Get to Know Your Body Before Letting Someone Else in
Let's discuss the importance of masturbation.
As a heterosexual female, I can't speak on behalf of all sexual relationships but, I feel like the importance of masturbation is pretty universal and is essentially the first step of getting to know your body.
It still blows my mind that female masturbation is very much a taboo subject. Sex ed at school was, and is still, very much focused on not getting pregnant and the art of putting on a condom. I'm not saying that these aren't important, but I remember the subtle dig of being shamed if you were sexually active.
What needs to be normalised is the importance of getting to know your own body. How can you expect someone to do you right if you don't know what you're into? Ladies especially, being vocal is extremely important. The clit's sole purpose is for pleasure, but if someone's going at it like a DJ deck it can be incredibly uncomfortable—trust me. AND, YOU DON'T NEED TO FAKE IT. Women are beautiful and complex creatures and, unless you have one yourself, I can imagine the clit can be pretty daunting. THIS. IS. WHY. YOU. NEED. TO. EXPERIMENT!
Watch porn, read erotic literature, or even watch "girl talk" related videos, or listen to podcasts. There is literally an endless amount of information out there just waiting to help you. Everyone is different and that means that sex will vary depending on who you're with. What worked for someone's last partner might not be the thing that gets you going, but that's okay. If you know yourself, and are able to verbalise that with your current partner/friend with benefits/one night hook-up, then I guarantee you'll have a better time.
It can be a little scary to talk about what you're into; as women, we're usually shamed for enjoying sex (I still can't get my head around that) and, since school, we have been made to feel embarrassed for masturbating. But, in my experience, guys have found it a turn on if you tell them what you like. Confidence is key—it's sexy.
I lost my virginity before knowing my body and it wasn't until Uni that I fully embraced myself. I was, quite frankly, having disappointing sex until I was about 21. This wasn't necessarily due to the people I was having sex with either, I just didn't know what I wanted. I was having guys jack-hammer me and because I wasn't particularly enjoying it, I was more like a tool to help them masturbate. I say this because I don't want other people to waste years being disappointed. And men can help by creating a safe space for women to feel comfortable having this conversation. Tell the women you're sleeping with what you like and ask what they want back. We can all be apart of ending the stigma that sex is just for men.