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I Thought I Was Going To Hell Until I Tried It

A Sex Story

By Unapologetically YouPublished 3 years ago 5 min read
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I thought I was going to hell until I tried it.

I know for one, sex has been an outlet for me to release my stress and feel connected with my partner- literally and figuratively. Sex is one of those things where you just feel like you are in control and nothing matters at that very moment.

My first sexual encounter was when I was 14 years old where I stumbled upon a pornographic video which peaked my interest a lot. Watching this video, I thought “why do schools and churches make sex seem like it’s a bad thing?” As I watched that video, I saw how the two people involved were so happy and enjoying what they were doing at that moment. I started feeling a little tingly and itchy as I continued watching this video and I later on learned that the sensation I was feeling was called being horny.

Hmmm, “horny”... I thought that word was funny because there were no literal horns poking out of my head, but perhaps this was the coined term because church described sex to someone young as myself at the time as the “devil’s deed” which meant that if you did it before you were married you were going straight to hell.

As I look back to that moment, I remember being so scared yet so curious at the same time. Heck! Sex education wasn’t even that big in school. If anything, l learned what a penis and a vagina were and what happened when both come together, but never what being horny felt like or what sex really was about aside from baby making. So, you could imagine how I felt watching that video, thinking it’s the devil’s deed, and possibly getting pregnant if I just so happen to try it... I was scared as fuck!

However, my fear led me to even more curiosity because I wanted to know what that tingly feeling would lead to. I started researching and reading about sex and learned that eventually my tingly feeling would lead to an Orgasm. I wanted to experience that so-called powerful release from your body, so I started experimenting.

This is where I started learning about masturbation. In my head I thought if I didn’t let anyone inside my vagina, I wouldn’t get pregnant and I wouldn’t be doing the devil’s deed, so I’m in the safe zone. Two things off my sin-list: going to hell and getting pregnant.

Masturbation was great for a bit. I had my first orgasm, it felt great, but I wanted more. The more I explored my sexuality, the more I learned about myself and what turned me on.

It was when I turned 15 that I had my first boyfriend. With him, I learned how to French Kiss and we french kissed a lot. I learned about the three Bases with him. Base one was just kissing, base two was touching your breasts and feeling each others body, and base three was where all the dirty work was done. I hit all three bases with this guy except doing the actual deed. I just couldn’t get myself to do it because everytime I thought about it, my mom’s face would cross my mind saying “you’re going to hell”. So, we only did the finger and the blowjob, and occasionally we would rub our bodies together just for feels, but we stop there cause I just couldn’t do it.

Then, I had my second boyfriend and it was the same damn thing. We would hit base 1... 2... and 3, but I couldn’t do it. Even with a condom and all that Jazz, I would end up chickening out because I had that imagery of going to hell again. It was all good though, I still had my fair share of orgasms and I gave decent blowjobs that seemed to make my partner satisfied to say the least.

I soon moved to the US and lived under strict guardianship, so I knew my sexual fantasies were permanently gone. I couldn’t even watch porn because the computer were child-proof. I had no social life cause I was so new to the country I could barely speak proper English, so instead of focusing on sex I had to focus on what my English sounded like.

In college, I gained a few friends and from that circle was where I learned that sex was not a bad thing. In fact, it was good for your health. People in America thrive on sex. I learned that sex was great for your overall well-being. I thought “great! Now I won’t think I’m going to hell, I’m legally an adult, and I don’t think it would harm me if I tried it as long as I take the right safety precautions” but there was one slight issue. I had no boyfriend. I wasn’t the casual sex kinda girl cause I wanted to do my first try with someone that I had a deep connection with(Lmfao that’s the hopeless romantic me talking back then).

Off into the wilderness I went... searching for the perfect person I would have a deep connection with...

Well, that didn’t turn out the way I wanted it to. I finally did it! My first try! At a motel with this ugly and uneducated guy that I thought I had a deep connection with. It was so lousy and boring, I didn’t even orgasm. I was so mad. We tried it again to see if the picture in my head of fireworks and an outer body feeling was going to happen, but again it didn’t. It.was.so.lame.! Needless to say, I ditched the guy and told myself that from this point on, i am going to fuck with whoever I want whenever I want and I don’t care if I have a deep connection with the guy as long as I have a good orgasm.

So off I went, and finally it happened. I slept with this guy who was handsome, established, and was great in bed. The feeling that I was longing to feel after all these years finally happened during a one night stand. It was great. From that night on, i vowed to be in control of every sexual encounter.

This is where I learned about being the dominant one when it comes to sex. I read so much on it that I remember when I first had sex with my partner now, we had sex 15 times the first night. I was so exhausted, but happy and contented. I knew he was the one before we did that, but doing that definitely strengthened my initial thought.

So, if anyone tells you that you’re going to hell for having sex. Honey, just educate yourself and explore! The world is in your hands! Go get those orgasms! Be horny! Be wild! Be free!

humanity
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