Ghosts of Summers Past

While contemplating my dating history, I've realized that I might, in fact, be a lot to handle. Who woulda thought?!

I used to play the role of a quiet, shy, and prudish when dating, but I realized that because I had been falsely advertising in the beginning, as soon as I would get comfortable and be my loud, rambling, high maintenance, indecisive, overly affectionate, yet seemingly inconsiderate and cold self, I would scare (most) boys away. It took years to figure out that it was because they were just that: Boys. Men of quality are not threatened by a woman of equality.

It obviously wasn't completely their fault because I wasn't being true to myself either. Through my own entanglement with the fragility of life through my sister's countless health issues and my suicide attempts, I started living my life very differently. I adopted a "no bullshit" lifestyle where I would be 100 percent honest all the time and learned to love the crazy bitch that I am. I make (a ton) of mistakes, but have no problem owning up to them and apologizing. I've rid myself of guilt and negativity, and my last serious ex even said one of the reasons he loved me is because I am always true to myself and followed my heart.

I'm getting a little mushy and gross, and you're probably reading this because you want the juicy details, so I'll move along with the stories that don't actually have concrete endings because these are the flings that ended in me getting ghosted. Most of these flings have been over the summer, so as this summer comes to a close, I thought I'd reminisce about the times I've been stood up and completely ignored. :)

The One Who Started It All

One of the first times this happened was so many years ago that my idea of a date was going to Blockbuster and renting a Wes Anderson movie to watch while my mom was in the other room. While this was pretty normal for a 14-year-old with a strict mom, the poor guy was 18 and got nothing more than a goodbye kiss at the end of the evening (he was out by 8:30), and he never talked to me again. I'm not sure if I was actually into him or the fact that he had a car, but everything ended up okay because he's been in a serious relationship and has lived with his girlfriend for years now and Moonrise Kingdom is on Netflix. RIP Blockbuster.

The One My Mom Refers to as "Stupid Head"

There was one guy that I had liked on and off since eighth grade that it just never worked with because we would fall out of touch or never liked each other at the same time. That is until senior year when my best friend threw the biggest party of the year. Things got broken, fires were started, cars were stolen, and I spent my night soberly baking Nestle Tollhouse cookies and diagnosing concussions. I watched one of my best friends eat a dog treat to impress a cute boy and it somehow worked (more on this later). This newly single boy was DJing the party and ended up staying to help clean up after the cops shut it down. We ended up spending all night laying in bed talking and it really felt like the timing was finally right. We hung out four or five times after that and he would even come visit me at the gelato shop I worked at. We didn't even have sex because we wanted to take it slow. And then he stopped talking to me. A mutual friend told me that it was because he thought I was crazy and that I tried to kiss him in front of one of his friends. Who knows what actually happened, but he's in a happy relationship with an amazing girl now and I've more than moved on.

The One with the Vibrating Cock Ring

Last summer, while I was finally discovering my sexuality, this guy (that several of my friends, including dudes) referred to as a god, slid into my DMs. He was incredibly charming, confident, drove the coolest cars, and I hated how quickly I was hooked. The only time I saw his confidence shaken was when he ran out of gas on the way to our date and I had to take him to a gas station and back, which resulted in us missing our movie. We only hung out three or four times, but the last time, we finally did the deed. Drake was blaring from my speaker that projects flashing LED lights, and just when I thought it couldn't get better, he pulls out a vibrating cock ring. I'm pretty sure that was the longest sex of my life, clocking in at around two and a half hours. It felt like my soul was trying to escape my body. He didn't spend the night after, which I was cool with because he said he would next time (I'm a cuddler). We were supposed to hangout a few days later and I got ready and waited for him to pick me up. He had texted me that he was on his way and it would be about 45 minutes at the most so I waited... and waited... and waited. I tried calling, wondering what happened and even checked to see if any accidents had been reported. After two hours, it clicked and I felt like an idiot. Thankfully, my friends convinced me that it was his loss and that some guys are just assholes for no reason.

The Undateable One

You know those serial daters that go from one long relationship to the next because everyone knows they're boyfriend material and that doesn't come around too often in high school? Yeah, I hooked up with one. He had always hung out with friends of mine, but I never got to know him too well, until one time I jokingly said I'd bang him, and next thing you know I'm hopping a fence to go hot tubbing with him. He was so interesting and easy to talk to, and since I was getting over a breakup and was only back home for the summer, there was no pressure. We had both hinted at wanting a friend with benefits for the summer, and after we hooked up I was excited that the sex was as good, if not better than the conversation. Aaaaand then he never talked to me again. This one is still a mystery to me, but I didn't take it personally and moved on pretty quickly.

The One Who Made Out with My Friend After She Ate a Dog Treat (Even If He Claims He Doesn't Remember)

Ahh yes, for the final and most current story. After DMing a guy that I had only briefly met once at the party, I talked about above. We quickly hit it off. He seemed to actually want to get to know me for me and he was far from my usual type. I should've trusted my instincts of never going out with anyone taller than a foot taller than I am—so over 6'3"—cause it's only led me to trouble (two on this list). This guy and I began hanging out once or twice a week for almost a month and a half. We went on adventures and when I was with him, I had not a care in the world. He was so sweet and sincere and helped restore my faith in men—or so I thought. One night, he told me he had to tell me something. I had been pretty clear about what kind of relationship I was looking for, and even though I had picked up on some signals that he was developing feelings, I figured he wouldn't say anything since I was going back to school in two weeks. He never ended up saying anything and when we were on the way to drop me off at home, I unlocked his phone to change the music and Tinder was open; meaning he had been on it while we were together. The signals were very mixed, and so after saying goodnight, I asked my mom what she thought it meant and she was stumped, too. We had planned on going camping the following weekend, so the next day I texted him asking if he had a tent and he never replied. Thus, my inspiration for this post.

I even put out a poll on my Snapchat, asking my friends their opinion and here was their response below.

I hope that as I get older, and my taste gets better, this problem can be eliminated. Not gonna lie, I've ghosted people too, but never if I've hung out with them more than once in person. The conversation isn't as hard as you think it's going to be, so please just do the right thing and tell people if you're not interested anymore. No dick, no matter how bomb, is an excuse for being a shitty person.

xo,

T Dawg

hellamag.com

@indigo.fairy