Friends With Benefits

Friends with benefits, AKA sleeping with a friend...sounds like a good idea, right?

...Ehhhh...

The benefit of you being friends is the sex, and any time sex is involved, it complicates matters—even when both people try to maintain communication and mutual respect.

Sure, you both came up with the idea and agreed to it with the right intentions, but who actually has these types of arrangements? People who use people for sex. Let's take this back to science class. There are these hormones called oxytocin and dopamine.

If you have awesome sex with someone, the dopamine released from that experience will make you want to reach that level of pleasure again, and it makes sense that if your dopamine trigger decides not to text back, you don’t feel too good about it. This is the hormone released when taking drugs, and that is why people become addicted. So in a way...you could become addicted to the person or sex (if it's good).

Oxytocin is the “cuddle hormone.” The release of oxytocin can trigger trust, relaxation, and psychological stability, according to Medical News Today. Oxytocin is released during sex, but it’s also released by physical contact such as cuddling, kissing, or hugging.

So you can say you can pull this type of relationship off, well...good luck with that. The way you feel stems from chemicals, and there is no way of erasing those feelings associated with those chemicals when they are released because they occur naturally in the body. So, in my opinion, eventually FWB is complete bullshit.

If you think you are emotionally and psychologically able to pull off the friends with benefits then here are some ways to help you pull it off, even for a little while:

Communicate before, during, and after.

The only way this FWB relationship will work is if the two of you are totally honest about how you feel from the get-go and continue to talk it out when needed, Meyers says. Not only is it important to speak up about changing needs and desires (like if one of you meets someone), but you should also talk about what you like and don't in bed—that's what this is all about, right?

Nurture the friendship.

You are welcome and encouraged to sustain the "friends" part of that by continuing to do whatever activity or hobby brought you together as friends in the first place. If/when the sex stops, ideally you'll come out the other side still being friends.

Keep the door open for other relationships.

The reason these kinds of relationships rarely work out is that people close themselves off from finding someone they actually want to be with. They think that, because they already have someone they're sleeping with, they don't need to look for anyone else.

Be open to the possibilities.

Its more evitable than not that one of you may catch feelings, so be prepared for that. Be prepared to think about if you could have a serious relationship with the other person, and if you are the one to catch feelings, let them know and be prepared to cut it off if he or she does not feel the same way.

Remember, this is about two adults consenting to sex. If something about them turns you off, tell them. This is not the time to feel bad because they don't last or anything else that displeases you. This is about your pleasure, and settling for sex that doesn't even please you...well, why you even want to be in a friends with benefits relationship, because there would be no benefit for you...unless they are paying your bills ;)

But that is an entirely different topic!