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Honest About Anal

by Laura Bruns 4 years ago in advice
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Quick Tips to Make It Easier

Anal sex is one of the "hot new things" in sex right now. For some reason, it has become a huge fad over the past few years and just about everyone wants to try it. However, anal sex isn't talked about much. People joke about it, sure. We talk about, "eating the booty like groceries," but we never actually talk about how to do it. And we never learned about it in sex education, so where are we getting our information? Porn, usually. Porn teaches us to spit on a girl's asshole and go balls deep.

Porn can be awesome for some people, but oftentimes it gives false images of what sex is really like. Porn stars are professionals. They do things because they're being paid to do so. Never ever compare yourself or a lover to something you see in porn. Porn can spark ideas, but it cannot be a guide to sex.

There are some things that are super important to note before we fully get into anal. Anal is not for everyone, AND THAT IS OKAY. If your partner is pressuring you into anal, don't do it and get a new partner, because you should never have to do something you do not want to do. Anal sex can be scary for a lot of people; your feelings are totally valid. You need to be with a partner who respects your feelings. Everything you do with your partner, both of you should be excited and willing to do. Coerced consent is not consent.

So, you're excited and willing to try anal with a partner who feels the same way?! Awesome! Let's keep talking about anal! Your anus has thousands and thousands of sensory receptors, no matter what gender you are. Anal has the potential to be incredibly pleasurable for you if you decide it's your thing!

Prostate owners: this is where your prostate is located! In the booty! Some people orgasm instantly when their prostate is massaged, but others just don't like the feel. Both are completely normal. You won't know until you give it a whirl. If you are interested in massaging your prostate, it is located about two inches inside the anus, curved upward. You can also massage the prostate externally if you decide anal is not for you by firmly massaging the perineum, or the gooch, as my boyfriend insists on calling it.

It's super important to remember what your anus is also used for... Poop travels through, so make sure you clean your anus and any toys or fingers that will be going in your anus, or use a good ole condom. You can pass some nasty bacteria if you aren't careful. Please note that during playtime, you can go from vagina to anus, but never from anus to vagina. There is a lot of bacteria in the anus that we don't want to introduce into the vagina. (Bacterial infection? No thanks...)

Remember that there is no such thing as too much lube when it comes to anal sex. That part of the body does not produce any lubrication, and you typically cannot just take wetness from their vagina and put it on their ass. That's not how this works. Lube it up, people. Invest in a good, quality anal lube so that everything is comfortable and nothing gets sticky or tacky. Sliquid Sassy, Wicked Anal Jelly, System Jo Anal, or Pjur Back Door would all be good choices for anal lube. (Save the Astroglide for your prostate exam; KY is shit; invest in good lube, people.)

This is also an area of the body that you never want to numb. A lot of companies will sell anal numbing cream or gel, but please do not buy it. It is not safe to numb the anus. When your anus feels pain, this is when you know to stop, adjust, etc. If you cannot feel anything, you can rip and tear the muscles, leading to a lot of discomfort, hemorrhoids, or even a trip to your doctor. Many companies, such as Calexotics, Pipedream, Sensuva, and Crazy Girl, all offer anal numbing cream. No bueno, my friends.

The anus is such a unique part of the body. One fun fact about the anus, is that it likes to act as a vacuum. If you put something small in your anus, it will suck it right up. That's how you get your own episode of "Sex Brought Me To The ER." Never, EVER put anything in your butt that doesn't have a handle, some kind of loop, a flared base, whatever you want to call it. Bullets, small vibrators, and things like that are not appropriate to insert inside. You'll notice how all anal toys have some kind of wide base at the end? That's so they don't get lost in the endless vacuum known as your anus. Make sure your toys have a base so they don't get lost in your beautiful booty!!

Toys come in all shapes, sizes, and materials. Butt plugs and anal beads are very unique compared to other sex toys. Some anal toys are weighted, because people like to feel a little extra weight in that area. Some anal toys vibrate. Some are made out of glass, metal, stone, or silicone. Always avoid an anal toy that is made out of jelly. Jelly is a material that contains phthalates, which can cause cancer. Jelly is also incredibly porous and harbors a lot of bacteria, which is the last thing we need in our anus. And last, but not least, jelly is just a shit material. It breaks down very fast, and needs to be replaced every three to four months, typically. When looking for anal toys, stick with something that is non-porous. It will save you so much money in the long run. Chrystalino has beautiful glass butt plugs. B Vibe has awesome weighted silicone butt plugs. Vedo has (in my opinion) the best vibrating anal beads, butt plugs, and prostate massagers, made out of high quality silicone. Anal Fantasy has a little bit of everything, and they're a wonderful place to start.

If you're worried about poop: Some people like to use an enema or anal douche before they engage in anal sex. If you choose to do this, you can find an enema at your local drugstore or sex shop. Fill the cup with lukewarm water, place the tip back on, put some lube on the tip of the enema, and insert the tip in your anus. Squeeze the water into your anal cavity and let it run out. Go ahead and do this in the tub for easy clean up, and keep doing it until the water runs clear. The lube and warm water will relax your anus, helping you to prepare for anal sex, and you'll be cleaning the anal cavity. It is super important that you take care of yourself while engaging in anal sex. Do not starve yourself or take laxatives in preparation for anal. If you're having an off day and your stomach or bowels are upset, maybe skip anal that night. At the end of the day, poop is poop and you move past it. If your partner makes a big deal of it, they shouldn't be having anal sex in the first place.

Stimulation is key when it comes to anal. Make sure that you're excited to be doing this and your body is actually ready. A minute of fingering won't cut it. Take the time to explore the body and remember what foreplay is all about. You want to be properly aroused when you start having anal sex.

If you are going to engage in rimming, or analingus, is not safe to do unprotected. Make sure you use a dental dam. Again, poop passes through this area, and you're putting your mouth on this area... Dental dams are awesome, because they still allow your partner to feel everything you do, and they still allow you to go to town on your partner without picking up any germs.

For a lot of people, the end goal of anal sex is penetration. They want to be penetrated by their partner. When you're working your way up to your partner, compare the girth of your anal toys to the girth of your partner. If your toys are the size of say, a pencil, and your partner is the size of a roll of quarters... You aren't going to be prepared when you're penetrated. You want to be practicing with things that are similar in size to your end goal. Don't waste your time and money on spaghetti noodle plugs that are smaller than your shits. Be realistic and honest with yourself.

The easiest positions for trying anal penetration for the first time include doggy and spooning. Both of these positions allow the person being penetrated to be in control. The person being penetrated can control how much they take, how fast things are going, the position they are in, etc. The person penetrating merely holds on and enjoys the view.

Anal sex can take time. Sometimes it'll take up to an hour, including prep and everything. Time is not the important factor here; what's important is your comfort and pleasure. Make sure to communicate with your partner. Let them know what you like, what you don't like, and whether or not you want to keep going. The key to sex is communication, and lots and lots of lube.


About the author

Laura Bruns

A feminist who writes a lot of shit. I get lonely, so I turn to my pen and paper.

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