High in the sky you join two clubs

“Really I don’t know where it is,” you say impatiently trying to keep your phone pinched between your shoulder and ear while rolling your suitcase slowly forward with one hand and fishing for your ID and ticket with the other. The line wasn’t long so you knew you had to be ready, despite the TSA calling people forward one at a time surging the line forward in sporadic quanta increments.

“Like I said the last time I saw it, it was on the bed,” you say again wondering why you haven’t hung up yet. You had gotten what you needed from him, a place to stay that was away from your parents and a judgement free place to lite up, a necessity during the holiday season. Now though New Years had passed and it was back home away from your family and him.

“Why would I have taken it? I’m literally about to get on a plane, do you realize how stupid that would be?” You say coming to the end of the line, now just waiting for a TSA agent to call you forward, barely able to contain your excitement for the next phase of airport security where some rando will look thru your stuff and scan your body. Yay…

“Next!” Calls a TSA agent, a fit African American woman with stunning breasts that even the frumpy blue TSA uniforms can’t hide.

You glide forward somehow retrieving your ID and ticket without loosing your phone, suitcase, or dignity, and put them before the officer, “at front of line, got to go, bye!” You say cutting the call and dropping the phone in your pocket.

“Boyfriend?” The agent asks as she looks over your documents. Holding up your ID to compare.

You laugh, “no no no, just a friend. I see him sometimes over the holidays, that’s all.”

Smiling the agent said, “I feel you girl. I got me one too names Daniel. As in your danna need to kNeel when you see me,” she said gesturing to all of her.

While you weren’t in love with the word play, you smiled and laughed knowing she could make your life very difficult if she chose. You also had to admire her confidence. You wondered if she’d used that before, been holding onto it or just thought of it.

“Thank you thank you. I’ll be here all week and you are good to go, and don’t be too hard on him,” the agent said waving you thru.

Once you had passed thru security and we’re putting your belt and shoes back on you looked back at her and couldn’t help comparing yourself to her. Were your body straddled the line between thick and lumpy, hers was tight and fit. Her breasts you could tell were perky and round, not saggy enough to hide a candy bar (though you did like their size.) in. Her skin was a beautiful dark shade and her hair a midnight black, unlike your skin which could only be described as corpse white topped with mud brown hair. Still it gave you felt good knowing you both had fuck toys back home.

It was only a short walk from security to your gate and than only about a 20 minute wait, which you occupied by scrolling through social media and avoiding (though not without difficulty) looking at work email before it was finally time to board.

Getting on the plane you could see that this was one of the more roomier post-COVID planes with commodious bathrooms and ample space between seats.

You found your seat way at the back, X5, close to the bathroom but unfortunately a middle seat. You hoped that no one came so you could have a whole aisle to yourself but found yourself joined by a professional looking gentleman with a shabby leather briefcase. He had the look of a banker but the advertency of a wolf on the hunt. He took a seat in the aisle chair X4, looking past you out the window his mouth opened slightly and he pointed.

“Look at that,” you heard him say as your eyes followed his finger to see a barn owl perched atop one of the little golf /go cart vehicles, watching the airport staff with his big round eyes as they loaded in the checked bags.

“Guess he enjoys the show,” your new companion said.

“Maybe he’s secretly judging them for their stacking abilities. Just thinking, ‘you know if I had opposable thumbs I could do that much better,” you said doing your best impression of the owl from that old lollipop commercial.

He chuckled at that, “well I will take it as a sign of good luck. I mean they say owls mean wisdom right? That’s got to be a good thing.”

You turned away from the window and looked at him as you replied, “maybe. Though actually in many precolumbian cultures owls were usually associated with the dead or underworld. So it might not bode so well for us…”

He thought that over for a moment before responding, “in an evil sorta way or in a just doing my job kinda way?”

“A lot of the time they were basically psychopomps. So in a doing my job sorta way,” you answered happy to have met someone who didn’t just roll their eyes at your random factoids.

The two of you chat like this until the plane is ready for take off. He reveals that his name is Bryan and that he is a stenographer who also happens to be a logophile currently reading the Dune Encyclopedia. You admit to working as a grant writer for a big nonprofit while also being a bit of a pothead who loves documentaries, especially nature ones. A bit on the nose you admit but it’s just who you are. He jokingly calls you Snoop Dogg when you describe one you’d recently watched about African Wild Dogs as the plane takes off. He offers to let you have the empty window seat, X6, if you want. You happily agree, glad to have the extra space but hoping the new distance between you two won’t lead to sequestering in your personal bubbles.

As you get up to move once the fasten seatbelt sign is off the underside of your left boob feels suddenly clammy and sticky, itching something fierce. You do your best to shimmy into the other seat and casually (As best you can anyway.) scratch your boob with your upper arm and elbow, when the sound of plastic hitting the pleather of the cheap airplane seat between you two alerts the pair of you to something having struck the seat.

You laugh as you fall into the window seat, seeing you fucktoy’s vape pen lying in the seat. You can’t help but continue to laugh as you realize it must have rolled under your boob as you slept last night and never dislodged. You close your eyes and message the bridge of your nose understanding the bullet you dodged. Had security found it on you, especially like that, you shiver thinking of the consequences.

“Sorry I can explain,” you start to say, your tone and expression jovial until you lock eyes with Bryan.

His face is a mix of horror and anger, it than changes to one of seriousness a cloud morphed by strong winds.

“I hope your not planning on smoking that,” he says an angry wolf ready to pounce.

“Ummm no I wasn’t. I think it just got caught under my boob. Why does it matter to you, you a cop? Gonna arrest me or something?” You say annoyed at being talked to like your some piss offed teenager. Fuck of course the nice guy you can actually have a conversation with us a prude.

“No,” he says now massaging the bridge of his nose, “my dad was an Air Marshal is all. So I know what can happen if you get caught with that. It’s super illegal, especially because we are going across state line.”

You scrunch up your face unsure of how to feel. On one hand he was looking out for you, on the other his condescending tone put him dangerously close to mansplaning territory.

“Thanks. I mean it’s a little insulting that you thought I’d be stupid enough to try and smoke on a plane. And here you had me believing you thought highly of me,” you say channeling your inner thespian as you put your hand up to your forehead and tilt your head back in mock pain.

“Well I do my dear. I just know how brazen you can be sometimes. I didn’t want you to try IFEing it or something my dear,” he said imitating an old Englishman.

You both laugh conversation back on track. You resist doing a fist pump.

“Wait what’s IFEing?” You ask.

“Oh you know, Inhale, flush and exhale,” he says nonchalantly shrugging his shoulders.

If your brain had been a mirror it would have just shattered. Images of people inhaling than flushing the toilet than exhaling into the bowl, all vapors taken away in a swirl. Beautiful, elegant, ingenious. How had this never occurred to you? How had you never heard of it? Why was the world so cruel…

Part of you wants to kiss Bryan another part wants to slap him. How could he dangle such a proposition in front of you and not expect you to try it!? Didn't he know you?! The answer of course was no but still...

"Okay so how much trouble could I really be in?" You can't help but ask as the attendant comes by to deliver drinks.

You can see him roll his eyes as he sips his Coke, "Heavy fine at least. Probably get banned from the airline. If the pilot diverts the plane maybe jail time. All I know its a bad idea."

"Come on, you never wanted to join the Mile High club? Just a little bit," you say way too pleased at yourself for figuring that out.

"Who says I haven't already joined?" He says raising an eyebrow, somehow both sarcastic and mysterious.

"So what's the trick to joining that one than?" You ask turning your body, kicking off your shoes and snaking your feet towards him.

"Drop a couple hundred in the crack of the door for any noisy attendants and try to be quick," he says peeling off your socks and scrunching your toes sensually cracking a few.

"Well I suppose I should thank you for letting me know what IFE means, I might have gotten caught otherwise," you say as one foot crawls up his leg and finds his plane ready for take off, “you know I’m such a bad girl.”

"I don't know," he says moaning as you touch him.

"No pressure but if you change your mind," you did your best to sexually shimmy by him being sure to get your rump right up in his face.

Inside the bathroom you are pleasantly suprised at its size. About half the size of Starbucks restroom, pleanty of space...

The door hinges creak as someone enters. "I only had twenties so we'd better hurry," Bryan says, the sound of him unzipping himself somehow audible over the noise of the aircraft.

You pull down your pants and press your bare ass against him, waisting no time aware that someone could knock at any second… your anxiety dissipates as you feel him throb and than hesitant hands caress your thighs working there way up before getting good handful of your ass.

Inhaling quickly you bendyourself over the toilet while your lower half remains pressed against him. One hand hovers over the flush button, while the other hold the pen up to your mouth. You inhale taking a nice long drag, until your ready than you exhale hitting the flush button as you watch the evidence of your misdeeds swirl away.

"Fuck I wish you hadn't done that," he says spreading your cheeks slightly rubbing himself against your vulva pushing open your lips just enough to slick his cock before continuing to run himself against you. Hitting your clit with his fat making you involuntarily bite your lip.

"Thought I'd get my intiation for both clubs done at the same time," repeating the IFE process one more time knowing this ride would be short but wanting it to be as sweet as possible.

"Don't do that!" he says grabbing your ass.

"Than lets hurry up and fuck me," you say inhaling, flushing, and exhaling one more time just to rile him.

One hand climbs up your body and cups your breast pulling you vertically as his other hand descends between your legs and begins fingering your clit as his already lined cock plunges into your dripping pussy.

"Like that?" he breathes onto your neck as the two of you begin to rock back and forth pleasant goosebumps spreading across body.

Holding you in place he starts thrusting harder, vigorously fingering you now, he begins kissing on your neck as he massages your chest. You turn your head brushing the hair from your face and kiss him shooting your tongue down his throat. His thrusts gain momentum, you cup one of your breasts squeezing sensually as he pinches one your nipple, he smacks your pussy once he find his rhythm than is quickly back to flicking your bean, the suprise slap sends sockwaves throughout your body, you imagine the hum and vibration of the plane in tandum with his thrusts, almost like the entire plane is ploughing into you. You stomp your foot twice, before you legs come together as your back arches fireworks erupting across your body.

Hot liquid drips down your leg as you realize he pulled out and came on your ass, a true gentlemen.

He than said some sweet parting words before saying something about needing to leave separetly. You barely hear him to busy catching your breathe and cleaning yourself off. Still shaky from the weed an orgasm, a beautiful though somewhat paralyzing feeling.

When sufficent time has passed and your ready, you step back into the aisle of the plane, now a proud member of two Mile High Clubs. Turns out that owl was good luck.

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