Her Forgotten Past

Prologue

Thump! Thump! Thump! Blood coursed through my veins, as my heart pounded heavily against my chest. My stomach churned, as I felt the snippets of my evening meal rise up in my throat. The sound of kitchen cabinets slamming open and shut and dishes being shattered shook me from my hiding spot. I wrapped my slender arms around my legs and pulled them closely, attempting to soothe my sporadic breathing and drown out the distressing sound from the next room.

“Jules! Where the fuck is my shit! I’m not playing these games with you tonight! Don’t make me come find you because it won’t be pretty, I promise!”

I couldn’t do this another night with him. I was done being his rag doll that he could toss around every time he got drunk. My mother had always said before she passed that one day I would end up in a ditch if I stayed with this man. I was oblivious to her warnings up until several years ago. But I couldn’t just leave; it wasn’t that simple. She, nor anyone else for that matter, knew what type of man my husband was and what he actually did for a living.

But tonight was the final straw. I had to take that chance or risk ending up dead. It was now or never; I had to get out. But how? How would I escape this hell unscathed?

In the earlier hours, I had planned on being long gone before he returned from his typical weekly Tuesday night poker game with his friends. But I hadn’t had enough time to pack everything. And the note I wrote with my final goodbye sat plainly on the kitchen table. Shit! The note! Undoubtably, he had read it by now.

How does he know I am here? I tried to cover my tracks incase an incident like this were to occur by leaving my car parked in an empty lot down the street. Of course, he knows I’m here. He knows every move I make. It’s in his profession to know…

My devious thoughts were brushed aside when I heard hard, heavy footsteps approaching the closet where I had been hiding. Before I could contemplate on how foolproof my plan certainly hadn’t turned out to be, the closet door slowly creaked open. A silent whimper barely escaped my lips. I glanced up. His eyes pierced through mine. I was frozen in place. Something about his gaze this time was different than any of other times he had come home drunk. Before I could explain myself, his lips parted and he spoke with the serenest smirk, “There you are sweetheart. I’ve missed you so much. Hide and seek is over, and now, it’s time to talk.” The glossiness in his eyes was a dead giveaway of tonight’s foreseeable events. Not again! The smell of whiskey radiated off him so intensely that I felt even more nauseous than before. My stomach was in knots.

I opened my mouth to settle, to say anything to prevent him from hurting me again, but no words managed to escape. He abruptly grasped my arm and jerked me out the closet with all his force. The pain was immediately too much; it felt as if my arm was already dislocated, and the night had only begun. Fuck! What have I gotten myself into now?

Chapter 1

Another nightmare. I sat up hastily in my cold bed. How many nights must I endure this constant nightmare before I could finally live my life normally again? The beads of sweat rolled off my forehead, despite how cold it was in my tiny apartment. I held the comforter close to my chest and breathed. This was my fresh start, just what I had been waiting for so long. So why couldn’t I put the past behind me and move on?

I had moved to a new town six months ago after the incident, one where I could start a new life away from everyone and everything that reminded me of him. I changed my name and even changed my appearance by coloring my hair. My hair. My hair was one of my best features. My mother always prided herself on my hair. It was one of my best features, she had said. The auburn curls that used to bring out the green in my eyes was gone. All my social media accounts were gone. My life was gone, or what remnants of my life used to be were gone. I had quit my job that I worked so hard to get after completing grad school. It was pure luck when I landed a senior executive at a law firm in my local town right after graduation. And I had really loved my job. The salary was excellent, I had made great friends, and my life felt perfect. But that was all before him. All I really wanted to do was disappear, away from a world of hurt and pain. He ruined my fucking life. He ruined me. I brushed the feeling off, as I had gotten so used to doing these last six months.

Maybe I needed to go for a run. That would help me clear my head. I had moved here six months ago but had yet to really explore the city. I had always loved to run back in my hometown but being here felt so different. New York was a big leap from my hometown in Wimberly. I had taken what little possessions I owned and moved from Texas to New York and didn’t look back once as I boarded the plane. Afterall, what better place for a fresh start than New York? So many people would make it so easy to blend in. And not cause unnecessary attention to myself. I could be invisible. Who would even notice some small-town girl like me?

Since my arrival here, I hadn’t done anything besides sit in my apartment and apply for online jobs, just so I wouldn’t have to leave the house. How could I face the world again after what he did to me? What if he followed me? What if he is here and recognizes me? These same thoughts continue to invade my mind day after day, resulting in me staying inside, hiding from the rest of the world.

Not today. Today is the day I step back into the world and try to be fearless. The first thing I will do is go for a run and explore the area; I decide. Hopefully, I will come across a place to work that won’t stand out much. Anything will do for now; I am willing to put my degree to the side for the time being, just to get a little money coming in to pay the bills. Living in New York isn’t exactly the cheapest place to live, compared to where I came from. My savings were slowly depleting, and my online job conquests had been a failure thus far.

Today is the day I live for me. Nothing will stop me from moving forward with my life.

Chapter 2

Who was I fucking kidding? Words are easy to speak, but actions are more difficult to follow through with. Moving forward with my life sounded easy to do in my head, but I was stuck. I was fucking terrified. I went through every possible worst scenario that could happen if I left my apartment. My mind was racing a mile a minute. It was easier hyping myself up than actually following through with my plan. But if I didn’t do this, what else would I do? Continue to sit in this cold, lonely apartment until I fucking rotted? I was starting to rage inside. That bastard stole everything from me. My life, my pride, my happiness, my trust. I couldn’t let him steal my fresh start too.

I rummaged through the pile of boxes I had yet to unpack since my move and found my Nike Runners. In another box, I found my favorite yoga pants, the ones he always hated because they showed my curves in the best ways and slipped them on. He always had hated when I wore these out in public because of the way they hugged my thighs and ass. He knew men stared, which made him more possessive. It had been so long since I wore something so comfortable that fit, since all I had been confined to in the past was baggy sweatpants and loose t-shirts. Things had gone south over the years to the point where I wasn’t even allowed to dress up, wear makeup, or barely leave the house. Not anymore.

I looked in the mirror. The person staring back at me was a stranger. Her cheeks were hollow, probably from the lack of motivation to eat. Her hair was matted; bags hung heavy under her eyes. Her eyes, which used to shine vibrantly green, were now just a dark shadow of black. Jesus Christ, when did I let it get this bad? I barely noticed this girl. All the color from her cheeks had vanished, whereas her rosy red cheeks used to glow. And that smile that used to brighten a whole room was nothing more than foul glare. I looked like death, but wasn’t that was I was living like now? Why not play the part? Not anymore.

I walked back to the pile of boxes stacked in the corner of my small bedroom and skimmed through each one until I came across my small makeup bag that I had had for so long. Most of its contents were still new, considering when he found out I had bought some, I had gotten the shit beaten out of me. That was the last time I considered wearing makeup. But this was a new me. I had so much freedom now. Why not?

I applied some foundation, especially under my baggy eyes, and swiftly applied a little blush and mascara. I even brushed my hair into a sleek ponytail. I wasn’t used to blond hair, it had been a huge change from my normal auburn locks, but the change had to be drastic. I couldn’t be discovered. I said goodbye to that green-eyed red head as soon as I boarded that plane from Texas and never looked back. Julianne Jacobs was dead to the world.

Chapter 3

The cool brisk wind whipped through my hair. The sun had barely begun to rise. There were hardly any other runners out this time of morning. This is just what I needed, I thought to myself. I don’t know why I waited so long to get out and do this. Running used to be my escape back home. Home. That place was far from what I would consider a home at this point. So many hypocrites and pain. And him. The thought of him made my stomach twist in knots. I couldn’t think about him. Not today. Today was supposed to be about a fresh start; my time to start really living again. I had wasted so much time dwelling on the past that I was just stuck in an endless tunnel of hell.

The breeze felt great on my skin. For the first time in a long while, I could breathe again. I almost felt completely free again. Nothing could stop me; I was untouchable. I placed my Apple AirPods in my ears, whilst the sound of the music coursed through my veins. I closed my eyes and embraced the moment. This might just be my new escape— music and running. It sure beat being curled up on the couch everyday watching reruns alone. Maybe if I had some actual friends out here, my life would be even better. I really had to make a point to mingle with people sometime soon.

Suddenly, I felt myself falling. I felt it as soon as I hit the pavement—the hard impact of my head to the concrete. With the blink of an eye, everything went black.