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Give to me Baby

by Rebecca Brooks 16 days ago in advice

An Auntie B's Advice Column

Have you ever been with someone who flat out did not know how to “float your boat”, “push your buttons”, “make your bobber bobble”?

They tried, God love them, those special lil’ things but they just could not hit the mark. You sat there, naked in your bedroom, running through your grocery list, your taxes, the laundry that needs to be put on the line. In the meantime, your partner is happily going to pound town, completely oblivious that you checked out sometime ago.

Well if you haven’t, honey, take it from me, it will happen, and if you have, well, le sigh….welcome to the club!

So how do we fix that? How do we let them know that what they are giving ain’t getting you off?

Simple really….we use something….wait for it……wait for it…….

……………………………………………..called our voice!

Yep indeed. We simply talk.

Society somehow warps us into believing that only porn stars or ladies of the evening talk in bed. “Real men” know exactly what to do so it would be “weak” to ask a woman if he is doing it right.

Well let me tell you honey, that just ain’t so! In order to get what you need, you have to voice what you want, and there is no shame in telling the guy using his tongue like a jack hammer into your tonsils, that its not a bad idea if he took it slow. Or the woman, bless her precious heart, who believes that teeth belong on your dongle, a little more than they should.

You say nothing and go home with a bruised cock, she goes home not knowing this is something she should never, ever, ever, again do and “Dental drill” kisser guy? Well he goes on to perform “surgery” with only his tongue and no license for years to come, all because he was never told, “Dude knock it off, that just ain’t right”.

Over the years I have learned to say what I want, how I like it, and where I want it. I won’t lie, there are so men who will be turned off by this, some women too. Frankly though, to me, that is the same as wearing a gigantic neon sign that says “I did it my way was written for me, about me and sung to me cause I know it all” Probably not the person you want to get intimate with after all.

It has vastly and greatly improved my sex life. I am like Burger King, my orgasms are the way I like them, served fresh each time, and only when I want. It is amazing how few of us are willing to tell our partners what we need, but we are all willing to complain about how the job isn’t getting done!

When you are with someone new, one of two things can occur. You can have the conversation and even if it takes some time, end up with a partner who puts the zip in your zoodo, the swching in your jeans, or you can “fake it till you make it”, knowing you might be faking it for a really, really long time.

It doesn’t take much either to switch things around if you are willing to be bold and honest in stating your needs. For example, when your thighs are wrapped around your partners ears, and you are busy writing out next months to do list in your brain, you could say something like “Slow down, now a little more to the left, no, just a smidge over to the right”…can work wonders when you give a try.

Ladies, gents, this is an advice blog so take this one to heart: You will never receive what you don’t ask for, can never fix what you did not know was broke. The only way to improve your sex life and be able to enjoy it as much as you want, is to not be afraid to be honest and bold.

Trust me when I tell you this, the woman who can honestly tell the man that he does not need to “Slobber on her chin, perform general tonsil surgery with his tongue, kiss her like a floppy fish, or worse, use no pressure at all”, well that is the woman that countless others will want to thank for years to come!

These poor guys (and yes even some gals) go their whole lives thinking they are as smooth as Barry White when they are more like Screech from Saved by the Bell. It really is a public service when you think about it, one that can benefit you and all the others down the road

Rebecca Brooks
Rebecca Brooks
Read next: A Night at the Theatre
Rebecca Brooks
See all posts by Rebecca Brooks

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