Having Sex As a Shy Girl

I'm the type of girl who is shy because I'm awkward and awkward because I'm shy. It’s a vicious cycle that I’m struggling to break.

Ever since I can remember I've been self-conscious with the way I look. And now that I’m 27 this insecurity has really put a strain on my sex life.

I am constantly comparing myself to others when I know I shouldn’t, I feel jealous and envy the people who look perfect in every photo. This is such an unhealthy and stupid thing to do. However, it’s hard to avoid doing that when you’re overly insecure.

And even though sex shouldn’t be about the way you look, it should be more about pleasure and fun, that can be difficult when your insecurities control your mind. When that happens suddenly there’s a lot of pressure on you when you’re having sex, and it loses all it’s fun.

Unfortunately, that’s what happens to me often. My insecurities get the best of me and my sex life suffers.

The only time I ever truly felt confident was when I was high, but that isn’t something I want to rely on to make me feel good during sex.

But the biggest issue my low self-esteem has caused me is my ability to climax. I can only climax by myself or when I am using a vibrator. And what’s the point of having an orgasm alone? It’s meant to be enjoyed with your partner.

Yes, I know it’s fun to have alone time but it does get tedious after a while. Especially if you've been single for a while, like myself.

However, I have orgasmed from oral but only twice. And the worst part was that it took me so long it’s embarrassing. And I know you’re probably going to blame the guy, but it honestly wasn’t because of him that I couldn’t orgasm, in fact he was down there for an hour and it felt amazing but I just couldn't relax and enjoy it.

It was a mixture of wondering if he was enjoying himself, if he was bored, if I looked weird from that angle, and thinking about what pizza tastes like in other countries.

Also, I spent years relying on a vibrator to do the job, so that probably hasn’t helped.

It’s obvious that my self-esteem and orgasm are connected in some way. And because I feel that I’m too awkward to be sexy, I put pressure on myself.

It isn’t only my orgasm that is affected, it’s also my performance while having sex. I am so shy that when I get naked my desire suddenly vanishes and I am left wondering if the guy thinks my boobs are weird, or he doesn’t like my ass, or if he thinks I’m a little too chunky (because of that pizza I ate an hour before getting naked).

It has also taken me years to ever get on top during sex. Being so exposed while on top is one thing but trying to move my body and make it feel good for both of us, well that’s just too much pressure. And even though we say sex isn’t meant to be treated like a porno, I can’t help but try to emulate the way porn stars move their bodies. Safe to say I fail every time.

Unfortunately for me my body is stiff and awkward, like my personality, and for someone to witness that, well it would be embarrassing.

But I know, sex isn’t anything like porn, it’s meant to be fun, pleasurable. And obviously if someone is attracted to you and want’s to have sex then feeling self-conscious is pointless.

As I get older I do feel as though I am finding my confidence. So, maybe one day I will finally feel free during sex.