How to Climax Together Every Time
Orgasming at the same time is easier than you think.
What’s better than a mind-blowing orgasm? Both of you having mind-blowing orgasms……. together.
Shared orgasm, where both partners climax at the same time is the ultimate holy grail of sex and most us do achieve it at some point or the other. So, we know that, though it is erratic, it is very much doable.
Cosmopolitan says simultaneous orgasms are like the “Bigfoot of sex moves,” and studies have proved that the sexual satisfaction after the shared orgasm can last up to 48 hours resulting in a stronger, healthier, and long-lasting emotional relationship.
That said, shared orgasms are not easy simply because of the orgasm gap. Roughly 75% of men in relationships always have an orgasm with their partner, compared to 30% of women.
Men’s orgasms last around 5–10 seconds (if he’s lucky), women’s orgasms can last 15 seconds or more (much more, if she’s lucky and he’s great). So, considering the facts, the chances of both of you orbiting into orgasmic ecstasy at exactly the same moment is quite difficult.
As sex therapist Vanessa Marin says.
“Most people think that they’re supposed to orgasm at the same time because that’s the only way we see orgasm on TV and in the movies, but orgasm is such a personal process, and we all have unique timelines. If you try to orgasm at the same time, you’re always going to have one person who is trying to hurry up and one person who is trying to slow down. Both partners feel like they’re doing something wrong.”
But it can be done, and the key is slowing yourself down. Men tend to climax more quickly than women, so the best chance of a shared orgasm is to slow yourself down. Simultaneous O is all about relaxing, delaying your orgasm, and understanding hers.
And here are some things you can do to hit the high notes together.
First, figure out what really turns you on both
The 1st step is to find out what really turns you on both and do it together.
Does she like dirty talk? Do you like watching porn together? Does she like a little foreplay to warm her up? does she like a certain toy to turn her on? The possibilities are endless.
The key here is warmup. Any orgasm requires a lot of preparation and shared orgasms require the right amount of foreplay and tinkering to hit you both on the hot spots. And the easiest way to do it is to self-inspect. Find out what turns you on and do it together.
Sometimes mutual masturbation also helps in reaching shared orgasm. Masturbate each other slowly and find out what builds the arousals within both of you.
Remember the key here is to be sexually confident and courageous to experiment with various positions that can align your and your partner’s erogenous zones.
While you are twitching with orgasmic joy, she is moaning with resentment of having been robbed at the last moment.
Sounds familiar? Unfortunately, this is the orgasm gap coming into play.
Women require a lot more attention and, unless tended from start to finish, can halt, or merely trickle away halfway through. Comparatively men of course orgasm faster. The key here is to slow down so that she can also reach her orgasm.
Distract yourself and switch gears. If you find that you are likely to have an orgasm before her, slow down and communicate to her that you need to take a breather or change positions.
The women-on-top position has the best chance to stimulate her vaginal walls. Change the position. Change the pressure. Change the music. Use her vibrator to stimulate her further. Do anything to ensure that the erotic energy builds on slowly and steadily leading to an awesome shared orgasm.
Remember if you are still not able to control, let it go and aim for the shared orgasm the second time around. Most men find that they have much better control the second time around.
Communication is important
Continuous communication during and after sex is very important.
Your partner is not a mind reader so expecting him/her to understand your inner sensation is pure foolishness. Instead, communicate strongly what you are feeling and give pointers to each together to modify the sexplay accordingly. The continuous sync-up with each other is the building block of a healthy sexual relationship.
As Jesse Kahn, director, and sex therapist at the Gender & Sexuality Therapy Collective says.
“If you want to orgasm together, communicating where you are in relation to your orgasm can definitely help. If you’re close, but your partner isn’t, maybe slow down stimulation on your body for a bit while focusing on stimulating your partner’s body, and then return to whatever activities you enjoy that stimulate both of your bodies.”
If he tells you that, he is very close to coming and you are not quite there yet, ask him to slow down. There is nothing selfish about it. It is all about reaching a blissful state of shared joy.
Focus on knowing each other’s pleasure zones and focus on mindfully touching each other. Pay attention to each other and take turns in giving and receiving a lot of orals, foreplays, nibbles and massages in the right areas. Taking turns is necessary for mutually satisfying sexual relationships.
And lastly, do not build unnecessary pressure. You are not racing in the Olympics here. Take your time. Let her take her time also and let the build-up happen slowly till it consumes both of you in the warm afterglow of a shared orgasm. Create a big big bang. It is worth the effort.
As Chloe Thurlow has rightly said.
“An orgasm is like the big bang, the explosion that creates life and makes life worth living.”