So ladies this one is for you (fellas you may wanna scroll on by for a bit...)
I was talking to a male friend of mine the other night and he was frustrated.
You see, he's been with his lady for a long time. He loves her. Desires her. Wants her. Yet she has this little voice that often screams "I'm not thin enough. Pretty enough. Desirable enough."
So she feels insecure and no matter how often he reassures her, tries to show her, the part of herself that doubts her worth has a really, really loud voice.
Now, I'm gonna skip around a little and tell you about something that happened yesterday. I got out of the shower and took a moment to look at my reflection in all of my bday glory and take stock for a second of the changes in me.
Two years ago, I weighted 98 pounds. Tonight, as I write this, we can add 35 or so to that number.
I am most definitely not a size 2 and have curves now in places that I never knew.
The thing is though I'm ok with what I see.
The "girls," don't sit as high as they once did.
My stomach is no longer river flat.
I have more dimples in my derriere than I did a few years before.
I remind myself though that this is the only body I have.
In understanding this I also need to find gratitude in what I have.
So what if your body has changed?
I'll be 46 in 2 months.
I'm still worthy of being desired, wanted and needed.
I can still be sexy and beautiful.
If a man is trying to show me he feels that way, I should be able to accept his genuine effort without questioning my worth.
Just like my friend is struggling because he truly wants this partner of his to understand how much he cares about her I think it first starts with us.
We have to be willing to look in a mirror and acknowledge that okay our bodies may be different from when we were the ripe old age of 22, but there's nothing wrong with that.
I for one feel more confident at 45 than I ever did at 21 and I'm glad that I have changed and grown and come to a place where I can look in that mirror and like what I see.
If your body has changed because you had children remind yourself that that vessel of yours carried life and gave the world another brilliant light.
If you've been in the boxing ring with gravity for a few years and are starting to feel like maybe you're going to have to call a loss except the fact that we all age and nothing is sexier than what's between your ears and inside your heart.
You do not have to be a size to, a size 4, or even a size 12, to be a desirable beautiful creature that is worthy of being wanted and loved.
I have curves now. I have a body that doesn't look like what it did at 21 or even 2 years ago but I'm learning to be okay with that.
I know my worth, I know my character, and I know that I am incredibly valuable no matter what a tag on the inside of my jeans might say.
The best advice that I could give my friend after this conversation with this
keep reminding her that you desire her, that you find her beautiful, and that you find her attractive not because of a number on a dress but because of that amazing, complicated, beautiful thing that resides inside her chest
Your heart, your character, your willingness to accept the skin that you're in, ladies there's nothing sexier than that.
The next time you hop out of the shower take a moment to appreciate everything that you are even if it isn't exactly what you thought it would be.
That little bit of belly, those girlies that don't sit quite as high, even those what I like to call beauty marks that tend to show up around your thighs and bottom, all of those things are signs that you are older, wiser, and far more worth knowing, then it can sometimes seem.
Appreciate what you have, after all it's the only thing that you've got.
And if, you're lucky enough to have a man that wants to rock your world go on with your bad self and stop doubting your value and worth you my lovely are a queen go on and rock his world right back you've got this sisters, give it all that you've got.