It's Just Sex

by [email protected] about a month ago in humanity

Even Educated Fleas Do It

It's Just Sex

This is a word that I've been called quite often in my few short years as an adult and unlike most people it never really bugged me. Now, I can't say that I fully agree with Mr. Webster's definition, mostly because I've always used these two words with the meanings switched. Last time I checked a prostitute was a person who got paid for sex and it sure as fuck didn't have to be a woman! To be honest, I've always thought terms like whore and slut were more relative to the person using them because much like an elementary school bully who's twice the size of everyone else in his class and has a gland problem, it's his way of feeling better about himself by thinking that he is the better person. Bam! You all just got schooled. :)

I think the main reason people like to call me a whore is because I'm never shy when it comes to talking about my sexual encounters. Why should I be? I have nothing to hide and most of my stories are pretty fucking hilarious. I mean, realizing twenty minutes after finishing a planned 5-way sex session that one of the guys who had just been inside me was a guy I had a huge crush on two years before... you can't write that shit! (Oh wait, I just did) Or accidentally slamming my toe in the sliding bathroom door of a hotel room ripping off the toenail but not missing a beat and jumping right back into the white sheets making the entire room look like a set from SVU. Ugh, poor Consuela... As you can see, crazy shit happens to me and I like to talk about it because I just enjoy entertaining people and I of course love being the center of attention.

From what I've noticed the first homos to start shaking their ass in the club when Nicki Minaj raps about "Pussy goin bonkers... Pussy dis, Pussy dat, Pussy thick, Pussy fat..." (actual lyrics) are the same people to stare their judgmental glare at me when I start dancing with a hot guy.

So I guess it's OK when she talks about it but when I go home with the guy you had your eyes on it makes me a whore. But why shouldn't everyone talk about it? Everybody poops, and everybody fucks... just some more than others (on both occasions). And to be honest I'm not even the most promiscuous person I know, I'm just the only one who openly admits it. A few friends of mine use Grindr like it was Angry Birds and bring over two or three guys a day. I only ever get on that piece of trash when I'm bored and want guys to tell me I'm pretty. Besides, out of the 4 guys I've actually met from Grindr one I had already slept with, one I made sure I met in public and made sure he wasn't crazy before I slept with him, the third I ditched after a horrible date, and in my 6 months of "Grinding" I've had only one anonymous (drunken) hookup. Not a bad track record in my opinion. I prefer to get to know a guy at least a little bit before I sleep with him anyway because it makes the sex better and helps avoid that awkward "this isn't working out" in mid-session moment for those times when he's just not performing at my standards. :)

I just can't help but think about this one guy (who's name I won't actually use because believe it or not I'm a nice person) who waited until after the third time we fucked (in the same night... it was Valentines Day and therefor needed) to tell me that he was an escort, and as I was leaving his apartment at 8 in the morning to head home for a power nap and a full day of God only knows what he asked me not to tell anyone that we had slept together because he doesn't like his friends to know that he sleeps around... Are you fucking kidding me? They know that you're an escort, right? Mind you, this guy was insanely good in bed (like, top 5 good) but what that statement did was make me realize what horrible self esteem he must have. No one likes to be thought of in a negative way but the more self confidence a person has the less they give a shit about what people have to say about them. At this point I'm basically Honey Badger because I really don't give a shit when people call me slutty. I am what I am, take me or leave me and all those other musical theater cliches. I am confident in myself and my actions and although I have occasional body dysmorphic disorder (what gay man doesn't?) I am generally very happy with myself which is ultimately why I am this open with my sex life and sexual encounters. So to everyone who thinks I'm a whore and ultimately feels like a better person than me because of it... suck on that.

For something of a "final thought" I would like to leave you with a quote I overheard a young man say to a girl who had just told him that she once had a one night stand. Thank you, and good-night. :)

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Read next: Titty Tote Time
[email protected]

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