How I got into BDSM and what it means to me

by Lena Bailey 7 months ago in fetishes

Very personal

How I got into BDSM and what it means to me

So this a very personal post. There is also a trigger warning in effect for those of you who are triggered by abuse or sexual assault. Also this post is not for those under 18. Let's get started.

So around 5 or 6 years ago. I was just getting out of a relationship where I was sexually assaulted. I was in bad head space, super depressed and once in the span of my healing maybe suicidal. I went back onto dating sites once I started to heal. I started to talk to this guy who was super into kink he mentioned tumblr to me and that's how I found DDLG. I think a DDLG post was the first thing I saw. We talked about that sort of stuff and I even at some point called him daddy. We never really became what I would call "official". I never really understood what was going on at that point but looking back I think I was spiraling. I was trying to grab onto something that made sense. I think finally settled on the idea of being a sub. I don't think this was the safe or healthy thing for me to do at this point. It probably would have been better if I waited another 6 more months.

I wasn't at the point where I could be somebody's sub. I finally got to that point and by that time I was learning a lot and realized a lot about myself. I had issues with giving up control but I soon learned that subs have all the control. We (subs) set up the boundaries and help set up the rules. We have a say in everything that goes on in the relationship. I'm still working on things. I'm still not 100% healed. I still have problems with anxiety and letting go of control.

Within the last few years I realized I was a switch. I think that being able to do stuff to someone and being in the more dominate role was me stepping from giving up control to being the one who the world saw as being in control. Also if I don't want to be touched but I still want to be kinky there are more options for me as a Dom. I don't have to be touched to be a Dom but I can bring someone else pleasure with my Dom side.

This lifestyle is my therapy and I care about this lifestyle. I also care about the people in it, I don't want anything bad to happen to them. I also want them to have a great experience in the lifestyle. This is a part of who I am and I can't imagine my life without it.

I'm in this lifestyle because it gives me a safe space to explore my body and my sexuality. I feel like own my body now. It's also just fun and a huge turn on for me. It's also part of my identity.

Please note that everything I experienced in this lifestyle has not been positive. I have met some great people and done some great things but I have met some awful people and had horrible experiences. I have identified the kink community they have produced most of the problem people but I also know not all people in that community is a problem.

It is because there are some bad people in my local community that I am looking for the kinky group of people. I know I may have to move to align myself with the right crew but if it means I get the right crew it will be worth it to me.

I hope you enjoyed this look into my brain and there will be more to come.

fetishes
Lena Bailey
Lena Bailey
Read next: Titty Tote Time
Lena Bailey

A hot mess with a heart of gold. Kinky, nerdy and maybe part witch

If you have any questions or comments email me, [email protected]

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