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How to Have Your First Time Having Sex?

First Time Sex

By DingfooPublished about a month ago 7 min read

Sex can be many wonderful things: exciting, fun, fulfilling, and rewarding. However, having sex for the first time might also feel a bit intimidating.

It's completely normal to feel nervous or to wonder about how to approach your first time. Many people share these feelings and have questions about their first sexual experience. Understanding more about what to expect can help ensure you have a great first time.

There are a few key points to remember to make your first sexual encounter a positive one. Most importantly, sex should always be consensual. But what does that really mean?

It means that both individuals are eager and fully interested in having sex. If someone says 'no' or 'stop', or feels pressured to do something they don't want to do, then it's not consensual.

It's also normal to feel a mix of nervousness and excitement, or even other emotions. Open communication with your partner is crucial. Good communication often leads to a better overall experience. Tell your partner how you feel emotionally and what you enjoy (or don't) physically. Remember, it's always okay to change your mind. If something doesn’t feel right, you can always stop.

When both people are keen on exploring sex together and communicate openly, the experience can be really enjoyable. So, try to relax, keep a light-hearted attitude, and focus on what feels good for both of you!

Does Sex Hurt the First Time?

"Sex" includes many intimate activities, not just penetration. It's common to wonder if penetration during your first time will cause pain. There's no universal answer to this question. While some people might feel pain or a mix of pain and pleasure, others may not feel any pain at all.

If you're worried about pain during your first sexual experience, there are steps you can take to prepare. Before having penetrative sex with a partner, you might want to explore these sensations by yourself. Use your fingers or a toy to see what feels comfortable. It's also important to talk openly with your partner. Share your concerns and let them know how you feel. Using plenty of lubricant and taking things slowly can also help make the experience more comfortable.

Take your time with foreplay. Allow plenty of time for arousal before moving to penetration. This way, your body has time to prepare for sex and can make the experience more enjoyable.

Remember, if you do feel pain the first time, it doesn't mean it will always be this way. Penetration, whether vaginal or anal, might be uncomfortable at first as your body adapts to new sensations. Over time, as you and your partner learn what works best for both of you, you can increase your pleasure. If at any point you experience pain, it's completely okay to stop.

Do People With Vaginas Always Bleed the First Time?

Not necessarily. While some may bleed the first time they have sex, many do not. Historically, there was a lot of myth surrounding virginity — an outdated and sexist concept. People believed that if a person with a vagina didn't bleed during their first sexual experience, they weren't truly a virgin. This belief was based on the idea that an intact hymen — a thin membrane at the vaginal opening — indicated a lack of prior penetrative sex. If this membrane is intact, it might tear during first-time sex, causing some bleeding.

However, the hymen can tear in other ways too. Activities such as mountain biking, horseback riding, or even solo sex with fingers or toys can cause it to tear. If there is bleeding during first-time sex, it should be minimal. If you experience heavy bleeding or bleeding that doesn't stop, it's important to consult your doctor.

Getting Ready for First-Time Sex

There are several ways to prepare for your first sexual experience to make it enjoyable and memorable.

Firstly, it's beneficial to spend some time exploring your own body. Discover what feels good to you. This way, you can guide your partner to what brings you pleasure. Likewise, they can share what they enjoy, creating a more satisfying experience for both.

Another crucial aspect of sex is safety. Even if it's your or your partner's first time, staying safe is important. For those with vaginas, pregnancy can occur the first time they have sex with someone who has a penis. It's important to discuss birth control options with your partner to prevent unintended pregnancies.

Sexual health is also vital. You can contract a sexually transmitted infection (STI) from a partner. Therefore, planning ahead and using protection, such as condoms, is essential. It's also important to talk about STI testing history with your partner. Getting tested for STIs before having sex for the first time with a new partner can help prevent the spread of infections.

As the moment approaches, here are a few things you can do to prepare:

  • Shower: If you're concerned about body odor or hair, take a warm shower or bath. This will help you feel clean and more relaxed.
  • Eat, but not too much: Don't eat a large meal right before sex. A heavy stomach can be distracting and uncomfortable when you want to focus on the experience.
  • Drink, but not too much: While a drink can help some adults feel more relaxed and in the mood, too much alcohol can be counterproductive. Excessive drinking impairs your ability to become aroused and reach orgasm. It also makes consent impossible because a person under the influence of alcohol or drugs can't give consent to sex.

What to Expect The First Time You Have Sex

First, let's clarify what not to expect: movie scenes. On-screen sex, whether in Hollywood films or adult movies, is often highly unrealistic. In films, lovers might gracefully fall into bed, instantly knowing how to please each other without a word. They then experience simultaneous, spectacular orgasms. Real-life first-time sex usually doesn't happen this way. And that's perfectly fine.

When you're about to have sex for the first time, you might feel a mix of emotions. It's common to be excited, nervous, anxious, and happy all at once. These feelings are completely normal. The most important thing is to be sure that having sex is what you want. Enthusiastic consent is always essential.

First-time sex can often be awkward. Embracing humor and letting go of the need for perfection can make the experience much more enjoyable.

You may encounter many new sensations during your first sexual experience. Communicate with your partner about what feels good. For example, let them know if you enjoy ear nibbles, neck kisses, or slow, deliberate touches. Conversely, also share what you're not enjoying. Stay focused on your own pleasure and avoid worrying about how you think your partner wants you to react. This mindfulness enhances your experience.

Everyone's first sexual experience with a partner is unique. Sometimes, if both partners are enjoying themselves, it can last a long time. Other times, the excitement may lead to a quick orgasm, or perhaps no orgasm at all. These outcomes are all normal. Communication is key. If you and your partner are enjoying it, feel free to continue. But if you're ready to stop for any reason, don't hesitate to say so.

First Time Sex Toy

Sex toys can enhance pleasure, increase excitement, and help achieve climax.

Sex toys aren't only about penetration. For instance, external vibrators are excellent for enhancing foreplay.

Using sex toys can reveal new aspects of your partner's preferences. Watching your partner use their favorite toy can give you insights into how to turn them on. It's also a fun way to explore each other's desires.

How Do I Know if I'm Ready for Sex?

Sex can be a significant milestone for both individuals and couples. Sometimes, it can be challenging to know if you are fully ready. Take time to reflect on your feelings and desires. It's crucial to decide to have sex because you want to, not because of outside pressure. Ensure that you trust your partner and can have open, honest conversations about topics such as birth control, STIs, and what feels good or uncomfortable for you.

There is no specific age that defines when you should have sex. According to a study by the CDC, slightly over half of people have had penetrative sex by the age of 18. However, many do not engage in such activities until later in life. There are numerous reasons why people might wait. They might not feel personally ready, they might not have found a trustworthy partner, or they might prefer to wait for a long-term relationship or marriage before having sex.

In the End...

Almost everyone feels nervous about having sex for the first time. Staying relaxed and present, and keeping communication open, can help make your first time positive and memorable.

You might not discover immediately what works best for you. However, in the context of sex, the real joy lies in the journey. Experimenting and growing with an enthusiastic and caring partner is one of the most rewarding and enjoyable parts of a sexual relationship.

References

  1. 26 Things to Know About Pain and Pleasure During Your First Time. (June 2019). Healthline.
  2. What happens the first time you have sex? (February 2021). Planned Parenthood.
  3. 5 Reasons Why We Need to Ditch The Concept of Virginity For Good. (August 2013). Everyday Feminism.
  4. What Exactly is a Hymen? (December 2008). Our Bodies Ourselves.
  5. Women and Virginity: Preparing for the First Time. (August 2013). Good Therapy.
  6. Birth Control Health Center. (January 2021). WebMD.
  7. Sexually transmitted infections. (June 2019). Office on Women's Health.
  8. Here’s What Happens When You Mix Booze with Sex. (September 2019). Healthline.
  9. Am I Ready For Sex? (May 2020). Teen Health Source.
  10. Over Half of U.S. Teens Have Had Sexual Intercourse by Age 18, New Report Shows. (June 2017). Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.

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    DingfooWritten by Dingfoo

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