Forgetting the foundations

by Jess Turns 4 months ago in relationships

Start your journey back together!

Forgetting the foundations
Photo by Mayur Gala on Unsplash

When you work in a part of the adult industry, you always seem to come up against the same question "How can I spice up my sex life?". We always turn to the tools, props or activities you can do, but what a lot of people forget before they come and talk to us is the very foundation of what a sexual partnership is. The biggest thing that people forget to do, believe it or not, is communicate.

Sex is easy.

All of the actual mechanics, things to try and activities is the easy bit. We can give you a long list of ideas but until you know where each other stands the rest will never work!

We can always help you pick out the latest toy, put a sexy couples kit together or give you lists of positions and fetishes. The hottest thing people can do is start talking about sex, sexting each other or share a glass of wine while spilling your naughtiest role-play scenario. Once you get the conversation started, the rest seems to follow.

I would hear sentences like this "I think it's me?" or "maybe they don't like what I'm wearing?". Get rid of those 'Maybes' or 'I think' there is no point guessing what the other person might like or don't like. Find the time or the courage to talk about the nitty-gritty bits. It's those bits that you need to find out before you even come to a professional. A lot can play on a person's mind, which can shut things down real quick. Find out the things that they are asking themselves and clarify them. If you do come across specific problems, then we know precisely how to help or point you in the right direction.

Its a date!

Couples have trouble with getting quite frustrated in finding out what works and what doesn't, but that defeats the object.

Make a sex bucket list! Each makes a list of all the things you want to try, put some time aside and go through them and then separate them into yes, maybe and hell no categories. Having a sex bucket list allows you to learn where your and your partner's boundaries are. Have fun ticking them off. If they don't work or it's not something you're into well have a laugh and move on to the next, you could be quite surprised and unearth a fetish you never thought you would like.

Take the time to learn each other again, teach each other about your bodies and try new things together and don't be embarrassed to talk about your fantasies, what you want to try, what you like or don't like. We all have those things so connect with your partner by sharing.

It's ok to be nervous.

Insecurity could be playing a significant part. It doesn't matter if your a great lover or not because sex it's self is a learnt skill. What matters is whether you have chemistry, if you want to have sex with each other then you are almost there. If you get down on yourselves and allow your insecurities override your confidence, then the teachable bit will never stick. If you can't be vulnerable with that person, then why are you together?

Once you have had 'The Conversation.' then you can come to a professional. Narrow down the things that you do and don't like, be ok with talking about it and going into a little detail. Then the professional you are talking to will have a much easier time recommending things to you, and you will have a loved up, sexed-up glow in no time!

Jess Turns
Jess Turns
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Jess Turns

"I have no special talents. I am only passionately curious." Albert Einstein is talking about me, I am passionately curious about my Creative side, Disability Advocacy and my adventures with my Assistance Dog Bailey.

See all posts by Jess Turns