Kiss and Tell The World

Why are we afraid to talk about sex?

• How many people have you slept with?
• Where's the weirdest place you've had sex?
• What's your dirtiest sexual fantasy?
• When was the last time you had an STD Check?

These questions should be mandatory before going to bed with anyone. Yet so many people never ask anything. These are questions you’d think everyone would be comfortable asking a sex partner, right? They’re not!

Many people assume it’ll be off putting, or they will be judged. But why?

Well, here’s a personal tale...

I was laying there in the motel room ready to give him all of me when I realized. The only thing he was going to do to get me warm to his touch was offer of a massage. I declined because who’s got the time, right? and we went straight into the act. No mention of STD’s or what I wanted in bed. Just a horny horn dog ready to get it on. And you know what happened after? I was disappointed with the sex. Thought it was rushed. And left sexually unsatisfied. But this isn’t something new. Many women and men have this experience every day. And because we never talked about STDs, I might have taken one home that night.

So, What’s the Catch?

I know what you’re thinking. Why would you ask all those important questions right before having sex anyway? Shouldn’t you have talked about what makes you horny before getting that far into the act? Shouldn’t you have talked about STDs while you had time to actually talk about it? And you’re right! I should have. But why didn’t I?

The Conclusion...

Talking about those important things is necessary. But I do believe there is a time and a place to do so. Like many people in this new found “hookup culture” talking about sex kills it. How do you ask someone you just met when the last time they had an STD checkup was? It's an awkward and risky conversation. What if they don’t like me afterwards? What if I don’t get laid tonight because I wanted to be more informed? What if they judge me?

Well, I'm here to tell you that talking about sex before having sex shouldn't be a bad thing and It’s not! Even if you’re doing the hookup thing. Still take the time to ask a couple of important questions before getting busy. We as a society love to dictate what’s socially acceptable and what isn’t. But that doesn’t mean we always get it right. Step into your power and do what you know will be best for you! Even if society doesn’t agree!

So why don’t people talk about...

1. What gets them off
2. What kind of sexual protection they are on, or want to use
3. When the last time they had a STD checkup was

It's the stigma we put on people who ask those questions. Many people say things like. Why would you talk about stuff like that? Or that’s going to make them mad. Sure, it can make them mad. But think about this. Do you want to have sex with someone who gets mad that you asked them... Are you a selfish lover? Or when did you last get a STD checkup. I sure wouldn’t, and you shouldn't either. When you make it your priority to talk about the things that’s most important to you before having sex. You get more comfortable each time.

So Here’s some tips on things you can do to make asking sexual related questions easier for yourself.

#1 Don’t ask right before a sexual act. It may make your partner feel rushed. And someone is more likely to lie when they feel rushed to answer personal and potentially sensitive questions. And don’t forget that you’re more likely to believe anything they say in the heat of the moment. Give yourself time to detect a lie.

#2 Come prepared! Make a list of questions you’d like to ask a potential sex partner before talking about sex. Memorize some or all of those questions. That way when you are in a situation where you may need to ask those questions, you already have some on hand.

Super tip! Write them down in your phone to use whenever you need them. There are plenty of notepad apps available on Google Play and the Apple App Store.

#3 Be Kind. This may be a no brainer to some. But don’t be rude. If you are going to ask very sensitive and personal questions, make sure your delivery is serious but don’t make it an interrogation session. This can lead to the person you’re talking feeling as if you are being mean, or trying to divulge "private" information from them. This also makes someone more likely to lie.

#4 Pick a good time and a private place. It’s best not to ask these questions while you are somewhere public. Take time if you can, and schedule a time to meet them somewhere private or intimate. This will help them to feel more comfortable and lessen the chance of them feeling the need to lie to you.

In the end

When you ask someone about their sexual history, they're sexual fantasies, or their sexual status. This can ensures that you as a person can make a better, more informed decision about who you are choosing to sleep with. And, whether or not you feel safe with that sexual partner. Leading to more satisfying and gratifying sex while also giving you peace of mind about your partner in crime. Don’t be afraid to break the mold. Do what’s best for the both of you.