadie turned to me and kissed me so deeply and passionately that I wanted to consume her. She was becoming what I could have against the song that denied me of such. She just wouldn’t let go of me and I was praying, hoping that it wasn’t the drugs talking. But I could tell by her hunger that it might not be. She just wouldn’t let go, and I knew I could be in love with her.

The lights went black. The song was over. I thought it had just started. Did time just stop? The whining of some keyboard was playing, a steady drum beat like the heart of some great dragon.

FURTHER DOWN THE SPIRAL

Bump, tap, bump, tap, bump, tap.

The mob stirred like an aphrodisiac had been dropped in the crowd. The smoke and disco in the air had drenched our souls. The sweat and pheromones in the air made everyone in heat and ready. Sadie was no longer in control, and neither was I. She was definitely grinding my leg. My zipper was tight, and I had started to rub in against her ass. That only made her grind harder, pumping into my dick.

She reached up and wrapped her hands around my neck as I stood behind her. She brought my face to her neck and under her hairline. I could smell the sweat and shampoo blending together with the smoke from the machines. It was ramping me up, and I was about to bust when she reached down and unzipped my pants without missing a beat from the heartbeat of the concert.

Literally everyone in the concert hall was kissing or grinding against someone next to them while people floated on hands toward the front. Robin was playing guitar right in front of us. Sadie's panties came off and landed on his guitar neck. He smiled, put them over by his amp, and looked over at Sadie. She blushed as she slid my cocaine-riddled cock inside her. I quaked as I finally got inside her. It felt so good. I’d had my mouth on this flower for the last twenty-four hours and my fingers deep, but this was purely a drug I could never stop using. I must have been so turned on that it didn’t take me very long, and she was just pumping into me as hard as she could to every bump in the song. I saw Robin walk over to Trent at one point as he came over right in front of us. I was deep inside her and her breasts were out and her nipples were so hard and he screamed, “I WANT TO FUCK YOU LIKE AN ANIMAL!” I could feel her lurch back on me like her release was happening through his magical mania and the bump of the speakers. That bump. As her pussy called on my dick to fill it, it called back to her, “I’ll give you everything I have.”

My vision went black for a second as I released my lust into her. She had my neck held like chains in her fingers. Her nails clawed into my skin. I didn’t even realize how hard I had been sucking on the back of her neck until I saw the red bruise and teeth marks. They played Reptile next, another hypersexual song, but halfway through it, Sadie was pulled up onto the stage by someone I recognized from the earlier band. Twiggy Ramirez—or how he is known now, Jeordie White—had grabbed her and pulled her up. He walked her backstage. I was a little worried we were getting kicked out for the lewd behavior, but how the fuck were we supposed to know? We weren’t the only ones fucking. He came back and pulled me back too. I was able to sit with Sadie off to the side of the stage and watch as the crowd went banger during Wish, a song that always incited a riot.

“We watched you guys from back here. That was hot,” Twiggy said. “You guys just got yourselves backstage after the show.” He handed us a couple of beers and lit a joint.

By the time they played Head Like A Hole, we were exhausted but managed to stay upright on the side stage. But even that got a little crazy. There’s a reason that song is still played at the end of every show.

Being hyped up, bruised, bucked, and fucked in the crowd, Twiggy’s joint was a welcome toke. After the show ended, Nine Inch Nails walked by us. Robin shook our hands.

“Thanks for coming out!” he called, handing Sadie back her panties.

“Ha! Well, I did come, but the show was fucking rad too.”

“I was going to keep them,” he smiled, walking over to Trent.

“You can!” she giggled.

“Sick. Hey, Trent, come meet the fuckers.”

Trent drank from a water bottle and tossed it off stage.

“You guys just went for it, huh?” He reached over and hugged Sadie.

“I guess so,” I replied while he shook my hand.

“That was so wild. You really made a scene back there,” he nasally snickered. It was kind of weird meeting my hero musically and finding him to be just kind of a quiet, shy guy away from the stage.

“I think the guys are going to party in Portland tonight,” Trent said, waving goodbye.

One of the stage guys came over and looked me in the eyes. “Marilyn wants to meet you guys.”

Trent stopped in his tracks, turned on his heels, and said, “Yeah, don’t do that.” He shook his head. He looked at the roadie and told him, “Take them over to the merchant table. Give them whatever they want. I’ll sign it.”

Sadie went wide eyed and looked at me. Trent went wherever he was going, and Sadie looked at me again.

“What do you think? Should we go see Marilyn or just go grab the stuff?”

“You know what they say about meeting your heroes,” I responded, heading to the merch booth.

“No, what?”

“Don’t have an orgy with them,” I responded, stepping over a drunk guy.

“I wasn’t going to do that. It would have been fun though, right?”

“Fucking Marilyn Manson? I guess. The guy looked like he hadn’t bathed in a week.”

“I’m sure that was probably make-up.”

“Yeah, maybe. It was nice of Twiggy to give us that joint.”

“He looked out of it too, didn't he?

“Wasn’t he? I think that’s just their thing. To look like dead zombies,” I answered climbing over a pile of “dead bodies” and lost shoes.

“I really can’t believe we fucked in the front row,” she said.

“I can’t believe we fucked at all, to be quite honest. You and your lack of pill and my lack of rubber for the road.”

“You say some dumb shit sometimes. Must be the drugs.”

“I can only hope.”

After we got to the merch booth, we both grabbed a tour shirt and a band photo. I still have that t-shirt somewhere. As promised, the road hand took us back to Trent. He was getting out of the shower in his tour bus and just wearing black Hanes. I grinned to myself. I wear that same brand. And to think, she wanted to fuck Marilyn Manson.

“You guys want to come in and hang out? I got beers or wine. Whatever you want. I ordered some food. Should be here in a while,” Trent said.

I looked sideways at Sadie to see her response, but she’d already gone to the couch to sit down. Someone handed us beers, and I shrugged. Trent reached for our pictures and asked me what else I listened to.

“I also listen to Depeche Mode some. Joy Division, Jane’s Addiction too.”

“Oh yeah, Perry’s a great guy. So, kind. I got a huge bump playing Lollapalooza, you know? Great stuff.”

“Couldn’t make it,” I replied. I……am floating right now.

Why does Sadie look fifty feet away in a cave? Am I talking louder, or can they not hear me? I think they can hear me. I’m really hot right now. I need to take my shirt off. What is this music? Is someone being shot? Did someone miss their shot? Hey man, nice gun? Have fun? Is that what … Something is wrong.

“CAN I TAKE MY SHIRT OFF!?”

Trent laughed and looked at Sadie. “Yeah, man, you can take your shirt off.”

Sadie looked at me like I was an insane person. “Put your shirt back on. You’re really embarrassing me right now.” ?taht ekil dnuos ehs seod yhW

I reply by taking off my shirt. I can see them talking and looking at me but, for the life of me, are they?

I can’t tell anymore if I’m in the room with them or if they are in the room with me. !!!!!!!!!!!

Sadie’s head was miles away. I could see her eyes like they were in my face, but her jaw was full of cock.

Is that cock? My cock feels good. The word cock is a chicken. Cock chicken.

There were bright lights, like, you know when the Millennium Falcon jumps into Hyperspace? But with laughter in the background and no wookies hitting anything. Only pleasure.

“What time is it?” My mouth moved, but I’m not too sure words came out. I could see my mouth. Was that my mouth?

We were walking down a hallway for what seemed like two and a half hours.

“Do you remember the old couple?”

“They balked at uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuus!”

Around me, the room was sweltering in bodies and music.

The lust in the air was as thick as breast milk and blood.

A bump of hair hit my chest, and I looked down. It was a woman, and she was ridiculously hot. Not Portland hot. LA hot. I felt the cold of a liquid poured on my chest and another head biting my nipple. The heads fought for the red liquid. Must be blood. I’m covered in blood. Nope. Just wine.

I’m not dying.

Am I dying?

Blood is warm, this is wine, God damn it. Another finger touched my nose, and a tiny spoon was held under it. I snorted and was kissed by… is that scruff? Did a dude just kiss me?

LET THE PORNO MOVIE BEGIN

I am wide awake and fucking her hips from behind. Her mouth is around someone. Someone is underneath her. Someone’s arms are around my waist, helping me thrust. Another mouth is biting my ass. Someone else’s mouth is in mine. We are a moving pile of flesh on a circular spinning bed and the music is so loud, so loud, so loud, soooooooooooooo loooooooooouuuuuud, that I’m not even sure it’s music anymore. Maybe alarms, maybe sirens, maybe my own moans, maybe just the white noise in my ear. Laughing. I’m still thrusting into the bottomless maw of pussy and degradation. I have an audience, and I’m enjoying it. It’s like the entire room is a never-ending circle of faces. Faces laughing, faces in contemplation, faces concentrating. I can hear laughing.

I woke up in a bed in a hotel room with no idea of how I got there. Not a clue of what time it was or where my clothes were. Sadie was beside me, radiant despite being a little hung over. I stood with my hands over my eyes and walked to the window. Yeah, I was in a hotel room downtown. Across the bridge from where we were yesterday. We’d traveled sometime in the night.

“Sadie, hey, baby, wake up.”

“Whatever time it is, it is not time to wake up.”

I looked around for an alarm clock and found one on the floor between the bedside table and the frame. 2pm. We are way past any wake up calls.

A knock came from the door. “Cleaning sir. We’ve been here a few times already. We need to get in here.”

“Shit! Sadie, we gotta get moving. The cleaning service is here.”

Sadie let out a sigh and swung her legs over the side of the bed and got up.

“I think they left our clothes in the bathroom.”

“Who left our clothes in the bathroom?”

“The merch guy.”

“Did we?”

“We did at the concert. I think we did after too.”

“Oh, that’s—”

“Let’s just go.”

We both sprang into our clothes. We smelled of booze. I definitely had wine poured down my chest. Who does that?

“What the shit?”

“What is it? What’s wrong?” she asked me.

“Someone pierced my nipple. I thought I remembered someone biting me, and I remember it hurting,” I said, looking at the red and raw ring. I finished with my boots, and we opened the door. No one was around, so we grabbed hands and took off. We went down the stairs outside in a matter of moments. We weren’t even that far from the dorm. We just held hands on the way back. We stopped by her work and grabbed a couple cups of coffee.

We stepped into my empty dorm room. Mark wasn’t there. We just started losing clothes immediately and turned on the hot water of the shower. We waited just a moment, looking at each other. She grinned a little. I did too. Then we both chuckled and laughed. I opened the little curtain, and we got in. After a few minutes of standing there in the steam, I used the rag and washed her back. Our bodies got closer slowly.

My mouth was close to her neck. Hers next to my chest.

I dropped the rag.

I grabbed at her face like a cat catching a mouse, and she reacted the same way. We were ravaged and hungry for each other after the night’s events. We pushed our way into the wall, leaning in and sliding down, entwined in each other. We reached and found parts of ourselves we’d never seen, touched, or experienced before that morning. And that’s when the water froze us out.

We didn’t waste any time drying off. We just got into my bed and dried off with the sheets. Her tongue licked my wet face, and I held her close to me for warmth. The rules of yesterday no longer applied.

We moved on each other, trading top and bottom so often on the single mattress, throwing caution and being reckless. So God damn reckless. I kept at it and in it. She thrust into me just as hard. There was no rhyme there. We weren’t making a song with any real structure. We were two jazz musicians, tuned up and tone deaf, wild on emotions and pheromones.

I felt her legs start to quake, and I knew I was destined to come as well. Our mouths never left each other. She wrapped her legs around me, not releasing me. I was trapped in her pussy.

The next couple of weeks were a blur. I stopped seeing her around campus, and I never saw her at work anymore either. That was how it was back then. When they moved, the phone disconnected. All I knew was that she was from northern California somewhere, and I was from LA, and we both went to PSU at the same time in 1994.